Ep 600: The Pain That Prepared Our Purpose: The Untold Story Behind “Wealthy and Well-Known”
Rory: [00:00:00] Hey, welcome to a very special edition of the Influential Personal Brand Podcast. I am excited to interview the most beautiful, the most smart. The best guest we’ve ever had. My wife, my business partner, my best friend, and, uh, the co-author, my co-author of our new book, wealthy and Well-Known.
Please welcome CEO of Brand Builders Group. Hey, Jay Den,
AJ: you can tell he’s earning some brownie points working towards, oh, working towards some, some good feelings with the wife.
Rory: I either got in trouble or I’m gonna get in trouble, so, um, uh, so. We’re interviewing AJ about our new book, wealthy and Well Known.
If you haven’t heard, uh, this is my first book in 10 years and it is AJ’s first book ever. Congratulations, babe.
AJ: Thank you.
Rory: Um, so the way we’re gonna do this is I’m gonna interview AJ on her book. Her first book ever. So I’m an interviewer, even though I, I helped write some of it. Um, and we did [00:01:00] this together.
We’re gonna ask her, uh, about the book and some of what’s not in the book, uh, and the story behind the book. And, uh, we just wanted you as our dedicated podcast listeners as some of our most loyal fans and subscribers. We wanted to make sure you got a chance to hear from us first about this book and, and why we wrote it and, uh, why we’re, what, what we’re doing here.
So, um. I wanna start with why, why did, why did you feel like we needed to write this book right now at this moment in history? ’cause we’ve been in business for seven years already. I. Uh, so why all of a sudden now’s the time?
AJ: Well, it definitely wasn’t all of a sudden, let’s be clear. Um, technically this book is a lifetime in the making as many of our life stories and the examples and.
Stories in the book. Literally go all the way back for at least me in this particular book to [00:02:00] age seven, right? Mm-hmm. So it’s a lifetime in the making, but seven years truly in production. So the idea that all of a sudden we decided this was the time, that’s not necessarily true. In fact, just this morning we were having this conversation with some new members of our team about build the audience before you write the book.
Mm-hmm.
AJ: Right? Build the audience before you write the book. And. It’s been seven years of. Rebuilding our audience, building a new audience, and rebuilding our team and putting in the infrastructure. And if you’ve been here long enough listening to this podcast or a part of the Brand Builders Group community, then you know, we say this all the time, that the book is not the hypothesis.
It’s the conclusion.
Mm-hmm. And
AJ: the last seven years have been our hypotheses that we’ve been validating, testing and curating and fine tuning and making sure that everything was tight. And that has what has led us to this [00:03:00] time. I don’t think there’s anything unique about this particular day or season of this book other than we’re ready.
We’re ready. That’s why it’s time.
Mm-hmm. We’re
AJ: ready. I feel like the audience is ready. Um, but we feel very, very clear on what our purpose is here in this world and in this life. And I think it’s taken us a while to get clear on that, but I feel like as we have gotten really clear on that, it has become more clear.
This is the book, this is the time, and, uh, we’re here. Right now.
Rory: I love it. So one thing that I love about this book is that it is. A combination of different things. It’s a tactical textbook, a very like best of the best of what we’ve learned at Brand Builders Group from building and being a part of some of the biggest personal brands in the world behind the scenes.
But my favorite part of this book is the memoir piece of it. There’s stories about our lives. Memoir is
AJ: a strong word, that memoir, [00:04:00] there’s,
Rory: there’s stories, um, that are a part of our, there’s some good stories and particularly your life because. This is your first book. Mm-hmm. And a lot of people, you know, we’ve never codified your stories, stories, stories in a book.
Now you mentioned a moment ago that we’ve had to rebuild, um, for people who are brand new or haven’t heard the story, or haven’t heard the story in a while. What were we rebuilding from? And can you, can you share the opening line? ’cause we alternate chapters. Uh, so we write, we each take turns writing different chapters
AJ: here.
I’m just gonna read it. Why
Rory: don’t you grab it? Why don’t you read the first line so that you can hear the first chapter verbatim right outta your voice. Here’s a little, a little, a little clip of the audio book, uh, directly from AJ Vaden opening line.
AJ: May 4th, 2018. Today is your last day. Your services are no longer needed here.
Rory: What [00:05:00] happened? What, what, what did happen? What, what are you, what what? Uh, what’s the. Tell us the, tell us what you can of the story briefly. What was happening in that moment?
AJ: Yeah, so May 4th, 2018 was, you know, I think all of us, if we look back just a little bit of universal context, have moments, events, uh, experiences in our lives that there was a before and an after.
Mm. Right.
AJ: And that was that for me, it was the ending of an era and the beginning of something new and what that new was, I wasn’t sure in that moment, but it was definitely the ending of something. It was a necessary ending. It was, uh, an ending that I wish had gone a little differently. Um, but on May 4th, 2018, I got fired and there was a, a long season of three or four years.
I had a really hard time saying those words. I had a hard time saying the words. I was fired. I think there was a lot of [00:06:00] shame around that. Like what did I do like. Like, I think there’s just like a negative connotation with getting fired. Um, and I’ve come to realize it’s not always true. Sometimes there’s a negative, uh, reason.
And, and in this case, I think I could share my perspective. They could share their perspective. And at the end of the day, I don’t really care about my perspective or their perspective anymore. I care that God had a better plan for me. And I didn’t have the courage to leave our former business.
Rory: Yeah. What, what were you being fired from, just to clarify our former company?
Yeah. So what, what was, what, what were we doing?
AJ: We had a sales training and sales coaching business that we had spent the better part of the previous 13 years building. Um, and when I say the better part, I mean the better part of our lives. Right. Um, I share this in the book. It’s like for, I saw the decade I very.
Willfully gave up all personal events, birthdays, [00:07:00] anniversaries, weddings, birthday parties in the name of company, first revenue, profit, ego, ambition, success titles, accolades, uh, thinking that, you know, if I give it all up, if I put, if I make the company first, then, then they’ll see how good I am. Then they’ll see how loyal I am.
Then I’ll, they’ll see how committed I am if I give it everything I have. And so I did. I gave it everything I had and then I got super fired and lots of different things went into that. And the truth is though, I knew I was losing myself, uh, I knew years before I got fired, this wasn’t the right place for me.
I knew in my soul that I was doing something that didn’t feel aligned with my purpose. I felt. Uh, very isolated from my personal life and personal friends and family. And, um, I lost a lot of friends in the, in those seasons because of ambition and success [00:08:00] and the pursuit of success, uh, whatever that was, uh, for me at that time.
Um, and I didn’t see it, but I felt it. Right. I felt alone. I felt isolated. I felt like no matter what I tried, it wasn’t enough. I felt really like I had to earn my worth, and I, I didn’t feel good about that, and so I had genuinely wanted to leave a couple of times and didn’t, and. When this day came, and that’s why I said I, God had a better plan for me.
And, uh, this was no longer the seat for me. And because I didn’t have the courage to do it when I knew I should, it happened in a lot more of an aggressive way. Um, but I also, I can honestly say, and I share this in the book, it’s like I needed a. A full tear down. I needed, I needed the, the humbling experience of having it stripped away.
I, I personally needed a heart [00:09:00] transformation for me to become present to how much I had made my work, my idol.
Rory: Yeah. I think, you know, as I reread this, uh, which you as if you’ve ever written a book, you know, you reread your own book dozens of times before it becomes real. One of the things that really has.
Set in with me is that this is a book about identity. Mm-hmm. Not just the tactics of personal branding, but the, the stories and particularly your stories, uh, and how they intersect become our story. And the company story is really about who you are as a person. And, um, for those of you that don’t know, our first business, that was an eight figure business.
We had about 200 people, uh, ish that were on the team with business partners with. We had business partners and investors. Investors. We had, um, uh, thousands of clients. Um, you were consulting and large boardrooms with some of the biggest companies in America. [00:10:00] And all of a sudden, in one moment it was gone.
Um, and everything that we had known. Was gone, our team was gone. The technology we’d built was gone. The curriculum we created was gone. The, the relationships that we had built were gone. Our, our, our platform, our following, our podcast, uh, all of it was gone in an instant and there was a clean slate, um, for us And for you.
And, and I think, what did you learn a, a, about your identity in that moment? Because you’re talking about. You, you kind of knew you had some instincts or some nudges that maybe you shouldn’t leave. You didn’t, for various reasons, obligations, responsibility, but then it was all taken away. What did you learn about yourself in that moment when it was all erased or like wiped clean, as you said?
AJ: Well, I share this in the book. Um, but in the moment [00:11:00] that those words were spoken, there was this immense sense of relief.
Hmm.
AJ: And terror. It was like, oh my gosh, I, I don’t have to make this decision. It’s been made for me. That was the relief. It was, I don’t have to explain or let people down or justify my reasons.
I don’t have to do any of that. This was, this was done for me. That was the relief part, and the terror part was, oh crap, what does that mean next? Like. Does that mean I’m not gonna have a paycheck? Does that, what does that mean, uh, for my team? Do I not get to say bye? What does that mean? What does that mean?
Mm-hmm. Like for our business, for our equity, for our ip. So it was this also, we
Rory: had a a, a brand new baby.
AJ: Had a brand new baby and, uh, first baby. So there was all those kind of, there was this [00:12:00] huge 800 pound gorilla. Removed from my back and then a new one put on. So it was, uh, but I, but that’s the honest truth.
It was a huge relief because I was kind of living in this daily torment of should I go, should I stay? Should I go, should I stay? Um, and the, the staying part kept winning.
Mm-hmm.
AJ: Um, against my better judgment for, for me. And that, that was the relief part. And the terror part is it’s, oh crap, what does that mean for.
Real everyday life.
Mm-hmm.
AJ: So I think that is a huge part of realizing there was this deep knowing that I wasn’t doing what God called me to do. Um, and that was the relief part of like, okay, like this is my chance. And then the terror part is the, the fear of the unknown, just fear in general. Um, but what I learned about myself, not in that moment, that’s what I learned in that moment, is you can have both at the same time.
Rory: Yeah.
AJ: And I [00:13:00] think that’s healthy and was uh,
Rory: there may be someone living that right this second feeling like there’s something wrong with them. And it’s like, no, you can have these two very absolutely strong dichotomy. Juxtaposition, very real.
AJ: And it was the next couple of years that I learned that my entire worth, my entire identity had been basically packaged up underneath this work, this work role that I was living.
And it was a really hard. Transition of everything I had done, everything I had built, everything I had known was just gone and quote unquote, had nothing to show for it. Um, lots of life experiences, lots of good things. Um, but tangibly, I’m like, oh my gosh. It’s like all gone.
Rory: It can all be taken. My social media
AJ: is gone.
The podcast is gone. The books might be gone. My clients are gone. The money is gone, my team is gone, my assistant is gone. My contacts. Are gone. Like [00:14:00] that was a very real thing of going, I, I didn’t know that could happen. I didn’t know it could just like disappear in 24 hours. And so I think that was like more of the terror, uh, part that I’m like, wow, you could spend 13 years.
I spent 13 years giving up everything that I stood for that just disappeared overnight. It was really humbling and very, um, infuriating. And so what I learned is, the reason I was so mad about it is because I looked around and I didn’t really have a lot of friends left.
Mm.
AJ: I looked around and I, you know, I didn’t have the work to do where I had filled my mind with bu
I, I looked around and felt really lost because everything that had been my identity was just gone. And the quote, unquote, nothing to show for it was. Oh, I don’t have all this busy work to do, or calls to lead, or emails to check. And I had found like that I found my, my worth [00:15:00] and all of that stuff. I had found my worth in a whole bunch of insignificant things like emails and calendar invites and calls and, and when it was all gone, I kind of looked around going like, what now?
Like, who, who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to tell people I do like, and that’s, that’s when it hit me. It’s like, oh, I, I didn’t get it right. I got it wrong. I got it really wrong. Um, and it had to be all gone for me to see it.
Rory: If you look at the high level arc of our journey as business partners together, if, if you don’t know, AJ and I were started as business partners first, uh, in our first company.
And then we started dating like a year into that. But we started from zero making cold calls out of the Yellow Pages, built that company to eight figures. We launched our first New York Times bestselling book. We built this team. You built a multi seven figure [00:16:00] consultancy, speaking bureau, coaching company, and then all of that disappears in one moment.
And then you fast forward to where we are today. A brand Builders group is back to eight figures. We got 50 ish employees. We work with some of the biggest personal brands in the world. Many of the people who endorse the book, uh, ed Millet, Amy Porterfield, John Maxwell, Louis Howes, et cetera. Um, we’ve worked with a lot of these great clients.
But in that interim, tell us the story of how Brand Builders Group got started. So you’re, everything is gone. You realize, oh man, my whole identity was wrapped up in this. Who am I? What do I tell people? I do. What happened next? How did, how did you go from that or to, to brand builders group becoming a thing?
AJ: Mm. Well that’s a great question and uh, I’m actually gonna pull the book out just for a second and go back to the acknowledgement. Section at the very end of the book, um, because I think it’s [00:17:00] worthy of doing a verbal acknowledgement for a very specific person. There’s so many people that made this possible.
Um, but at the, at the very start, the match that kind of started the flame was Lewis Howes and. So I’m just gonna read this ’cause I think in the audio book, Rory reads it. So this is my chance to read it to Lewis. To Lewis Howes. It’s pure fact that we would not be where we are or doing what we are doing without you.
We are eternally grateful for the divine intervention that brought you into our lives. We cannot possibly begin to express our gratitude for your generosity, belief in us, and willingness to help us when things felt so out of reach. Thank you for the bottom of our hearts. That took a lot of restraint, not to cry, um, but uh, you know, in the middle of the chaos that was getting [00:18:00] fired and a lot of unnecessarily.
Hard things that came out after that. Um, we get a call from Louis, um, and Rory, you know, you had been building a relationship with you Lewis for years. I was very much, um, an associate like a, a friend of Louis by proxy. Um, didn’t have a personal relationship with Louis at all. So when he calls us, was really calling you but us by default, um, as this two become one thing.
Right? So, uh, he calls. And it was like, Hey Rory, I don’t know why I’ve gotten this feeling, this prompting. I should call you and, uh, I need help with my business and my personal brand. And any chance you just have some time to like sit and talk to me. And, uh, I remember we were not too far away from each other and it’s like this almost the first time of levity, of laughter in the middle of all this, of like, yeah.
We got lots [00:19:00] of time, lots of calendars, calendars and calendars wide open calendar has been cleared. Yeah. Um, which I do also believe is the divinely orchestrated.
Amen.
AJ: Uh, the timing is just impossible to ignore. In the contacting of us by Lewis, the later the podcast that released and the events that followed, like the timing is impossible to ignore, that this was not divinely orchestrated.
Um. For our good. That doesn’t mean good things aren’t hard. I think the best things in life can be very hard. Marriage is hard. Being a parent is hard. Uh, running a business is hard and it’s good. It’s so good. So when he called, we did have this wide open calendar, which if he had called two weeks before.
Yeah. Right. Like. Our calendars were chock full every minute of every day. That wouldn’t have been a, it [00:20:00] wouldn’t have been a possibility. It would’ve been an oversight or it just, it just wouldn’t have happened. Um, so I think that in, in and of itself is just, was the first sign that like, God’s up to something.
Mm-hmm. Like this, this is gonna be okay. And that was just within two days of me getting fired. Um, and then Louis came to Nashville. Flew to Nashville, spent two days with us in our basement. Now the, don’t think basement. Basement, it was like a decent basement. Yeah. Like, uh, it wasn’t like it was fish. We were hiding out in a dungeon or anything.
It wasn’t that crazy. Um, but we spent two days with him and just listening and asking questions and thinking and talking. Really, it was just doing the stuff that we do and that we had done for your book, for the podcast, for our coaching business, for all the things that, here’s what I would say, what I realized in that the, the two weeks after is that everything had not been lost.
It had all been for preparation. Um, the conversations around books and speaking and [00:21:00] podcasting and coaching and consulting are all things that we had been doing for 13 years, and that’s why we could speak so easily and off the cuff about it. We didn’t need to have a course or a book or a workbook ready to do this to help him.
This was already in our lane of expertise. It was already in our lane of what we do. ’cause we’ve been doing it
Rory: even though that’s not what we.
AJ: Did as a business. That’s not what
Rory: we did as a business before then.
AJ: But I think it, it was all like coming together of like, no, like this is preparation. Like what we, what we quote unquote lost has not been lost, is just showing up in a new way, in a new form, in a new season.
Um, and I think those were, you know, really important aha moments to have in the middle of a lot of like, oh gosh, are we gonna make it? Oh gosh, are we gonna be able to pay the bills? Oh gosh, what? What’s gonna happen? Also at the same time knowing, oh, okay, [00:22:00] there is something there. We have done this before.
We can do this again. Again, feelings of fear and hope can coexist. Mm-hmm. They can be there at the same time. Um, and so at the end of those two days, it was Lewis who said, this is why. This happened. This is why you’re fired, right? This is why this is going on. Like this is your new business. This is what you guys can, you can do.
You, y’all should do this. Like this is your new business. Um, and, but this is, but this is a part that’s crazy. It’s like I just genuinely believe regardless of what everyone else’s religious beliefs are, and affiliations of faith, for me, I’m a devout believer in Jesus. And God, and in my life and in our family, this was the biggest, loudest, brightest sign on planet Earth of, I have a plan for you.
Rory: Amen.
AJ: [00:23:00] Will you trust me?
Rory: So Louis comes over, I remember he says to us, you guys were born to do this. This is your new business. And I was like. No, we just got done working 80 hours a week, like for 12 years. Like we don’t have a business, we don’t have a team, we don’t have a bank account. Like we don’t have not a business bank account.
A business bank account. And, and I said, we don’t have an audience. We don’t, we don’t have a, a database, a list. And Louis said, that’s okay. I have one and I’m gonna have you on my show. And we’re going to, you’re gonna tell the whole world everything that you taught me, and we’re gonna tell everyone this is what you are gonna do.
And so, uh, he invited me out to speak at his mastermind. We signed up our first two clients there. Uh, brave
AJ: souls. Very brave souls. We didn’t even have a way to collect the money. [00:24:00]
Rory: Justin
AJ: and Danielle, if you are listening, you have no idea how much confidence that you inspired in us and our team. By signing up and giving us your credit card that in that very first two weeks.
Rory: Yep. And then Lewis has me come on the podcast. We started, uh, walking and figuring out, oh, could we do this and what would it take and how could we pull it off? And then we, and then I go on the podcast, what happens after that podcast?
AJ: Lots of things. Do you have something specific in that? Well, just, just, just
Rory: the how many calls and like, what was the state of our, what was the state of our team in our company?
Oh,
AJ: I, I asked because I was like, and again, I think this is just a, a beautiful picture of how the best things in life and the hardest things at life can all happen simultaneously. I got fired two days later. Louis shows up with this. Grand idea. Um, right. Divinely orchestrated, um, [00:25:00] Lewis’s podcast. Go live, goes live and we get sued all within three days of each other.
And so I think that, and that’s why I asked, well, which thing? There’s lots of things are happening around that time. Um, and so I think that’s just, it’s a really beautiful example of the highest highs and the lowest lows can coexist in life. And that is the adventure of life.
Rory: It’s so interesting ’cause one of the other things that happened was around that time someone broke into our house.
Mm-hmm. And they stole all of your late mother’s jewelry. Um, and just recently, like recently, now. Lewis had someone break into his house, uh, and then, and then someone broke into Matt’s car and they just posted about this on YouTube and I said, I said, man, uh, it’s so terrible. I know you, you feel so like victimized.
But I said, look, for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. I. And I think when these bad things happen, it’s because you’re being prepared for this incredible good. And the, the, the metaphor I think of as an [00:26:00] arrow being pulled back. Mm-hmm. Right? And it’s like the farther you pull the arrow back, the faster it shoots forward.
And so I think. Sometimes when these like really hard things are happening, it’s because it’s like, it’s literally the world is shaping. God is orchestrating to go. There’s an equal and opposite positive reaction coming, like you are an arrow being pulled back that’s about to release.
AJ: Well, yeah, well just even at the, the story of when our house was broken into and all of our, you know, things were stolen.
Um, it was also in a really hard financial season where it was like, are we gonna be able to make the next payroll? Are we gonna be able to pay our bills? And the insurance money was able, it bought us three months of payroll. And it’s not, that’s not just putting a positive spin on it. It’s, it was provision.
And that’s just a choice to see it. It’s a perspective, it’s a lens. It’s like, is that the way I wanted provision to show up? No, uh, not really, but at the same token, I was praying for provision and there it is. It’s like, but do I see the [00:27:00] blessings right in front of my face? Or do I only see the hard parts?
Um, and so, you know, Louis’ podcast go live. We get sued almost at the exact same time, but, you know, this podcast goes live and we’re a personal branding firm, y’all. Um, and we launch our business on Lewis’s podcast, which is very well done. Uh, very high quality, very well produced. And we have an uns stylized landing page that’s white with a picture of me and Rory with an orange button that says, request to call here.
Rory: No
AJ: website. No website, no social podcast, social media, no email list. Barely, uh, barely a business license. And lo and behold, the next miraculous thing happened. A thousand people requested a call from the orange button. I don’t know what possessed those people to click on that button, other than one of the things that we talk about through the book, which is we borrowed the trust of Lewis’s [00:28:00] audience.
And I think trust is the underlying current of so much of what we talk about in the book is trust and reputation.
Mm-hmm.
AJ: And because we had a trusted reputation with Lewis and because he had a trusted reputation with his listeners, our business launched. Our business flourished because there had been VA an exchange of value and trust for years on our behalf of Lewis and on his behalf with his audience.
And I think it’s a really good reminder for all of us listening, it’s we are, we’re living in a world, and this isn’t new, but it’s a good reminder of instant gratification. We want it right now. It doesn’t matter if it’s starting a business, launching your personal brand, writing a book, a podcast, social media, whatever it is you’re trying to achieve, it’s like somehow we forget that that actually takes work and that work is good and good for us.
And it creates, uh, truly, it creates endurance. It creates a competitive spirit. It creates the, the [00:29:00] necessary lessons. To make sure that it lasts and then this in this world where, especially with AI and technology where it can just be done faster and faster and faster, we somehow think that the rest of our lives get to be lived that way too.
And
AJ: that’s just not true. Relationships don’t happen like that, and long-term success doesn’t happen like that. And trust doesn’t happen like that. It doesn’t happen in an instant. It doesn’t happen in a moment. It takes time, it takes work. And that work. Was happening behind the scenes long before that podcast went live, which is why our relationship with Lewis and his relationship with his audience transpired into something that is today brand builders group.
Rory: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I wanna, I want to read another section of acknowledgements, uh, because that all happened and to the point of trust and, and relationships. So one of the things that we talk about in here is. You build relationships before you need them, and that’s one of our BBG [00:30:00] mantras is build relationships before you need them.
Uh, and that takes time. Mm-hmm. One of the other things that is just a true part of the story, so I’ll just read this. First and foremost, we want to express our deepest gratitude to the founding team members of Brand Builders Group. El Petrillo, ILA Lake, Thomas Dotson, Jeremy Weber. Jane Weber, Kristen Hart Nagel, Elizabeth Stevens, Jennifer Kerr, Brittany Parker, Kevin va, and Nicole Gale.
Elise Archer and Kristen Colon. Each of you risked your livelihoods and your financial security to join us on this wild and uncertain adventure. You believed in the vision of what could be before there was any proof that it would work. Your courage, dedication. And unwavering faith in this mission laid the foundation for what Brand Builders Group has become.
We owe you an immeasurable debt of gratitude for taking a leap of faith with us and helping us to turn a dream into reality. And I think that’s the other part of this story that people don’t always know is, um, [00:31:00] after, uh, AJ was fired, uh, and two other senior female executives were fired at the same time, I resigned.
And then it’s like. When the four of us left, there were a lot of people who, who left our former company and some of them came and found us, and Brand Builders Group started because we had a team of people who also believed in this and they had, you know, when you said earlier it was like, it felt like we lost everything, but it was like we had our reputation, we had trust, and um, we had a lot of loyalty.
AJ: We had an amazing team.
Rory: And we’ve had, we have an amazing still do, amazing team still today. Um, they’re paid better today than they were, than they were in those early days, but I think that’s such a good message for everyone and anyone to know is just like, you don’t get rich overnight. You don’t change the world through going viral.
Like you don’t, you don’t [00:32:00] just. Accidentally instantaneously become like this worldwide phenomenon. It’s through years and years of trust and relationships and serving. Um, and we were helping Lewis long before we had anything to gain from him. Um,
AJ: and didn’t do it for gain. And didn’t
Rory: do it for gain. We had no reason to Back then it was, but God was orchestrating this in a way that was super powerful.
Um, I wanna talk about your, another part of your personal story. Um, which is the story before all of this. Mm-hmm. So you mentioned that, um, you know, as we talk about identity, a lot of the work that we do today at Brand Builders Group is, is, uh, we do what Larry Wingett. Says, which is help people find their uniqueness and exploit it in the service of others.
One of the things I’m most proud of with this book is I, I think it gives people a chance to see your uniqueness in a way. Oh
AJ: yes. Tell us what is that, Roy? What is my uniqueness? What’s your head
Rory: in a way that that isn’t often shown in [00:33:00] broadcast? ’cause you don’t care to be on the front of the, you know, the scenes and on the stage and in front of the camera.
Always. Um. But I’m so proud of that. People get a chance to see that. And, uh, there, there’s a section in this book, chapter three, which I have read at least a dozen times, and I cry every single time. And it’s, it’s your story and part of it is ’cause I’m so connected to your story, but it’s, it’s, it’s because of this woman in your life.
And something she said to you that is so important and powerful. Can you just tell us the story of what happened when you were seven years old and then,
AJ: I don’t know, we have enough time in this episode for all of that. This is chapter three in the book. Um, I can give you the truncated high point. The truncated version, the high points, um, but all the, all of the details are, you can listen to it in the audio book or what would be so helpful is you picked up a copy of the book.
So feel free to do that as [00:34:00] well. But, uh, by
Rory: the way, before you jump into the story, so we actually are doing someone with this book that we’ve never done before. We’re giving away the entire audio book for free. If you go to free brand audiobook.com/podcast, that’s free brand audiobook.com. Forward slash podcast, um, for a limited amount of time.
We’re not sure when, but at least until when the book comes out, we’re giving away the audio book for free. Maybe after that, um, you can go check there and you can get the entire audio book for free. Uh, and then we’ll also share with you details about how you can order the actual book. So anyways, that was a good pause for that.
So, seven years old? Yeah. What happened?
AJ: Highlight, this is very short version, but I was in a very terrible car accident along with my entire family when I was seven years old. Uh, we were on a short journey from Dalton, Georgia, my hometown, to Chattanooga, Tennessee, which is just 30 minutes. Away. And I was seven.
I have a younger brother at the point, at that time who was five, an older brother who was 10. And my parents, we were [00:35:00] all in. My dad’s good old, good nineties, early nineties, Cadillac, uh, heading to Chattanooga, and we hit abrupt traffic. And were hit going 70 miles an hour, um, by a tractor trailer. Uh, the driver fell asleep at the wheel and didn’t see that traffic had come to a halt and hit us going 70 miles an hour.
It was the, we were the first car hit in a 13 car pile up and, um, it was a devastating accident and there were people who died that day. Um, luckily no one in my family, uh, died that day, but my younger brother and my older brother were in. Critically, um, severe condition. Um, my dad was injured but conscious.
They were
Rory: actually pronounced dead. Dead at the scene, dead
AJ: at the scene. Um, they were saved by the jaws of life. Um, strangers from vehicles in front of us came and tried to, uh, help get my family out. My dad was conscious they couldn’t get my mom out. They couldn’t get my brothers out, but since my dad was able to escape from the driver’s side window, he was able to [00:36:00] pull me out through a, a broken window, set me on the side of the road, and I watched.
As these strangers risk their lives. Didn’t know if the car gonna explode as, you know, something. Who knew what was gonna happen? It was, it was a devastating, um, accident, um, trying to save my family, but they couldn’t get ’em out. And so then the jaws of life showed up. Um, they were able to get my brothers out, but they both were without a pulse.
Um, con considered dead on the scene. Both were, um. AirVac to the nearest hospital. My mom and dad went in an ambulance. I went later in a police car as they were clearing the scene. And long story short, both of my brothers made miraculous recoveries. Um, neither were supposed to make a recovery. My youngest brother gave, was given a 10% chance of living.
He was in a three month coma. He was not predicted to make it. And if he did not live a normal life, uh, he lives a normal life. He’s married, he has a child, he [00:37:00] has a job. Uh, my older brother made a complete 100%, uh, recovery, unexpected without any medical intervention. It was absolutely miraculous, uh, doctors said.
So, it was just so obvious that this was God’s work, um, to the point where our family was contacted by the Children’s Miracle Network telethon because of the miraculous, unexplained medical miracle that had just occurred. Um, to be a part of their telethon series in 1990. My youngest brother was the poster child of the year that year, and we traveled, um, the country with the Miracle, the Children’s Miracle Network, telethon for the next.
Five years helping raise money for the children’s hospital and doing fundraising events and telephone events. I don’t know if they still do those. Um, but that was a very big part of my childhood from age seven to 12. And here’s how it went. Meet Christopher and meet Jason, the [00:38:00] Miracle kids from this accident.
And that’s what I heard my entire childhood meet my brothers, these miracle children. No one said I wasn’t. But no one said I was. So, I spent the majority and they, and they were
Rory: miracles, they a
AJ: hundred percent. Um, but I very much interpreted that as I wasn’t saved, I wasn’t important. Um, I wasn’t special.
Um, I didn’t get a settlement from the accident since I wasn’t injured, so I wasn’t even considered as a part of the accident. Um, everyone else in my family, um, got fairly large settlements. Um. At, but not me. And so I, I, it felt very overlooked, undervalued, um, unseen. Not intentional, but very real. Um, and so I started believing those things about myself, um, that I had to do something to be seen.
I had [00:39:00] to work. To show my worth, hence the how that carried on into the later years of my adult life. And then fast forward to college, I went to University of Tennessee Vols, very proud. Caught the college pride. Let’s stay on pride, let’s proud. Lots of college pride. Um, but it was, uh, at a sorority dinner, um, during parents’ weekend.
Um, my mom passed away as r he mentioned when I was 15. Um, and my dad. Wasn’t able to make it that weekend. And I was one of the only kids, one of the only girls there who didn’t have a family to sit with. And so my little sister in the sorority said, Hey, sit with my family and I. I didn’t have any options, said I will because I don’t have any parents here.
Um, and Katie was just trying to make a small talk, my little sister in the sorority and said, Hey, tell my mom your story. And I knew what story she meant ’cause she knew my story and her mom was a doctor. I don’t recall a doctor of what, [00:40:00] uh, I just remember had the Dr. Um, doctor something. And so I’m telling her this story and you know.
Fully expecting to hear like, wow, that’s amazing. And at the end of the story, I just remember her grabbing my hand and she goes, aj, my goodness, you are a miracle.
Rory: And and you said to her, tell him what you said to her.
AJ: Sorry. You must have misheard me. No.
Rory: You said my, I’m not the miracle. I
AJ: know y’all, Rory is crying like a bloody mess over here. Um, we’ll have to edit this part out of, uh, the podcast. Don’t
Rory: edit it. Tell the story, babe.
AJ: She said, you are the miracle. And I said, no, you misheard me.
My brothers, they’re, they’re the miracles. [00:41:00] And she said, no, I heard you, you just said. That you survived a 13 car pile up with not a scratch on you, no bruises, no internal injuries, you walked away unscathed. You are a miracle child.
And for the first time in my 21 years, I thought to myself, wait, what?
Did I, did I miss something? Wait, could that be true? And I remember getting in the car to leave the dinner, to go back to the sorority dorm and thinking to myself, wait, was I too a miracle was I, was I saved In that moment from a, from a stranger radically changed my life. And I just so [00:42:00] very firmly believe that the power of the tongue has the ability to build up or destroy, and we use it at will to do either of those things, and you can be a complete stranger.
And a side conversation unknowingly changed the course of someone’s existence on this earth, and that’s what happened.
Rory: That story makes me cry for many reasons. Um, uh, but I think the part that connected for me when we wrote the book was, you know, this book is about identity, and that moment was one of the most redefining moments in your life. That, that literally redefined your identity.
Mm-hmm.
Rory: And now what your [00:43:00] identity is, is helping other people get clear on their identity.
And of course, one
AJ: which is very fitting
Rory: and so fitting. And one of the, one of the, one of the flagship phrases in the book is what we print, we printed right here on the cover. It’s a little Easter egg, so you’ll have to, if you don’t know to look for it, you won’t see it. But if you open it up, it says right on the right on the front cover, you are most powerfully positioned.
To serve the person that you once were. And we discovered that. We discovered that. We didn’t know that when we started Brand Builders group. Mm-hmm. But we, we started to notice that pattern as we had worked with hundreds and now a couple thousand clients that, oh, for all of us, you’re most powerfully positioned to serve the person you once were.
Well, we are a company who helps people get clear on their identity. And that moment, that story in your life and the story of you getting fired are two really defining moments, [00:44:00] redefining moments of your identity, which I look back and I go, God is orchestrating your life from the time you were seven years old to go, I’m gonna build this woman into a woman who helps.
Other people find their identity, that helps other people get clear on their identity that he was making you a woman that would be like Katie’s mom. Um, and I hope Katie’s mom hears this story because the way that she spoke life over you is the way that I pray. That brand builders group and our team and our strategists and our content and curriculum and that this book, I pray that it’s, it brings life to other people that when they’re going through the hard times, when they’re going through the hard parts, it gives them the perspective to go, I know this is hard, but it’s because God is doing something powerful in you.
Mm-hmm. And he’s shaping you and he’s, he’s making your identity.
AJ: Well, I think that. [00:45:00] I think one of the big takeaways of why we included the story into the book, and that’s the first time I’ve ever really publicly shared that story. I didn’t have a purpose or, um, a good point to what is the universal nature of this story and what, what good does it do other people?
And it wasn’t until, uh, writing this book that God just really put outta my heart like, this is the story that people need to hear. Because I think that we all struggle so much with this concept of what’s my purpose? I. What, what am I here for? Am I, am I doing the right thing? Like, does even, does e does anyone even care?
Like, what am I doing? Like, what, what is this about? And, and I think that’s a lot of people, and I think another group of people live in the hardships of their past. They live in the, the trauma and almost can’t see the good. That has come because they’re so focused on the bad. And I only share that ’cause I lived [00:46:00] in that too.
I had a really hard time seeing the gift of my saving of my rescue. ’cause all I could focus on through the lens of comparison is what my brothers were getting, which was attention and gifts and accolades and time. Um, and it was through the lens of comparison that I lost myself. When I was a child.
Mm-hmm.
AJ: And I see a lot of people live that through adulthood. I too have lived that in adulthood. Um, but I think that’s one of the reasons why this book is so important. And, and it’s not just a book about personal branding, it’s a book about finding your God given purpose. Because it’s there. It was crafted before you were created in your mother’s womb.
It’s there today. It’s in the midst of all the hardships and the struggles and the trauma and the valleys. It’s there at the mountaintop moments. It’s it’s there and the victories and the successes, but it’s there in the hard stuff. It’s not mutually exclusive. They’re all [00:47:00] together working for the good of your life and the good that you can do in other people’s lives, and I think that is a huge reason.
Why the story became really important for the book and, uh, the signature story of chapter three is until you realize that you do have purpose, you can’t find it.
Mm,
AJ: you have to believe that you were created to do something, to be something that you just haven’t discovered yet, and you only discover it by serving other people.
Yeah. Like you only do it by going back and helping the person you once were. It’s like you find purpose in that because you’re helping someone else. Um, it’s not gonna be found in money in your banking account. Sorry. Hate to disappoint all of us. Uh, that’s not where it’s found, it’s not found in a bunch of material stuff.
It’s not, we all know way too many people who have all the things who’ve done all the things that are [00:48:00] still searching for purpose and fulfillment. ’cause it’s not where it comes from. It comes from knowing that you’re living into the reason you’re here, that you’re, you’re doing the thing that you were created to do for the person that you can help.
Rory: That’s why we went, by the way, I dunno if you can see this on the video, but there’s a single fingerprint on the cover and, and in the hard cover it’s raised is going, every single person makes a unique mark on the world. It’s, it’s. The difficult things that you’ve been through that are actually what equip you and prepare you, the pain that you’ve gone through, is what prepares you for your purpose.
Because it’s, it’s what has shaped you and molded you into being the only person in the world who can help somebody else, who’s going through exactly what you’re going through, what you’ve been through. Um. And I just, I think that’s so powerful. Again, you, [00:49:00] if you go to free brand audiobook.com/podcast, you can download the audiobook, um, completely for free.
Uh, I. I am so honored to do life with you and to do business with you, and to raise a family with you, uh, to now be a co-author with you. Uh, I’ve always thought, you know, the idea of there’s no such thing as a bestselling author. There’s only such a thing as a bestselling team, and we’ve been a team. From the beginning.
And now we’re officially, you know, a team and, uh, our whole team, brand Builders group and our whole community at Brand Builders Group is a part of this. Uh, whatever this book becomes, it’s gonna be in large part to the fact that our community right now is sharing it and they’re, they’re giving the audio book away for free to their people.
And, um, I think that’s what brand builders has become. And for, for AJ and I, you should know that like brand Builders group was never started to be. A profit [00:50:00] maximization endeavor. Um, we started this to be an impact maximization endeavor. We started this because we felt like God was telling us, help my people be heard and help the people who are mission-driven messengers, the people with great stories to.
Okay, share their stories because their stories matter. And you know what you were, when you were just talking about purpose, I couldn’t help but think about this story. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. When, when Jesus is asked, I don’t know if it’s a Pharisee or someone asked him, he says, you know, there’s 617 laws, I think 617 in the Old Testament.
And he says, which, which is the most important? And Jesus says, you know, love the God. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and strength and mind and soul. And then love your neighbor as yourself to like serve and. Yeah. Even people don’t believe in Jesus. They’re not Christians. I think there’s something inherent about a mission-driven messenger that goes, I want my life to count.
I want my life to have meaning, and it has meaning in service. Mm-hmm. It’s in the con, in the [00:51:00] context. My life, in and of itself sits as this sort of isolated piece that’s disconnected from everything, but the moment I engage with helping somebody else, I have meaning and I have purpose, and it, it never goes away and it’s never insignificant.
It’s. It, it just, it matters. And so that’s what we’re doing at Brand Builders Group. That’s what we’re hoping to do with this book. Um, what is any final thoughts that you would share, uh, as we wrap this up and this journey about the book? Yes.
AJ: I’m gonna flip the switch for a minute and ask you a question about the book.
How about that? Uh, wealthy and well known. Why that title? Oh, because. Uh, I think it can be misleading, but we had very big intentional reasons around these words in this title. So why this title? Rory Vaden?
Rory: Yeah. Well, it’s not accidental. It, uh, it is a bit of a bait and switch. I mean, well, obviously at Brand Builders Group we help people become more well known and we, monetization strategy is something that we do really [00:52:00] well, but it it, the epilogue of the book, you will find that we transparently disclose, um, this not so secret.
Hidden agenda, which is, I used to think, you know, when I grew up I was, I was raised by a single mom. We didn’t have a lot of money. Um, a defining part of my youth was being curious about how do you get money and why do some people have money and, you know, why are there the haves and we seem to be the have-nots and how is that fair?
And, and so I used to think growing up, I used to think that wealth was an abundance of money. And then later as I got older, I used to think, I, I, I evolved, I guess my thinking to think that wealth was an abundance of time and that, oh man, time is the thing. That’s really the precious commodity time is the thing that matters the most.
And today, I, I, I still see a, a big value for money and time both in the world, but I’ve come to believe that [00:53:00] wealth is simply an abundance of peace. And I really believe that peace is the new profit. And we have been a part of, you know, a small part of some of the biggest personal brands in the world. Uh, a big part of some other personal brands.
But we’ve been around a lot of people. Uh, I mean, I think we have seven billionaires that are clients. We have some of the best selling authors of all time. Some of the most famous speakers, some of the highest paid consultants are now clients of ours. And it’s not the money that gives them the peace.
It’s not the fame that gives ’em the peace. Uh, what I’ve come to believe is that the only true sense of peace is God. Um, and it’s no accident that, that Jesus says, you know, my peace be with you, my peace I give you. And that peace is what we’re really after. Mm-hmm. Um, and you can, it’s ironic because you don’t have to become rich or famous to experience peace.
It’s a gift that’s [00:54:00] available. To all of us immediately at any moment through knowing Jesus and God. But, um, you know, again, even if you’re not a Christian or you’re not sure where you stand on the religious thing, there’s peace and service. There’s. You know, I think so many people are struggling because they’re trying to find happiness.
They’re, they’re, they’re, they’re trying to find happiness and they’re so self-focused on my happiness and they’re missing that. Where purpose really comes from is from being service centered on others. And then the other thing about being well known is, you know, you talk about this in, in the, in the book, you’re already well known by your creator.
Um. Why, why don’t you talk, why don’t you talk about that and land the plane on. Uh, so that’s where wealthy comes from. Where does well known come from? Well, I just
AJ: added one quick thing to the, the wealthy part is like really, it’s like peace is the new wealth, um, is what we talk about in the book. And also I think a lot of peace comes from knowing and believing [00:55:00] that there’s purpose in your pain.
I think there’s peace in knowing that you’re not going through this for no reason, right? And that good will come of it and that you will be stronger and that you will. You’ll find purpose in helping others going through the same thing. And I think that’s also finding peace of going, it’s, nothing is lost.
Everything will be used. Um, how doesn’t, we don’t always get to know and decide that, but I think there’s also a lot of peace in that. Um, the well-known piece is, I think so many of us spend so much of our time trying to get validation from external sources. From how many likes we get on social media or content or engagement or downloads or book purchases or what lists we’re on or how much money is in our account, or what bag do we cover, carry or car, do we drive?
We look for so much external validation, um, because that’s where we think we’re seen or known or loved or respected or appreciated or valued. [00:56:00] And we all know, we just talked about it. It’s like that’s not it. Because we can do all those things and still feel really empty, really lonely, uh, really isolated and very confused of like, I thought, I thought this was the thing that was gonna make me feel known, loved, respected, valued, and important.
And it doesn’t happen. It, it doesn’t come. And, um, and I think this whole concept of what does it mean to be well known is just to realize right where you are in this very moment. You are known, fully known, fully loved as you are. In your mess, in the chaos, as unknown as you might be in worldly standards, you are so very well known by your creator, and you are desired, and you are wanted, and that you have purpose and that you are created for a reason, for this very time at this very moment, and for a person.
Right. You were created for a reason and you were created for a [00:57:00] person. And so it, it’s helping us all take a step back from the very, um, influencer world that we live in. There’s no shade, not costing any judgment on the influencer model and helping us all realize that doesn’t mean you’re known, right, and that you are already known as you are right where you are.
Rory: So there you have it, friends. Um. Wealthy and well-known. You can download the audiobook for free one more time. Free brand audiobook.com/podcast. Uh, we’d love it. Also, if you considered ordering a copy or getting send one to a friend, uh, if you’re not able to do that financially, share this episode with them.
Just give, share the episode. Episodes totally free. Um, with someone who needs it. The book is quite tactical also, uh, we, we, uh, I wanted to interview AJ on more of the kind of heart emotional side, so you could get to see that side of her, but, um, it’s, it is quite tactical as well. [00:58:00] And, um, I think I, I speak for AJ when I say, you know, we feel like we’re stewards of this message.
We feel like we’re stewards of brand builders group. This was not our plan. You’ve now heard the story. We didn’t have a brilliant plan. We didn’t have a strategy. It, it all happened to us. Right? And for us, and for us, and more importantly, for you and for others. And the same is true with your life. It’s not, it’s not just happening to you, it’s happening for you.
And more importantly, it’s happening for others. Mm-hmm. Because your pain is preparing you for your purpose. So thanks for letting us be a part of your journey. Uh, hope you’ll support the book, share the episode, the podcast with a friend, and we wish you all the best.