01:00:00:01 – 01:00:03:07 Speaker 3 am I good enough? Can I actually do this? Like, do I have value? 01:00:03:13 – 01:00:06:01 Speaker 3 every single person, everyone watching, listening 01:00:06:01 – 01:00:07:07 Speaker 3 has fears and insecurities. 01:00:07:12 – 01:00:09:17 Speaker 3 at first I thought, oh, we can remove them. Nope. 01:00:09:18 – 01:00:13:22 Speaker 3 Never remove them. But we can recognize them and then we can respond to them. 01:00:13:22 – 01:00:16:07 Speaker 3 I think it applies anywhere where there’s people. 01:00:16:12 – 01:00:22:16 Speaker 3 They don’t want to be thought less of. I don’t want people to walk all over me. So I’m going to have a hard, rigid line. 01:00:22:16 – 01:00:24:11 Speaker 3 I’m going to be intense or insensitive. 01:00:24:11 – 01:00:28:14 Speaker 3 I’m going to just choose not to do anything or I’m going to disappear. 01:00:28:18 – 01:00:39:18 Speaker 1 Tyler Dicker. Hoof is a leader, coach, speaker and USA today best selling author of The Things We Hide. What You hide controls you. What you face transforms you. 01:00:39:18 – 01:00:43:11 Speaker 1 and his work asks a deceptively simple question. 01:00:43:13 – 01:00:49:05 Speaker 1 what if the way we protect ourselves from insecurity is actually pushing everyone else away? 01:00:49:05 – 01:00:58:13 Speaker 1 For Tyler, understanding that meant looking back at some of the hardest moments of his own life, including losing his three year old brother Joel in a farming accident when Tyler was 14. 01:00:58:13 – 01:01:05:03 Speaker 1 Now, Tyler dedicates his life to giving the gift of fearlessness that took him years to learn himself. 01:01:05:03 – 01:01:14:10 Speaker 3 But I was willing to commit to the work, to grow myself, to then in turn help others grow, because I knew what I had to overcome 01:01:14:11 – 01:01:15:15 Speaker 3 fears and insecurities. 01:01:15:15 – 01:01:19:16 Speaker 1 because he knows that for many, those issues can have real consequences. 01:01:19:17 – 01:01:24:05 Speaker 3 when we have these moments where our fears and insecurities pop up, whatever that may be 01:01:24:08 – 01:01:30:02 Speaker 3 That response is the same response that we have later in life whenever we face a difficulty. 01:01:30:06 – 01:01:36:12 Speaker 4 it is like some people run to isolation, addiction, temptation, whatever. Some people just avoid everything. 01:01:36:12 – 01:01:38:16 Speaker 4 Some people become super mean and aggressive, 01:01:38:19 – 01:01:44:15 Speaker 3 all of those are a wall. That’s a barrier because it’s not our true, authentic, vulnerable self. 01:01:44:17 – 01:01:47:23 Speaker 1 So how do you recognize the walls you’ve built 01:01:48:01 – 01:01:50:17 Speaker 1 what happens when you finally stop hiding behind them? 01:01:50:17 – 01:02:00:19 Speaker 3 That level of owning and what I describe as authentic vulnerability is the solution to our insecurities. 01:02:00:21 – 01:02:14:13 Speaker 4 Have you ever thought about the idea of becoming a consultant or building some type of coaching practice from scratch? Today you’re going to get to hear the real story of one of our good friends and one of our fabulous clients, Tyler Dicker Hoof. 01:02:14:13 – 01:02:15:21 Speaker 4 what got you into thinking like, 01:02:15:21 – 01:02:20:17 Speaker 4 I really want to spend my life serving others with my personal brand, my personal 01:02:20:19 – 01:02:26:14 Speaker 4 mission message, and turn this into an actual business. 01:02:26:16 – 01:02:51:15 Speaker 3 It was really the conviction that I heard God say, your brother’s life has purpose. I mean, as I sit recount, that’s kind of where it came from. I’ve done speaking since I was eight years old in, you know, organizations like for and FFA and collegiately was in a contest where I spoke. And so the ability to speak 01:02:51:16 – 01:02:55:08 Speaker 3 to an audience of one or many was something I was conditioned to 01:02:55:10 – 01:03:07:16 Speaker 3 the ability to say, hey, something that I’ve done that I’ve had to work through a framework that I’ve built that helps me transform, man, that was foreign an idea. 01:03:07:18 – 01:03:19:02 Speaker 3 And our good friend John Rowland, you know, he said, hey, you need to talk to my friend Rory. Like, okay, I’m all ears. And that was in the season of I’m doing a lot of this personal 01:03:19:03 – 01:03:23:13 Speaker 3 growth on my own. I would love to be able to share and help people with this. 01:03:23:16 – 01:03:40:17 Speaker 3 and part of it, what really showed me the way was spending time with John Maxwell. You mentioned the foreword and where my personal growth journey really started was diving into more of his content, being in his community and saying, oh, well, yeah, that looks amazing. 01:03:40:17 – 01:03:57:08 Speaker 3 And a lot of John says, let people I want to do what you do. And he’s like, well, are you willing to do what I did to do what I do? And it’s like, yeah, I am, and I am doing it, and am I? John no, don’t get me wrong, but I’m me. And I also know that me has an ability to impact others. 01:03:57:14 – 01:03:58:17 Speaker 3 And yeah, I will do 01:03:58:18 – 01:04:01:22 Speaker 3 the work. And, you know, I think that’s part of the arc 01:04:01:23 – 01:04:03:03 Speaker 3 of transformation. 01:04:03:08 – 01:04:16:02 Speaker 3 And, you know, to see John and to be able to spend time with John, as I know you have to and and know John has, has grown and transformed as a leader himself. And it’s like, oh, if he can do it, then I there’s possibility for me. 01:04:16:02 – 01:04:16:07 Speaker 4 To 01:04:16:07 – 01:04:22:16 Speaker 4 have you had some of your own like fears or insecurities that you’ve had to battle in this journey because you were very successful in what you were doing before? 01:04:22:20 – 01:04:50:11 Speaker 3 We all have fears and insecurities in those same insecurities will continue to arrive and and show up in different places. We are. But that’s also an indication to say, all right, what tools have you brought forth that can help you work through that? What attitude of gratitude? What what evidence can you bring? And one of the things as well is who do you surround yourself with to be able to see what you can’t see and say, oh, you are doing something you do have value to bring. 01:04:50:14 – 01:04:52:06 Speaker 3 You’re just trying to figure out, all 01:04:52:09 – 01:04:58:17 Speaker 3 right, how do you keep finding that point in the wall to keep pressure on? That’s going to allow you to break through. And 01:04:58:17 – 01:04:59:03 Speaker 3 as long 01:04:59:03 – 01:05:03:12 Speaker 3 as I’m committed to the purpose from the beginning, it’s not about me. 01:05:03:12 – 01:05:05:13 Speaker 3 It’s not about that’s what. 01:05:05:14 – 01:05:08:06 Speaker 4 Let’s talk about that because because you’ve been 01:05:08:08 – 01:05:29:19 Speaker 4 I mean, I remember the first time we met, like we literally sat in a room and mapped out a dream basement in our basement of, like, what this book would be one day. Yeah. And seeing it go from a concept to a legitimate national bestselling book is is super exciting. 01:05:30:01 – 01:05:40:01 Speaker 4 you’ve been such a good support to us, like you’ve allowed us to be a part of your journey over the last several years. What what how why have you stuck around Brand Builders group? 01:05:40:01 – 01:05:43:21 Speaker 4 How has that been a part of your journey? 01:05:43:23 – 01:06:06:17 Speaker 3 It comes back from the beginning. And my first strategist, Elyse Archer. Right. And and I remember telling her, it’s like, this is going to be the long marathon plan. I’m not you know, I’m not building this to be able to have something to launch in a year. It is at that point in 2019, I said, hey, I’m committed to when my youngest son graduates high school, which will be the the summer of 2028. 01:06:06:18 – 01:06:25:06 Speaker 3 This is what I’m doing full time. And that being the case, I’m just building along the way and, you know, have a coaching business and have you to community. I’ve done events. It’s like those are things that I can do and not commit to having to be gone from home all the time, because that was something important to me. 01:06:25:06 – 01:06:28:01 Speaker 3 And part of that was driven by the fact of 01:06:28:01 – 01:06:55:01 Speaker 3 my early first career, was a nutritionist for dairy cows, and I was traveling, I was driving a lot, and my family, we relocated to Spokane, Washington, where my in-laws lived. And part of that career change was I was traveling back to California one week a month. And I remember after doing that about four years and having this moment sitting down, it’s like, oh, I’ve missed an entire year of my son’s life who was four. 01:06:55:03 – 01:07:11:16 Speaker 3 I’m like, I don’t want that. Like, no, that is not what I’m signing up to do. And yet you and I both know people that do that all the time. That is their normal or more. And it’s like, that’s not the father I want to be. That’s not the husband I want to be. So I’m not going to do that. 01:07:11:17 – 01:07:37:03 Speaker 3 God gave us an opportunity to do other things where we didn’t have to. And so my commitment into whatever I was doing next, and in being perspective enough to say, what am I going to do when and whether it was the different people I talked to in different mentors and seasons like, man, wow, I, I commend you for having the ability to think about constructing that. 01:07:37:07 – 01:08:00:23 Speaker 4 think most people would say, oh, maybe I’ll build my personal brand someday. Maybe I’ll launch, maybe I’ll write a book someday. Maybe I’ll start to someday. But you actually said, I want to start now, to set myself up for a future date. And you had the foresight, which created an urgency that even though you couldn’t go all in right away. 01:08:01:01 – 01:08:06:13 Speaker 4 You’re like, no, I’m going to start now so that I can sort of build slowly 01:08:06:15 – 01:08:13:10 Speaker 4 I mean, you’ve worked with three different strategists at Brain Builders Group for five. 01:08:13:11 – 01:08:14:06 Speaker 4 Has it been five? 01:08:14:06 – 01:08:16:07 Speaker 3 Five? Here’s what’s amazing about that. 01:08:16:07 – 01:08:31:05 Speaker 3 to me, I’ve been grateful because each one of them, their unique talent in that season is exactly what I need. Like I look back and as I was writing this, I’m like, as each one of those strategists came into my life for different reasons, 01:08:31:06 – 01:08:51:17 Speaker 3 it’s like, yeah, it was perfect fit. And I think that’s been amazing and been accepted for myself. Part of that, again, coming back to is, is why the book notes like, well, I understand if my intention is to be on more stages in the next 18 to 24 months, having a book is a great way to do that. 01:08:51:18 – 01:09:09:01 Speaker 3 And you have had friends that have said, yeah, you know, that opens up a new level of opportunity. You can get on a lot of stages. Yes, if you’re willing to travel and just drop everything. I’m not willing to do that. Right. But if I can build something right, something that I’ve built and I can put it out there and use that as a way to get on more stages, then great. 01:09:09:01 – 01:09:18:05 Speaker 3 That’s the pathway. And so the timing wise was one is the right time and kind of felt this nudge and this push. And it’s like, all right, let’s do it now. 01:09:18:07 – 01:09:20:07 Speaker 4 And I think a lot of, 01:09:20:11 – 01:09:37:05 Speaker 4 a lot of young speakers don’t understand how important a book is to your speaking career. It’s like if you just go on LinkedIn and you search professional speaker or motivational speaker or keynote speaker, it is it’s it’s hundreds of thousands, millions of searches come up. But then you go, how many have a book? 01:09:37:06 – 01:09:55:16 Speaker 4 It shrinks way down, and then you go, how many have a bestselling book? And then how many have a national bestselling book? And then it’s like, ultimately books are what lead to speaking. And then speaking drives book sales. Which book sales leads to more speaking. So it is it is a a flywheel. That has always been true. 01:09:55:18 – 01:09:56:01 Speaker 4 Yeah. 01:09:56:02 – 01:10:06:18 Speaker 4 And I just, you know, I really commend you for setting this up. You’re, you know, even a couple years, several years in advance of when you’re like, I really want to launch my speaking career here in the next couple of years. 01:10:06:19 – 01:10:27:04 Speaker 3 Yeah. And, you know, fortunately enough, between my podcast, the groups that I’ve been involved in, the the community of brand builders, you know, from near and afar is to be able to get that feedback from a lot of people that are speakers, that are authors and understanding what they’ve gone through to help me kind of mold and figure out what’s the best fit for me. 01:10:27:06 – 01:10:48:04 Speaker 3 Has it always been perfect? No, I look at it. There’s some maybe some ebbs and flows. I would have done this or that, but I can’t change that. So I can just learn and hopefully share with others. And I think again, looking forward to say what is my goal, what is my plan? And it’s it, you know, honestly, when, when go back to the when we’re in your basement. 01:10:48:04 – 01:10:53:09 Speaker 3 Seven years ago, did I think I was going to write a book, much less a no. 01:10:53:09 – 01:11:02:17 Speaker 3 But I was willing to commit to the work, to grow myself, to then in turn help others grow, because I knew what I had to overcome 01:11:02:17 – 01:11:03:00 Speaker 3 And 01:11:03:00 – 01:11:04:15 Speaker 3 it’s every one of us, 01:11:04:15 – 01:11:07:21 Speaker 3 every single person, everyone watching, listening has 01:11:07:21 – 01:11:08:21 Speaker 3 fears and insecurities. 01:11:09:01 – 01:11:11:08 Speaker 3 And again, those fears and insecurities, you 01:11:11:08 – 01:11:18:12 Speaker 3 know, at first I thought, oh, we can remove them. Nope. Never remove them. But we can recognize them and then we can respond to 01:11:18:15 – 01:11:25:23 Speaker 3 them. And more importantly, from a personal point of view. But then beyond that, how do our fears and insecurities impact others? 01:11:26:00 – 01:11:27:10 Speaker 3 Dude, that’s a whole nother level. 01:11:27:10 – 01:11:32:00 Speaker 4 Yeah, and that’s what we get into the book. I want I want to get into this. So one last little question on this. 01:11:32:02 – 01:11:47:14 Speaker 4 there is somebody out there who’s watching right now who sort of feels that calling that like, man, God is calling me to to share my expertise as a coach, a consultant, a speaker, a thought leader, a but they’re dealing with some of those insecurities 01:11:47:19 – 01:11:50:11 Speaker 4 would you tell somebody about Brand Builders group 01:11:50:13 – 01:12:18:07 Speaker 3 Lot of advice, mentorship. I mean, that’s the thing there is that, you know, it’s not going to be easy. It’s nothing worthwhile. Is everything worthwhile is uphill, right? It’s not going to be this day of butterflies and rainbows and everything’s perfect. Have you guys experienced that? I’m going to guess no. Right. But it’s understanding it and getting feedback and perspective from others like, oh wow, this people need to hear this. 01:12:18:08 – 01:12:36:04 Speaker 3 And that’s one thing to get it from your mom or, you know, a friend, a spouse that’s trying to encourage you. It’s like, ask other people like, is this something? It’s like, oh, wow, that’s meaningful. Part for me was I started my coaching consulting business as a book club and was just, all right, I’ll take people through the books that had impacted me. 01:12:36:04 – 01:12:53:12 Speaker 3 And and it started this process of like, me learning and realizing, oh, you know, as you and I shut down, this is the the problem I want to solve, but didn’t really have the framework of how to do it. And ultimately it was through somebody else that helped me build the framework. But it was like all came back to what you and I worked on in your basement. 01:12:53:12 – 01:12:55:14 Speaker 3 It’s like this stacked together because 01:12:55:14 – 01:13:02:03 Speaker 3 I was doing the work of serving people. It wasn’t just the, oh, I have this grand idea. Let me go forth with 01:13:02:05 – 01:13:10:08 Speaker 3 One of the things that people have shared with me is like, oh, this is different than a book. That is all theory. It’s like you’ve actually done it. Like, yeah, I’ve had to do it. 01:13:10:08 – 01:13:31:19 Speaker 3 Still have to do it. Yeah. And I coming back to that idea. Oh, I have this in my heart I want to share. That’s great. Belonging to share that with people and get that litmus test and saying, is this something that can be well packaged or is this just a quote unquote? I don’t say fly by night. Oh, this sounds like a great idea right now. 01:13:31:21 – 01:13:49:18 Speaker 3 You know, I go back to things that John has shared. It’s like, yeah, Maxwell, that is like, you can have a great idea, but if no one else thinks it’s a great idea, then how good of an idea is. Could be, could be great, could be exactly what people need, but be willing to work through that process as opposed to I’m going to dump everything into it. 01:13:49:18 – 01:13:55:02 Speaker 3 And then when it gets hard, you’re like, well, this is a waste, and you’re out. It’s like, it’s going to get hard. 01:13:55:04 – 01:14:19:18 Speaker 4 Yeah, well, let’s talk about this. The things we hide. So. So how do you see our underlying insecurities shaping what we do or don’t do in our in our life. And I think this does apply very much to personal brands. Right. Is to go you know, I know you you you’re you specifically kind of do like leadership coaching in that. 01:14:19:18 – 01:14:23:18 Speaker 4 But to me this topic totally overlaps with personal brands. 01:14:23:21 – 01:14:26:06 Speaker 3 I think it applies anywhere where there’s people. 01:14:26:11 – 01:14:33:15 Speaker 3 Yeah. So whether that’s leadership, whether that’s in a house with parents and kids, I mean, it’s everywhere because humans, we all deal with 01:14:33:15 – 01:14:34:19 Speaker 3 fears and insecurities. 01:14:34:21 – 01:14:50:04 Speaker 3 And what I found myself is my insecurity showed up as being intense. I just put my head down, a push and that intensity, like the lights in this room, serve a great purpose when they’re useful and when it’s not, just make it stop. 01:14:50:04 – 01:15:18:15 Speaker 3 And that’s what I felt from others, and that’s what I felt. That’s one way, one of the other ways that I found that insecurity kind of shows up is I’ll just avoid it. Like I just won’t do the hard thing. I won’t have the conversation. You know, in business, I won’t go make the call. Whether it’s a client call, whether it’s a like, I had someone call me today, been a part of my community for years, and because of where their life has changed them, being a part of the community just doesn’t fit now. 01:15:18:15 – 01:15:34:03 Speaker 3 And I could tell the conversation was a little difficult, right? There was that insecurity of, oh, how are they going to be like, I get it, man, I want you to be served. How can I serve you? There’s plenty of different ways, but this shouldn’t be a weird conversation. And yet I could tell on myself and like, there was a little insecurity there. 01:15:34:03 – 01:15:50:03 Speaker 3 Oh, where have I fallen short? Or, you know, is they or is he not going to like me anymore? It’s like, no, we all have those moments. And so the ability to recognize that and how it shows up in yourself and others, this is the great key, can calm everything down. Okay. 01:15:50:07 – 01:16:12:20 Speaker 4 So you’re using examples. They’re like overcompensating. So if I have insecurity as I might be like overcompensating in some way or I might just be avoided. It’s almost like those are two ends of a spectrum of like, I’m either way overcompensating, or I’m just pretending like it’s not there at all. Yeah. To to to avoid it. And those are, are those two of the most common patterns, I guess you see with people who are. 01:16:12:22 – 01:16:32:03 Speaker 3 Yeah. And so there I’ve established those four walls intensely. We talked about one of them in activities and other. It’s kind of the two ends. I would also insensitive where you just kind of shares a corner with inactivity or excuse me, intensity, but it’s also like, I don’t care about what problems you have, just get the job done. 01:16:32:09 – 01:16:36:19 Speaker 3 And we see that a lot of times in leadership, you may see that even with spouses, you may see that with. 01:16:37:00 – 01:16:42:23 Speaker 4 That’s interesting. You’re saying that like the reason they come across as like having no empathy is because actually they’re deeply insecure. 01:16:43:00 – 01:16:43:20 Speaker 3 Them 100%. 01:16:44:01 – 01:16:51:09 Speaker 3 They don’t want to be thought less of. I don’t want people to walk all over me. So I’m going to have a hard, rigid line. 01:16:51:11 – 01:17:10:00 Speaker 3 Another one is isolation, where it’s just like gone. Like, where were they? They were here and they’re gone. Like there’s something to address what I found since even right in the book and having these conversations is intensity and insensitivity follows the fight, you know, in fight or flight, very much fight. 01:17:10:00 – 01:17:30:22 Speaker 3 I’m going to push. I’m going to be rigid, okay. Inactivity in isolation very much follow the flight. I’m just going to disappear. So that natural response to a incident, a pressure we’re going to choose fight or flight. Well, in regard to, as I see it, from our insecurities, how it shows up in a relationship most is 01:17:30:22 – 01:17:32:17 Speaker 3 I’m going to be intense or insensitive. 01:17:32:17 – 01:17:36:20 Speaker 3 I’m going to just choose not to do anything or I’m going to disappear. 01:17:36:22 – 01:17:54:00 Speaker 3 You won’t even find me. I had one person describe it. It’s like having a boss that their office is a black hole you walk in, you may say something, you turn around and walk out and nothing ever happens at all. That’s choosing isolation. It’s it’s someone says, hey, you know, I had this idea for a big business, but I don’t want to work with anyone else. 01:17:54:00 – 01:18:11:11 Speaker 3 I just want to do it all on my own. Why? Because their insecurity is saying it’s easier to save face. It’s easier to be enough. It’s easier to be a value when everything’s on me as opposed to. Oh, I have to figure out how to work with others. I have to go through those awkward, difficult parts of how do I communicate? 01:18:11:12 – 01:18:17:04 Speaker 4 Is that the same kind of isolation of like, depression and anxiety, like retreat, or is it different than that? 01:18:17:05 – 01:18:38:19 Speaker 3 I think it can be very similar. I think that can drive people a lot to use that wall. I’m just going to, you know, whether it is depression, what’s one of the biggest concerns? Never been clinically diagnosed? I’ve never gone through it. But as I recognize I see because we’re afraid to admit to others what we’re going through, we don’t want to put that burden on others. 01:18:38:21 – 01:18:59:01 Speaker 3 It may be we just don’t know how to talk about it. That isolation comes back to the man, am I enough? Is there? What’s wrong with me? And what’s amazing is, as I have done research, as I’ve gone through it, I’ve read. It’s been around as long as people have been around. Sure. You go back to the story of Adam and Eve. 01:18:59:03 – 01:19:01:22 Speaker 3 What did they do in the garden after they ate the apple? 01:19:01:23 – 01:19:03:13 Speaker 4 Yeah, they go hide. 01:19:03:15 – 01:19:15:19 Speaker 3 The things we hide, right? That response was, oh, is God going to value me? Am I enough? Like, and that was that lie was told. And it’s the same response all these years later and. 01:19:15:21 – 01:19:23:07 Speaker 4 Well that’s like shame, right? It’s just like you go, you do something, you know, you shouldn’t have. And so you, you immediately go hide. 01:19:23:08 – 01:19:28:03 Speaker 3 I was having a conversation. We were talking about shame and guilt. And this came to me. It’s like 01:19:28:09 – 01:19:40:04 Speaker 3 guilt very much internal shame is external is kind of what I came up with. So you think about it, right? How you did something and you deal with girls. Oh, man, I wish I wouldn’t have done that. That’s an internal shame. 01:19:40:05 – 01:20:12:00 Speaker 3 Oftentimes comes from the outside. You shouldn’t have done that. Oh, you’re not worthy. It’s like, that’s really, in my opinion, not of God. That’s more of others where God doesn’t really do that, you know, repent, have feel guilty. You think about David. Do you think about all the different stories and there wasn’t this external shame. And so when even we’re talking about these insecurities of recognizing how and where that shows up is really important, because if our shame from the external drives us, then we have to overcome that and say, no, I made a mistake. 01:20:12:02 – 01:20:24:08 Speaker 3 It’s okay. We all make mistakes. And so I’m going to choose that internally to own it as opposed to the shame of someone’s like, hey, here’s the story. 01:20:24:10 – 01:20:46:10 Speaker 3 I share a little bit about the purpose of what I’m doing. My brother. So when I was 14, my younger brother Joel died in a farming accident. He was three. And one thing that I know, without a shadow of a doubt 100% from God is I’ve never had a millisecond, any moment of guilt. I ran over him. He died. 01:20:46:14 – 01:21:03:20 Speaker 3 And when I share that with people, I were like, oh, it’s like, well, I don’t know. But that’s got. And so that freedom of guilt, but also the shame of it, it’s like, well, someone from the outside could shame me. It’s like, oh, look what happened. I okay, but that’s on you. That’s not me. That’s not what God has placed me with. 01:21:03:20 – 01:21:30:04 Speaker 3 Now, if there was guilt there, all you made about this, that’s like, okay, then that’s something I have to deal with internally. And, and I think when we come to our insecurities in the root, they have what fears, what what concerns we have if they’re externally driven. Man, that drives us to put up some big walls. I had a conversation with a guy in my podcast and he was talking about his fourth grade teacher said, you will never accomplish anything. 01:21:30:05 – 01:21:55:06 Speaker 3 You’re dyslexic, you can’t read whatever. I think he’s written 17 bestsellers. It’s like, but yet every time he goes to write a book, that’s what he thinks of his fourth grade teacher and what she told him. And that outward shame is what often drives internal insecurities and fears. Now, there can be internal stuff as well that we can manifest, but both of them create barriers in our relationships. 01:21:55:06 – 01:22:00:05 Speaker 3 And that’s the biggest thing, is can we understand when those barriers are showing up. 01:22:00:05 – 01:22:31:15 Speaker 4 So what are your what’s your. So basically you’ve got these insecurities. You’ve got these sort of four sort of primary reactions that you’re talking to that that manifests as a result of insecurity. What’s the remedy here. Like what what do you do about this? Or like how do we resolve it? And again, I’m thinking back to the person watching or listening to this interview going, I feel called to share my expertise with the world, but I have insecurity. 01:22:31:15 – 01:22:52:10 Speaker 4 And maybe it’s because they’re looking at other people going, I can’t be as good as them. Or maybe they’re going, I’m afraid to fail. Or maybe they’re going, I don’t I don’t feel qualified to do this. And so they could be isolating. They, they, they could be overcompensating and like over producing their content and like, you know, just like pushing too hard and they’re turning people off. 01:22:52:11 – 01:23:00:10 Speaker 4 So I think about that person doing this right. How do you get how do you break free of some of this? 01:23:00:12 – 01:23:01:02 Speaker 3 I mean, 01:23:01:05 – 01:23:20:04 Speaker 3 it’s a framework. It’s a three step and it’s it’s simple. Its first recognize it. However, those fears and insecurities showing up. I mean, for me, that’s the assessment of the walls, right? We talked about the four walls intensity, insensitivity, inactivity, isolation. Find out which one because it shows up and I lean against one. Some people, you know, lean into a corner, but that’s your go to. 01:23:20:04 – 01:23:24:12 Speaker 3 And then when that shows up on it. Sorry, I’m being intense. 01:23:24:12 – 01:23:25:13 Speaker 4 So that’s the second thing. 01:23:25:14 – 01:23:43:01 Speaker 3 Yeah. Just own it. Because here’s the thing is, is when you own how your insecurity shows up, everyone around you be like, oh, finally they figured it out. No one knows what your insecurity is, but they surely know how it shows up. They know when you’re being a little tense. They know when you’re like, where did they go? 01:23:43:02 – 01:23:49:10 Speaker 3 Like everyone knows that they couldn’t put a finger on it. They don’t have words for it, but they can feel it. So just own it. 01:23:49:11 – 01:23:54:02 Speaker 4 How do you what is that like? Give me an example of that. What does that mean to own your instrument? 01:23:54:03 – 01:24:07:13 Speaker 3 Let’s say, you know you’re doing something here and it’s like, all right, you’re pretty intense. All right. We need to get this done, this, this done, and let us take a break. It’s like, oh, man, I’m pushing a little too hard. I’m sorry. I’m thinking about all the things I need to get done yet. I’m sorry for that. 01:24:07:13 – 01:24:09:10 Speaker 3 And everyone’s like, oh, they acknowledged it. 01:24:09:10 – 01:24:10:20 Speaker 4 So like a public admission. 01:24:10:21 – 01:24:23:15 Speaker 3 Absolutely. To the people close to your spouse or whatever to your kids. Say I was a little too hard or, oh, why didn’t you deal with that? You know what? I didn’t know the answer. So I’m going to I just didn’t know the answer of. That’s why I avoided it. 01:24:23:16 – 01:24:24:06 Speaker 4 Yeah. You know what? 01:24:24:06 – 01:24:46:10 Speaker 4 What’s crazy about when you’re pursuing dreams? Yeah. I have found it super powerful to just admit that I’m scared. In fact, this is one of my most frequent prayers to God is. I’m like God, I’m scared that this is not going to work out. Like I’m actually just. I’m just scared. Yeah. And it’s amazing how much peace comes from the moment you just admit, like, I’m scared. 01:24:46:10 – 01:25:08:20 Speaker 4 I’m uncertain about what’s going to happen. And just immediately it’s like, sort of it’s almost like, you know, for people who are, you know, Christians anyways, there’s this opportunity to just give it to God where it’s like, hey, I’m I’m reached. I’ve reached beyond my own strength here. I’m just going to hand this to you. And that’s really powerful. 01:25:08:20 – 01:25:17:01 Speaker 4 But even even in a secular environment, you’re just, you know, putting it out there for everybody. Like, I’m nervous. I’m scared. I’m, you know. 01:25:17:02 – 01:25:29:03 Speaker 3 And people respond wildly to that. And it’s what I call being authentically vulnerable. It’s not this, oh, look at me. Oh, I’m scared. And all of a sudden feel bad for it’s like, no, I’m scared. Like, I don’t know what I’m going to do. 01:25:29:03 – 01:25:35:09 Speaker 3 That level of owning and what I describe as authentic vulnerability is the solution to our insecurities. 01:25:35:15 – 01:25:48:21 Speaker 3 And so it’s getting to that point. So recognize the fears and insecurities, owning how they show up and have that authentic vulnerability, then reframing our mindsets and beliefs. Where did that come from? Oh, you know, when I was in middle school, people used to tease me all the time. 01:25:48:21 – 01:25:53:00 Speaker 4 So you want people to actually go back and identify sort of the like source incidents? 01:25:53:01 – 01:26:17:00 Speaker 3 Absolutely. 100%. Because if you don’t, you’re constantly putting a Band-Aid on it. Like if you have a wound and you don’t, you know, get stitched a cut, guess what? It’s going to keep bleeding. It’s going to never heal. It’s never going to become a scar. And part of what we all have in our fears and insecurities develop these wounds, and they can be deep and they can be really difficult. 01:26:17:00 – 01:26:37:05 Speaker 3 And I think that’s what through the the story about my brother, that moment is not where my fears and insecurities came up. Not at all, but how I responded in a difficult moment. Oh, that’s how I dealt with everything. So in that moment I became very intense. I just put my head down and push, and I either get the heck out of my way or whatever. 01:26:37:06 – 01:26:39:11 Speaker 4 You’re saying. In response to what happened with your brother. 01:26:39:12 – 01:26:39:22 Speaker 3 100. 01:26:39:22 – 01:26:41:21 Speaker 4 Percent, you started overcompensating. 01:26:41:21 – 01:26:42:08 Speaker 3 With I. 01:26:42:08 – 01:26:47:19 Speaker 4 Just pushed because you never went back and acknowledged what how you felt in that moment. No. 01:26:47:19 – 01:26:50:14 Speaker 3 It was more of like, that’s how I dealt with it. And so 01:26:50:15 – 01:27:06:11 Speaker 3 when we have these moments where our fears and insecurities pop up, whatever that may be from, from Young Life. And how did you deal with that? Oh, you know, I somebody was teasing me, so I just left the room. Somebody was teasing me, so I snapped back at them. 01:27:06:11 – 01:27:12:13 Speaker 3 That response is the same response that we have later in life whenever we face a difficulty. 01:27:12:15 – 01:27:12:20 Speaker 4 Yeah, 01:27:13:01 – 01:27:21:18 Speaker 4 it is like some people run to isolation, addiction, temptation, whatever. Some people just avoid everything. Some people become super mean and aggressive, 01:27:21:19 – 01:27:26:08 Speaker 4 like and retaliate. Overachievers and then overachievers, just like, work like crazy. 01:27:26:08 – 01:27:26:18 Speaker 3 And 01:27:26:20 – 01:27:32:16 Speaker 3 all of those are a wall. That’s a barrier because it’s not our true, authentic, vulnerable self. 01:27:32:20 – 01:27:35:16 Speaker 4 You mean a barrier to other people being in relationship with. 01:27:35:16 – 01:27:41:23 Speaker 3 You 100%. So if you’re looking at from a leadership point of view, if you’re looking at a relationship, people to walk with you. 01:27:42:00 – 01:27:47:10 Speaker 4 Yeah. Or if you’re building your personal brand people to like, follow you, subscribe, come along, become. 01:27:47:12 – 01:27:50:08 Speaker 3 Like whatever your personal brand is delivering. But if your personal. 01:27:50:08 – 01:28:06:03 Speaker 4 Brand is not actually seeing the real you, I’m seeing your I’m seeing your response to insecurity. Like my my interaction with you is not with you. There’s a wall there of that’s really the, the the reflection of your insecurity. And that’s, that’s what the barrier is. 01:28:06:05 – 01:28:23:03 Speaker 3 And oftentimes what I found, you can feel it when you when you start to look for it, you can feel it’s like, why was that weird as opposed to. Oh, that was easy. That was simple because they were being genuine and authentic and vulnerable. It’s like, oh, that’s the same person. I’m always around. And so what I’m like, man, can I be that person? 01:28:23:03 – 01:28:41:15 Speaker 3 Because if I’m that person, then I’m going to be able to have influence. Then I’m going to be able to have relationships that are meaningful. I’m going to be able to impact others. But it comes through this process of recognizing those fears, how they show up. Own it. Okay. Why do I wear a black shirt? It’s easy, makes it easy. 01:28:41:15 – 01:29:04:20 Speaker 3 I also get sweaty pits so I have to worry about it. Yeah, I wear a black shirt. It’s fun. That’s telling a cheap, but that’s reality. And then it’s like, all right, what can I do to reframe those mindsets beliefs and not believe the lies, not believe the lies that are insecurities are telling us like, oh, the only way to accomplish something is just put down, you know, put your head down and push and and just get results at no cost. 01:29:04:22 – 01:29:22:15 Speaker 3 Might not. That’s not worth it. I need to go with others. And so that’s where something you and I worked on together seven years ago and this concept that I wrote about the empathy spectrum, and it’s kind of on these, you know, two sides, like you can be an ahole and push and I’ve been there. It doesn’t work very well. 01:29:22:15 – 01:29:42:00 Speaker 3 And you can be a doormat and let people walk all over you. That kind of isolation, inactivity. Again, the problem is then you’re going to feel constantly just wrung out. The healthy is in the middle, and at that spectrum we all deal with and kind of comes back to what I’ve learned to define empathy as is to put your arms around someone and walk with them. 01:29:42:00 – 01:30:07:08 Speaker 3 But that takes vulnerability and that takes we’re doing it at the same pace. A lot of biblical elements there, like don’t be unequally yoked and that feed into it and realize, oh, that’s the way. But it takes being authentically vulnerable. And when you start doing that, man, the insecurity is no longer scream at you. Will they? Sure. You know, no different than I shared the beginning. 01:30:07:08 – 01:30:11:20 Speaker 3 It’s like, yeah, we all did. They’re going to come up again. It’s how do you deal with them? 01:30:11:22 – 01:30:18:05 Speaker 4 Do you just like you? It’s not like your insecurities disappear, it’s just that you become more effective at managing them, basically. 01:30:18:07 – 01:30:34:20 Speaker 3 And responding to them. And, you know, to be up on stage and it’s like, yeah, I’m super nervous. Most people are like, I would expect you to be right. Okay. That made the entire audience feel more at ease. What are they going to do when they’re more at ease? They’re going to lean in more. They’re like, I can relate to this person. 01:30:34:20 – 01:30:55:04 Speaker 3 If you’re, you know, doing a consultation with someone like, man, I don’t know how we’re going to get there. But you know what? I have a team around us. We will get there. Everyone’s like they can relax at that as opposed to I have all these answers. And like when it doesn’t work because you’re trying to figure out which is often normal, they’re like, well, I thought you had all the answers. 01:30:55:05 – 01:31:12:14 Speaker 3 And then that working relationship doesn’t go well as opposed to, all right, this is a challenge. We haven’t seen this one yet. That’s all right. Great resources I know we have great people around us. We will figure this out. People will go with that person anywhere because they’re honest. They’re being authentic. They’re being vulnerable. 01:31:12:16 – 01:31:29:17 Speaker 4 Just one last. So I have one last question. I have another question for you. Oh you did. So before we do that, tell me where to go to get the book, get plugged in to you, what you’re doing. If people are like, I want more of this, or maybe somebody listening, that’s like, actually, we need some of this sort of leadership development and training for my team. 01:31:29:18 – 01:31:30:20 Speaker 4 Where would you send them? 01:31:31:01 – 01:31:48:03 Speaker 3 The first thing I want to send you to is if you go to my Instagram, Tyler underscore Dicker Hough, you send me a message walls. I’ll give you a access to my assessment that’ll help you identify which one of those walls kind of shows up for you. Beyond that, you can buy the book wherever you buy books Barnes and Noble, Amazon, wherever those things are at. 01:31:48:08 – 01:32:03:14 Speaker 3 But if you do those two things, I know this. This isn’t by my own work, but what others you will be impacted and it will show something that maybe was a blind spot, or maybe something you didn’t realize was making leadership and life hard. 01:32:03:15 – 01:32:25:16 Speaker 4 Yeah. So that’s the last question I wanted to ask about, is just when you you talked about sort of like owning it and then identifying that that original incident. What do you do tactically to rewrite, like you said, sort of like you spot or you identify the lie that you’re telling yourself, what do you do tactically to rewrite that? 01:32:25:17 – 01:32:33:03 Speaker 4 Do you? Is it literally just like affirmations in the mirror? Are you just writing it down? Is there like, is it all of those things? 01:32:33:09 – 01:32:50:03 Speaker 3 It’s a blend of all those. The framework that I use is first, if we go back to it is the window and the mirror, and part of that is we can look in the, in the mirror and think we’re oh, we’re great. Those are our intentions on our own actions. So ask people on the other side of the window, hey, what do you see that I don’t see? 01:32:50:03 – 01:33:05:16 Speaker 3 And they’re going to expose things you’re great at. And they’re going to expose things that you’re struggling with. Own it. Right. The next one is be the sharpest knife in the drawer. And I learned that from our friend John. And he, you know, shared that with me. If I were to ask right now, we were going to your house. 01:33:05:16 – 01:33:22:11 Speaker 3 Rory, tell me where the sharpest knife is. Describe it. You can tell me exactly where it is. Probably what it looks like. And I can go easily walk into the kitchen and find it. Right. John Rulon taught me that. Okay, you know what? If I ask you the same question, tell me where your favorite fork is. What does it look like? 01:33:22:11 – 01:33:43:00 Speaker 3 How would I find it? Favorite fork? Who has a favorite? Be the sharpest knife. Not all the utensils in the drawer. And part of that reframe. What do you do great at? What’s your uniqueness? Which brand builders helps people find out in discover? That’s part of that. Reframing your mindset and belief. Be the sharpest knife. And then the last one is what I call the five hours of mindset. 01:33:43:00 – 01:34:04:16 Speaker 3 And it’s working at your mindset every day. You have to do it. Every day is your boys are at the age now. Where my boys were at. The age is like they need to shower. Every day is eventually they’re going to start to stink. The same for us if we’re not resetting our mindset, if we don’t have a routine, if we’re not choosing to remember or not, if we’re not being realistic, we’re not doing that every day. 01:34:04:16 – 01:34:28:13 Speaker 3 If we don’t have a practice to do that every day, eventually we’re going to succumb to all those fears and insecurities all over again. What are you doing to again flex that muscle? Whether it’s workout, you know, all of those factors are the same. Do you build it into your routine every day? You’ll have the tools to break through the moments that, yeah, are difficult, that those values that you’re in that are normal because it’s all a part of growth. 01:34:28:17 – 01:34:29:07 Speaker 3 01:34:29:09 – 01:34:54:05 Speaker 4 I love it. So the things we hide, that’s the title of the book you’re listening to, Tyler Dicker Hoof, and I want to encourage you to go follow him and leave a comment. You can grab his assessment. Also, share this episode with somebody that maybe, you know, struggling with insecurity, somebody who, you know has a lot more potential than the level that they’re currently playing at, or just somebody that you believe in and that you go, hey, I think this will encourage you. 01:34:54:05 – 01:35:15:10 Speaker 4 So make sure you share that episode with them. And, you know, we appreciate you coming here. Make sure you rate review the show wherever you listen. Tyler thanks for your support. It man. Thanks for letting us be a part of your journey after all these years. It’s so exciting to see what you’ve built simply in the phase of setting the stage for everything that you’re about to do. 01:35:15:10 – 01:35:18:09 Speaker 4 So we wish you the best man and much love to you. 01:35:18:10 – 01:35:19:22 Speaker 3 Appreciate it. Thank you so much.