Ep 454: Mindset Shifts that Lead to Massive Success with Erwin McManus
RV (00:02):
Such an honor today to be able to introduce you to someone who I think is one of the most brilliant people on the planet. I think one of the most gifted communicators, one of the most intelligent people at creating distinctions that truly can transform your life and your business. And his name is Erwin McManus. And Erwin is the national bestselling author of this new book the book is called Mindshift. And Erwin has written several books. He sold actually over, well, well over a million copies worldwide. His books have been translated into over a dozen languages. He speaks all over the planet. He has spoken in 70 countries. I know that he speaks sometimes in stadiums, and he works with organizations like the NFL and the Pentagon. And he also has been a private coach to professional athletes, celebrities, world leaders, like billion dollar companies. And he just, I think, has a gift for helping people unlock their personal genius. And it’s been an honor to get to know him and work with him a little bit over the last year or so. And anyways, Erwin, welcome to the show.
EM (01:15):
Hey, thanks for having me, man. I, I, I, I’m impressed by the way you introduced me, but it’s, it’s not, it’s not quite that big, but it’s great.
RV (01:24):
No, I mean, in, in all seriousness, it, one of the things that I love about you, Irwin, is like several of the most influential people that I, that are clients of ours and friends of ours. Mm-Hmm.
EM (02:27):
Yeah. I mean, the premise of the book is written on an empty page with one sentence on it that says, the intention of this book is to destroy internal limitations. And Rory, one of the things that my life journey has helped me see is that no matter where a person is in their life stage, or what arena or domain they work in, they have the same internal struggles. I spent 10 years working with the urban poor, with with drug cartels, with street gangs, with wow people trapped in the world of drugs and prostitution. And I was super idealist, you know, in my twenties. And I thought if I could just remove all the external obstacles that are gonna thrive and break out of poverty and, and the lives are gonna change, and I began to discover to a, a really a, a very painful level that the real limitations for people who are trapped in poverty were the internal narratives, the, the mental structures that, that really ingrained poverty mindsets.
EM (03:28):
And I thought, okay, when I moved to LA start working with artists, creative celebrities, you know, the most talented and attractive people in the world, I’d have to develop new tools, exact same thing, the same internal mental structures, limited them, and really held them back and actually stole from them the joy of their success. And then the last, you know, decade or two, working with people in the hundred, millions, billions, people who have started companies from scratch and, you know, and have had immense success, people, the top of their fields, same exact mental structures. And so one of the things I really quickly began to discover is that you cannot get successful enough to fix your inner world. You actually have to do the work of developing mental structures for success. And one of the things that really highlight in Mindshift is most people try to prepare themselves to bear the weight of failure, but they rarely prepare themselves to bear the weight of success. And that success actually weighs heavier than failure.
RV (04:27):
So I wanted to ask you about that. ’cause You, I, that is one of the things you say directly in the book, you say, success weighs more than failure. It’s one of the questions I had prepared,
EM (05:14):
Yeah. Well just a little added caveat to that is the fear of failure weighs more than failure.
RV (05:22):
Oh, that’s good.
EM (05:24):
And, and so a lot of times what people think they’re being suffocated under as failure, but they’re not. It’s the fear of failure. Failure actually is not nearly as heavy as the fear of failure. When you fail, you realize, oh, I got this
EM (06:17):
You actually move through what I would call a transitional loneliness. When people would ask me, in fact, I got asked this question a few weeks ago. Somebody said, so, is it lonely at the top? Is it true that it’s lonely at the top? And I said, first of all, I take it as a great compliment that you think I’m at the top
EM (07:08):
Because in that transition, you lose the friends you had, but you don’t have the friends yet you’re going to have, and there is a, there’s a, a massive weight of aloneness, which is a part of the weight of success. And then what happens is when you become successful, you, I, I was gonna say people assume, but no, we end up assuming that our success validates all of our internal structures, while we may actually have some incredibly dangerous internal structures for failure, and they become self-destructive. And that’s why you see so many people at the pinnacle, their success crumble, their marriages and their children are AMAs. They’re depressed and even suicidal. And even people with billions end up taking their lives because the weight of success was something they were not prepared for.
RV (07:59):
Yeah. I mean, that, and that blows, that always blows my mind. There’s so, there’s so many implosions that happen in, again, all these different arenas, doesn’t matter of sports, whatever. So what are some of these internal limitations, right? Like, what, what are some of the most common ones? And you know, I very much empathize with what you’re talking about here personally, of going, you know, I was raised by a single mom. My dad left me when I was young, never knew him. And I think a lot of my ambition for most of my life was just trying to prove to myself that I was worthy of not being left. Yeah. And, you know, in some ways I’m very grateful for that. ’cause I think it drove me really hard, which I’m grateful for what it has led to. But I very much empathize with what you’re saying, that no level of success ever actually fills that hole.
EM (08:51):
Yeah, absolutely. Because sometimes we don’t know if we’re running from something or running to something. Mm-Hmm.
EM (09:59):
It’s just that when those are the driving forces of your life, they leave you empty because they never satisfy. And, and someone asks me, what do you do when you’ve lost like your a hundred million dollar company? And, and so how do you regain your purpose? And, and I told him, I said, one, your purpose should have never been in your a hundred billion dollar company. Mm-Hmm. Your purpose should always be focused on who you’re becoming, not what you’re accomplishing. And if your intention is about who you’re becoming as a human being, no one can touch that. And success and failure are irrelevant to your intention. They’re just outcomes.
RV (10:35):
Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I think that, I love that idea that it’s more of, it’s a great, a great outcome, but a terrible intention. And when you, when you think about these shifts, you know? Mm-Hmm.
EM (10:55):
I know. It’s a really hard thing to say that, that I, I shouldn’t have picked that word. I can’t even pronounce
RV (10:59):
It. Hallucinogen. It’s harder to spell than it is to say That’s true. I tried to spell it like 10 times. I was like, preparing, and I’m like, halluc, I, I don’t know. I can’t get it. But,
EM (11:08):
Well, you know, span Spanish is my first language. So hallucinogen is still a hard word.
RV (11:12):
There,
EM (11:26):
Why? So real quick, like, here’s some real quick summaries on my shift. ’cause Really my shift is 13 chapters of Red Bull. You can open up anywhere and you pop it open, you, you, you know, consume it quickly and it’ll explode in your brain. And one of the chapters that maybe the shortest chapter in the book is you are your own ceiling. It may be the shortest chapter, but it might also be the most important chapter. It’s about the mental shift from who is holding you back. And when we think that what’s holding us back is other people, the man, our past trauma, our parents, our, the abandonment we’re feeling you know, whatever it may be. Whenever you externalize blame for where you are in your life, you become powerless to change your life the moment you embrace. I am my own ceiling.
EM (12:13):
You know, I, I may not have wanted these things to happen, but I am powerful enough to respond to them. I’m in charge of my response. I’m in charge of how they shape me, and the person that I create myself to become. And then the moment you embrace that, it shifts everything you can. And you can listen to a person’s language when they’re always blaming someone else. They’re powerless to change their life. When they take responsibility for their life, they now are empowered to change. And then you mentioned the chapter Talent is the hallucinogen. Some people have the curse of talent. I did not have the curse of talent. I was not born with the curse of talent. But I know people who had the curse of talent. And my brother, I think, had the curse of talent in sixth grade. I think he was the fastest kid in the United States.
EM (12:59):
He was a, a superior athlete from day one. He was the high school quarterback, broke every conference record, had a full scholarship to play football. He’s also a brilliant, like a savant. He’s a genius. He and every arena, my brother was just naturally good at everything. So what happens when you have talent is people build external structures so they can actually access that talent. They don’t care about you. They care about the talent that’s inside of you. And so then you think you have the internal structure for success, but you don’t, you have external structures that actually protect that talent. So it can be accessed by those who want it. That’s why pro athletes, five years after they’re finished in the NFL, are divorced, drug addicted dead or bankrupt, because they were the most talented person in their schools from elementary to junior high to high school.
EM (13:55):
No one was as talented as them. So organizations built structures around them, access that talent all the way through college, all the way through the pros, the moment the structures are gone, wow, their lives collapsed. See, when you don’t have the curse of talent, you know, wow, I gotta find a different way to succeed.
EM (14:45):
And what I try to do in Mindshift is help a person realize, look, you may have talent, but talent is like a mirage. It makes you believe you will succeed without hard work. And so then when you fail, you move into a pattern of blaming rather than actually reframing. And when you understand that talent is just a hallucinogen, I’m so glad you have talent. I’m so glad you’re super intelligent, or that you have, you’re, you’re incredibly attractive, whatever it may be. But you need to realize you cannot build a sustainable future on talent. It has to be on the internal disciplines of, of mental structures.
RV (15:23):
Wow. Yeah. That’s powerful. That’s a, that’s a completely different, I mean, it’s a mind shift, a way of, of thinking of, of talent, you know, even as a, as a liability. You know, applying that specifically to the, to the people listening to this show that, you know, a lot of everyone who listens to this show is what we call mission-driven messenger. Right? Like, they have some calling to go, I wanna make the world a better place. And you, you are, you in many ways are, are what we aspire to become. You speak on the biggest stages with the most wealthy people in the audiences, the, you know, like the most in influential people. You mentor these folks. You’ve got books that are selling. What do you think are some of the mindset limitations, either that you’ve had to overcome or that you think other speakers and authors type, you know, coaches, consultants, that they have to overcome on their journey when they’re just starting out and they’re looking at, like, all the people on social media and all the bestselling authors and all the amazing speakers. Mm-Hmm.
EM (16:35):
If you’re early on in the process, the two chapters you need to jump into right away are, you don’t need the applause. And no one knows what they’re doing. Those two chapters, I think are the most important chapters early on. And then I’ll talk about some other ones. But one, you don’t need the applause is really important. ’cause If you’re at the beginning of the journey, you, you need to make sure that your driving force is your own internal sense of accomplishment, rather than playing the game for the audience. Hmm. If you need people to celebrate you, if you need people to affirm you, if you need people to tell you you’re going to be awesome, you’re not going to succeed. And if I can put it in the book writing category, I can always tell when someone’s not gonna finish a book. Really? Yeah. It’s one thing.
RV (17:19):
Tell me
EM (17:21):
They write a page and they share it with everyone.
EM (17:26):
They write a chapter and they share it with everyone. Because you end up having the same endorphins of success when you share one page and people say, oh, I love the page. It was amazing. You such a great writer. Then you do when you finish the whole book, because now you’re living for the applause. You’re living for the affirmation of other people rather than this deep need to get this message out to the world. And so, one of the things I say right away is, do not become the prisoner of praise of applause, celebration. The other chapter, and there’s so much more we could talk about there, but I’m moving fast, is no one knows what they’re doing. You, you ever, ever,
RV (18:05):
Hold on a a second. I just before you, I can’t just let you go to this next one,
EM (18:17):
Oh, do not be the prisoner of praise. Yeah,
RV (18:20):
Man, that’s powerful. Irwin, like, because it’s like, praise is with everyone seeking. We’re seeking the likes, we’re seeking the shares, the comments, how many followers. And it’s like, we’re actually seeking the thing that makes us a prisoner. The, which means we, we perpetually are chasing after putting ourself in like a more strict jail cell, a tighter stronghold on our life that gets worse and worse and worse the more we achieve it. Because it’s like, we just become more and more, it’s like a high you get, you’re just chasing after it more and more and more.
EM (18:54):
By the way, that’s why incredibly famous people are so depressed. Oh. Because now, you know, when you were not famous, you were a prisoner of 10 people’s praise. But now you are famous and you’re the prisoner of millions of people’s praise.
RV (19:11):
Wow. I mean, that’s, that’s just, that’s powerful. I, I don’t, that’s just a, it’s a total mind shift to, to realize that maybe the very thing that you’re chasing could be the thing that you, is gonna make you a prisoner. You know? And for me, you know, I’m a hardcore bible thump of Jesus freak. Right. And so I’m always, I’m always internalizing things going. That could be God protecting you. Like the reason why he’s not giving you the fame is because he’s knowing like he might be protecting my, our hearts to go. You’re not ready to handle that. Like you said, that’s the weight, that’s part of probably the weight of success too. Anyways, so that’s really good. So yeah, the other one I love this is no one knows what they’re doing. And I totally, I’m a hundred with you on this. So like, tell, tell ’em about no one knows what they’re doing.
EM (19:58):
Well, whenever we start something new, we all feel like a fake
RV (21:10):
Oh man.
EM (21:11):
And I, and I, and I go, oh, poor guy. He’s afraid to tell me that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Because as agree. And that’s why a lot of times we steal because we don’t know. We can create. And, and early on we have to go. Of course. I don’t know what I’m doing. You know, I, I’m learning. And when I started working in film, you can you imagine what it was like to be behind a camera as a director, going, I hope these actors don’t look at me
EM (21:57):
There’s so many things that I’ve done in my life that when I started, I felt like a complete fake. I had this massive imposter syndrome until I realized no one knows what they’re doing. And so they do it, and it’s only when they do it. And that’s when I went nuts. Lemme tell you, I, I hired Navy Seals. I filmed under the ocean. I, I rented a helicopter. We took off the, the the door and filmed from the air on a scene. And I would just literally coach myself to do the most difficult things in the world. ’cause I thought the only way I’m gonna learn how to do it is by doing it. And it, it was so exciting to realize early on in my life, the best posture is being an amateur. Hmm.
EM (22:40):
Whenever you’re a novice, you’re just so fresh and it’s all so new, and you’re wide-eyed, and you’re curious and you’re teachable. And here I am now at 65, lemme tell you, I am a beginner. We were even saying that before we started the podcast. See, I, I just tell myself, Hey, you’re starting over again. You’re a beginner. You’re a novice. Start from, from scratch goes. You don’t know what you’re doing, but it’s okay. But no one knows what they’re doing when they start. And you only learn what you’re doing as you do it, as you step into it and as you fail. And that is the greatest freedom in the world when you’re starting. It’s, it’s just wonderful. You don’t know what you’re doing. Own it. It’s gonna be the only time in your life you’re gonna be this free from all the hardship of experience.
RV (23:22):
EM (23:52):
You know, where it’s most clear, Rory and more, most terrifying.
RV (23:56):
Tell me
EM (23:58):
We have one life. We get to live on this planet. Mm-Hmm.
RV (24:51):
Yeah. Yeah. And y’all, this is, this is the handbook for this right. Mind shift. It doesn’t take a genius to think like one is the, is the subtitle. And that’s what I feel like Erwin’s given us this handbook for exactly how to get pa to, how to get past these limiting beliefs, how to defeat them, and how to install as an operating system, like a proper set of, of, of thinking that creates a paradigm that gives you purpose, that gives you clarity, that gives you confidence, that gives you the insight of, of knowing that you’re free to create. You’re free, you’re free to live, you’re free to love, you’re free to do these things. I do have one last question for you, Irwin. Before I give before the last question. Where do you want people to go to hook up, like sync up with you and learn more about what you’re doing?
EM (25:40):
Sure. the easiest place to go is erwin mcmanus.com. And there you can find out about what we do online with the arena, which is our online mastermind and find out about the books and all these other things we offer. Erwin mcmanus.com is the best place.
RV (25:53):
Love it. Okay. So we’ll link up to, we’ll link up to that. Obviously you can buy Mindshift, you know. Mm-Hmm.
EM (26:41):
Yeah. You know, I ironic, Rory, the first book I ever wrote is a book called An Unstoppable Force. I wrote it like 25 years ago. And in that book I argued that humans are intrinsically creative. That every human being is, is an artist, and that every human being has genius within them. So this actually isn’t a new conversation for me. Interesting. This has been my life long conversation. And I, and I fought it. I mean, I got fought really hard even within the, the world of faith. I had people telling me, Irwin, you’re telling everyone that every human being is creative. You’re putting undue pressure on people. I had one theologian telling me people, humans are like worker bees or worker ants, they just need a task and they’ll be happy. Mm-Hmm. You need to stop telling people that they’re creative. I was in New York at an event and I had someone in a Q and A get upset going, you’re trying to create anarchy if everyone believes they’re a creative who’s going to do the work?
EM (27:40):
And and I said, you know what? Ironically, that’s the same mindset that the slave owners had. If you set the slaves free, what’s gonna happen? And, and I said, really, we need to believe first of all, that every human being has intrinsic God-given creativity inside of them. That there is genius inside of every person. In fact, every study in the world lets us know that humans are extraordinarily adaptive at birth. And Rory, you probably don’t think of yourself as a linguistic genius. Like, you know, because I think you probably only speak English. And yet, mostly, mostly,
RV (28:20):
Yep.
EM (28:20):
Mostly. But when you were two, you learned the most complicated language probably in the world because you had to, you didn’t even know English was hard. And if they had moved you to Japan, you would’ve spoken Japanese or to the Philippines. You would’ve spoken tagalo when you were two to five. You were a linguistic savant. You were mentally capable of adapting to any language in the world. And you could have learned multiple languages if they had moved you to multiple environments. But we convinced ourselves that we’re, we’re actually not that, you know, I’m not good at languages. No. You learned all the languages your brain believed you needed. Oh, I’m not good at math. No. You learned all the math your brain believed you needed. And the reality is that when you go, oh, I’m not a genius. Well that’s ’cause you convinced your brain. You didn’t need to be a genius to live the life you’re choosing. And what I’m trying to help people is to reawaken the full capacity within them. And I think that most people live a suboptimal life because they do not believe they have the capacity for more. And I wanna destroy that mental framework and help people see there’s a lot more in them.
RV (29:36):
Yeah. That is it. I mean, they live a suboptimal life because they don’t believe that they, they have the capacity for more. Yeah. So much of that is our internal thinking. So much of that is controllable mind shifts we’re creating. Go get the book, everybody. Irwin, thank you for your wisdom and for your insight and your distinctions. And I think you, you just are such a magnificent source of inspiration and creativity. And I just think profound wisdom and you’re one of my favorite communicators on the planet. And I just, what an honor to have you and to have this conversation, man. We will be cheering for you. Always, always, always. So thanks for being here.
EM (30:19):
Thank you so much. And Rory, thank you so much for believing in my shift for all the work you and your team did for helping us break barriers in in the launch. That wouldn’t have been possible without you. So we’re really grateful for you.
RV (30:31):
It’s our pleasure, man
Ep 427: 3 Ways to Set Yourself Up for a Miracle | Tim Storey Episode Recap
RV (00:03):
Let’s talk about how to have a miracle in your life.
RV (01:06):
And that really got me thinking about how to prepare yourself for a miracle. Like how to set up the stage for a miracle to happen. And, and I don’t mean to suggest that you can just, that you’re in control of miracles in your life. I, I don’t suggest that. Like, I’m not saying that. And I, I think that God can move and can create miracles with or without us, for sure. I’m, I’m a hundred, I mean, I’m a deeply confident of that. But I also do think that there’s evidence, just like evidence in my own life exploration and then in scripture that would say that God is looking for willing participants. You know, there’s this old quote that says, God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. And that he’s looking for someone who is willing to be an active participant in, in his story.
RV (02:05):
And that to me is, is what miracles are all about. So I wanna just share three tips, three ideas, three ways that I think will open you up to maybe be more likely to receive a miracle. I mean, who knows? But if, as I look back on my own life, I’ve had some pretty amazing things happen. I mean, in, in many ways I think of my life as a miracle. Like I think it is, it is a miracle to, to look at where I started my journey and to look at where the Lord and the people around me have led me to now. And I think of that as miraculous. I mean very, very unusual and, and, you know, divinely guided. And so, and, and I’ve had, you know, that’s on the whole, but I think I’ve had, I’ve had different versions of miracles in my own life and, and ones that I’ve seen.
RV (02:58):
So I just wanna share this ’cause I think it’s inspiring. And the first way to set yourself up for a miracle is to ask for a miracle to be willing to ask for a miracle, right? And, and I want to connect this to whether you, whether you believe in the divine or not, right? Let’s say for example, let’s say you don’t believe in the divine or the supernatural, or in God, even to me, absent that consideration, there’s, it’s, it’s pretty hard to ignore the, the, the ubiquitous nature of the power of goals and vision, right? Where people, you know, so many wealthy, successful people, I mean, there’s not a, I don’t think there’s a single ultra wealthy, successful person that I’ve ever met that doesn’t talk about the power and the importance of having a vision and like seeing something in your life, whether it’s the law of attraction or it’s, it’s Brian Tracy, or it’s, you know, pick your, pick your wealthy person.
RV (04:03):
It’s like, this is a common thing that people in a worldly way have in common, is they allow themselves to dream. They allow themselves to dream. And growing up around people who were more, we’ll say, lower middle class, lower class, you know, not maybe prob maybe not quite poverty, but, but close to it. And being around various environments of those types of people. I think I’m, I’m convinced at least in, in my own experience, that a lot of people don’t allow themselves permission to dream. They immediately write it off as impossible. And I know for my own life, the first time I ever said I’m gonna be a black belt, the first time I said that, that that was, IM impossible to me, right? I was, I was seven years old when I first had that thought. And I was like, that felt impossible. And then I remember distinctly the day I said, I wanna be valedictorian.
RV (05:04):
What, how, how, how amazing would it be if I could be valedictorian? I remember dreaming about getting a full ride scholarship. I remember being in elementary school, having this conversation with my mom about getting a full ride scholarship to college. I remember dream dreaming about being a record breaker in the direct sales company that I was involved in. I remember the first time I said, I’m gonna, I’m gonna win the world championship of public speaking. I certainly remember the first time saying, I’m gonna become a New York Times bestselling author. Not just once, but repeatedly, consistently in my life. I have pursued systematically things that have felt impossible. And so I understand why people have a hard time asking for a miracle. It seems impossible. And even out separate the divine for a second and go just in a worldly way, you go that I could never do that. That’s not realistic. That’s so unlikely. And yet, that is first and and foremost, the fundamental difference of the people who do achieve it and those who don’t. Right? I’m one of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes is where Steve Jobs says, your entire life changes the day that you realize that everything in the world around you was created by people who are no smarter than you.
RV (06:24):
I love that quote. I found that to be true in people like Steve Jobs in my own life. And in the people who don’t achieve the things that they want, they don’t ask for a miracle. They don’t allow themselves to dream. And so, in a worldly sense, I would call that goals envision, whether it’s for your relationship and your family or your company or your own physical health or your own finances to, to allow yourself to dream. Most people won’t do that. But here to go, what if you, the next level of that is ask for a miracle. And here’s something that you need to know about miracles. What makes it a miracle is the fact that it, it seems impossible. And that’s the magic of it. I think that’s why God wants to create miracles, is he wants to demonstrate his power. He wants to demonstrate his supreme authority.
RV (07:12):
And yet, in order for a miracle to take place, we have to ask for the impossible. If it wasn’t, if it wasn’t impossible, it wouldn’t be a miracle. If it weren’t unlikely to ask for, it wouldn’t be significant then when it came true. So how can you have a miracle if you don’t ever ask for one? If you don’t ever dream of one, if you don’t ever think about one, you can’t. You won’t. You, you, you’re not allowing yourself. You’re not opening yourself to the possibility of it happening. You are closing yourself off. You’re deciding upfront, you’re reaching a conclusion in advance that it’s not possible. And when you reach that conclusion, you shut the door on possibility, whether you think of it as divine or not. So the first thing to do to open yourself up to a miracle is to be willing to give yourself flexibility, permission, and grace to ask for a miracle.
RV (08:12):
The second way to create a miracle in your life, I think, to open up yourself for a miracle to tip the odds in your favor of achieving a miracle, is to walk towards a miracle, walk towards a miracle. There there is this old phrase that says, as you pray, move your feet. Right? And I love that it’s to go again, separate the divine for a second, and just think about it in a worldly way. You know, this is my, my main critique of the secret, which I, I don’t, I don’t struggle with the, the idea, the power of the secret of you. You know, you, you know, ask, believe, receive you know, I think that’s a really important part. But there’s a, you know, there’s a huge step missing in between there, which is, which is not really true, which is, is ask believe, work your butt off, and then receive, right?
RV (09:07):
That’s the real formula. So there’s all of that is true. It that’s just absent. I think a really critical part. There’s nobody that I know who said, I wanna be a New York Times bestselling author, and they sat in a room and thought that, and it happened, right? That doesn’t happen. There’s no one who has ever won the world championship of public speaking, become a, a, an eight figure entrepreneur, become a millionaire you know, built a great business, built a huge church, started a massive nonprofit, like, you know, become a professional athlete, been an amazing actor, like landed a huge music deal. We, we know people from all these walks of life, and not one of them achieved those things by sitting in a room doing nothing, not one. What they all have in common is they asked for a miracle, right? They, they, they prayed for it.
RV (09:58):
If they, and even, even if they’re not spiritual, right? They visioned it, they gold it, they, they, they thought about it, they dreamed, but then they worked like crazy. They walked towards the miracle. And all of their stories are fraught with rejection and setbacks and failure and feedback and just, you know, losses that shaped them and gave them information. And it shaped their character as a person. And it, and it shaped their, their information, their education as a professional to where they could bring those together and they could become ripe territory For a miracle, you have to walk towards a miracle. You don’t have to you know, Martin Luther King Jr. You don’t have to see up the whole staircase. You just have to take the, the take the first step. Like that is true. And one of the ways that I think about this on a, on a, on a divine level, on a supernatural level, is that I don’t think that God shows us the second step before we take the first step.
RV (11:12):
I don’t think that God shows us the second step before we take the first step. Why? Because I think God is looking for someone to bet, to bet on him. He’s looking for someone to open themselves up to receiving his presence in their life, to allowing his spirit to move in their life. He’s o he’s asking for us to be faithful. He’s asking for us to, to trust him. And how do we demonstrate trust? Do we demonstrate trust by saying, I trust you, or do we demonstrate trust through the action of actually doing something? It is, to me, it’s the latter. You demonstrate faith by actually moving towards the thing, not by sitting in a room and going, I hope this happens, but to say, to first ask for a miracle, to pray for it, or to vision it and plan it. If, if you’re in the worldly sense and not the divine sense, but then to move towards it, right?
RV (12:04):
You have to take that action. And I think of Noah building the ark. Like, you know, he, he, he’s there, there, God is blessing him because he’s looking for someone who’s willing to take action. Someone who’s willing to build an arc before there’s a raindrop, right? Someone who’s willing to gather these animals before there’s a raindrop. You have to be willing to take the first step before God will show you the second step. That’s, that’s just what I think, right? That’s just an observation. I don’t know that there’s necessarily scriptural support for that, but, but I think that there probably is. And, and, and you know, my life verses Hebrews 1211, no discipline seems pleasant at the time, rather painful, yet it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
RV (12:53):
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, rather painful. That’s the first step. That’s the action that’s walking towards a miracle. That’s saying, I wanna be a New York Times bestselling author. I’m terrified. I have no idea how to take that step. I wanna become a Hall of Fame speaker. I’m terrified. I have no idea how to get on those stages. I wanna launch a course. I wanna start a business. I wanna find yeah, I wanna build a family. I wanna start a nonprofit. I wanna solve this problem in the world. They, they’re all terrifying. They’re so huge and enormous the first time we have them. But you, you have to step towards them. And at first, you don’t know what to do and where to go, because it’s, it’s painful. You’re learning. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, yet later on, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who’ve been trained by it.
RV (13:38):
What have you been trained by? You’ve been trained by discipline. You’ve been trained by action. You’ve been trained by taking the step, getting the feedback, adapting, adjusting, and your faith is demonstrated in the fact that you continue walking without knowing exactly how you’re going to get to the destination. And in my mind, it’s a little bit like, it’s a little bit like saying, I see the destination, but I’m not clear on the path, but I’m willing to take the first step towards the destination without, without knowing where the whole path goes. That’s a demonstration of faith, that’s walking towards a miracle is to say, I don’t know how God’s gonna pull this off. I don’t know how I’m gonna pull this off. I don’t know how we’re gonna pull this off. I don’t know how you’re gonna pull this off, but I’m, we’re gonna try, we’re gonna move towards it.
RV (14:29):
We’re going to do what we can. We’re going to do every single thing in our power to try to make this happen. And most people aren’t willing to do that. And there’s this extraordinary payoff that you get when you take action. The extraordinary payoff that you get is that if that dream doesn’t come true, if that miracle doesn’t come true, then you know, it must, because be because God had some greater plan, some reason why it didn’t, which means it’s part of a, a better plan. But if you have a goal, if you have a dream, if you ask for a miracle and you don’t take the steps in your control, you don’t do the things that you can do, then you don’t know if the reason it didn’t come true is because God didn’t give it to you, or the miracle didn’t happen, or it wasn’t in your destiny, or because the more likely truth, which is that you didn’t show up and do your part.
RV (15:23):
You didn’t do the work. You didn’t make the work. You, you didn’t make the call, you didn’t make the ask, you didn’t show up, you didn’t practice, you didn’t train, you didn’t learn. You didn’t do the things that you know how to do. That’s on you, that’s on you, and that’s on me. So if we don’t get miracles, that we can’t be mad about miracles that we ne we don’t get, that we never asked for, and we can’t be mad about miracles that we don’t get, that we never worked for. Right now, a miracle inherently is God covering the gap, God covering the distance. But I don’t think it’s just God doing the whole thing. Certainly he can, he’s, he is able to do that. But there is evidence all throughout scripture that God is looking for a willing participant, someone to step towards him. That is the sign of faith. Not to just say, I believe you, but to say, I believe you and I act in alignment with that belief. And even if you don’t believe in the divine or supernatural, to me, that’s a miracle in and of itself. It’s a miracle in and of itself that somehow, some way all of us know what the next step is in almost any dream, any goal, any miracle. Somehow all of us know what a first step could be. But God doesn’t
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Show us the second step
RV (16:52):
Until we take the first step often. So you gotta ask for a miracle, step one, step two, you gotta walk towards a miracle. Step three, you need to read about miracles. You need to read about miracles. You need to, I think you need to be become educated on miracles. And to me, there is power in reading the Bible. There is power in reading the word of God, even if you don’t understand it. Even if you don’t believe it, right? Like and, and now, now I would tell you, if you’re gonna read the Bible, I would not start at the front of the book, which is the Old Testament. And in Genesis, I would go skip to the New Testament and start there and start reading about Jesus who was a human figure, a real person. There is so much documented evidence that Jesus was, was a real person.
RV (17:50):
And by the way, I am launching a whole dedicated podcast series on this called Eternal Life. Seven Questions That Every Intelligent Skeptic Should Ask About Jesus of Nazareth. And if you go to confident eternal life.com, confident eternal life.com, you can, that’ll take you to this special new podcast series that we have created, that I’ve created, that our team is launching. That is 15 episodes dedicated to my personal life’s journey. My, this would be my personal life’s work, not my life’s work from a career standpoint. ’cause It is totally not a moneymaking endeavor at all. But my personal life’s work studying the evidence, what evidence is there of Jesus and miracles? And it’s seven questions that every intelligence skeptic should ask about Jesus of Nazareth. And we look at the historical, the archeological, we look at the, the corroborating evidence, the documents that support, and we ask the questions like, how do we know Jesus was a real person?
RV (18:58):
How do we know he wasn’t just a good teacher in something more? What evidence is there that he was a deity of some type? What evidence is there that he ever resurrected from the dead? Right? We, we tackle these challenging questions about Jesus, who was someone who boldly made claims about being a deity. So that’s rare in and of itself right now, he’s not the only person to do that. Lots of people have David Koresh and lots of crazy people we talk about. We talk about that in. But the difference is he followed through on them. The difference is the things that he said would come true came true. The difference was many people who were not believers still witnessed unexplainable things happening. And even if they didn’t believe, they were not able to explain the things that happened and that were documented. So anyways, go to confident eternal life.com and check out, that’s a whole separate podcast series.
RV (19:49):
‘Cause It’s 15 episodes just related to the history and the, the academic logical scrutiny of the story of Jesus. But I’m telling you, if you read it and you dive into it, I mean, and you, and go listen to it, I mean, that’s me. That’s me taking basically 20 years of my personal life and consolidating it down into 15 short podcast episodes to share the best of the best of like what I found of the evidence. How could a rational, logical person believe in miracles and a savior and a messiah in heaven? How, how, how, how have I come to believe that? And that’s what we’ve taken the time to do with that special podcast episode. But I’m telling you, when you read it, you will learn about it. There is evidence, not just a little bit, an overwhelming preponderance of evidence, a, a gigantic mountain to where at the end of, at the end of my personal journey, at least for me, I started to realize it takes way more faith to not believe this stuff happened, happened than to believe that it did.
RV (20:48):
When you studied the evidence, the, the, the, the, the, the trail of provable and fa facts that we have a chance to corroborate, be given where we’re at in the timeline of human history and the tools that are available to us today. So anyways, you can check that out. But I think you should read about miracles. You know, and if you’re not comfortable reading a Bible or whatever you, you know, if you, again, if you’re new to it, I would say read the New Testament. Read about Jesus, right?
RV (21:36):
And what those people wrote and said about what happened. But if you can’t, you know, if, if you’re not into the Bible or Christianity, I would say you still read about miracles because it helped read about read. And, and, and if it’s, and maybe it’s not even the supernatural, right? You go, well, I have some other faith or whatever. Okay, fine. Still though, read about miracles, read about worldly things that came true, read about other people who accomplished the impossible. Read, read Louis Zpr, Reini, I think Zini is the, the unbroken story. I forget how to say his last name, but incredible, right? Like, read that story unbroken, like read that book, read the books of and, and watch the movies of people doing impossible things. Why? Because when you learn about other people who have accomplished the impossible, it helps you realize that you could do it too.
RV (22:28):
That’s part of the power is when you go, it feels impossible to me. But wait a minute, that person did it and that person did it, and that person did it, and that person did it, and that person did it. And that’s just in a worldly way. I’m not even talking about the divine supernatural stuff. I’m talking about the stories of survival or overcoming the odds or even even sports stories or people overcoming physical disabilities you know, read about the Underground Railroad. Like these impossible things that humans have pulled off, right? Launching spaceships to the moon. I mean, there’s so many different examples of people achieving the impossible. The only way that you could sit around and say it’s not possible is, is because you’re oblivious and you’re ignorant to the fact that impossible things happen all the time. Not just supernatural ones, but worldly ones.
RV (23:22):
You just haven’t been exposed. It’s not that it’s impossible, it’s that it’s unfamiliar. It’s not that it’s impossible, it’s unfamiliar to you. It’s unfamiliar ’cause it’s never happened to you, it’s never happened to your family, it’s never happened to your homies that you hang out with. But it doesn’t mean that people aren’t doing impossible things all the time. Be around people who are doing impossible things. And you too will see that the impossible, quite literally is very possible for them. And once you see it happen to enough of the people around you, you believe it for you. Right? This last week we just had our 21 Brand Builders Group client become a New York Times Wall Street Journal, or u Ss a today bestselling author 21 times. And they’re not game the list, they’re not cheating stuff, they’re not buying their own books. They’re doing the hard ethical work of selling books and building an audience and serving people, right?
RV (24:11):
And they’re using every mechanism that we have available to show them how to get their message out to the world. It’s not fake bots and fake people buying books and some of those things. It’s legitimate. It’s doing the work, but they’re achieving the impossible things that they never thought possible. If you hang around brand builders group long enough and you go, you see the stories of 21 other people who’ve done it, you start to realize, Hey, maybe that could be possible. Maybe there is a system here, like maybe there, maybe there is a way that this comes true. And, and you may not care to become a bestselling author, but I’m saying hang around the people who are achieving the impossible. And if you can’t hang around the people who are doing the impossible, read about miracles, read about ’em, the more you’re exposed to ’em, the more you will realize. It happens all the time.
RV (25:02):
You are a miracle. Your life is a miracle. The fact that we exist on this planet, in this solar system, in this extremely delicate scientific balance that I is, is the, the odds defy all logic and rational thinking that we would have life on this earth and that we would exist, and that we of, you know, all the sperm that came out like in the world like that, that, that, that we were the people, we are the people who are here now living in this place, in this world. I mean, the miracle of birth, the miracle of nature, the miracle of the solar system like you are a miracle. We are living in a world of miracles. There, there are, there are things that are happening all around us. And even if you don’t believe in the supernatural, I mean, there is all sorts of miracles that happen on a daily basis. So you, you can be a miracle. You can set yourself up, you can open your life up to the possibility of receiving a miracle and being one of these people. But you have to be willing to ask for a miracle. You have to be willing to walk towards a miracle, and you have to read about or surround yourself with people who are achieving and benefiting from miracles. I hope we get to continue to be a place of inspiration for you in that keep coming back. We’ll catch you next time on the Influential Personal Brand podcast.
Ep 426: Having a Miracle Mentality with Tim Storey
RV (00:02):
Well, you’re about to meet someone that I truly admire. His name is Tim Story. I admire him for several reasons. Uh, first of all, he’s the bestselling author of several books, most recently, the Miracle Mentality that was published by Harper Collins. Um, but Tim is super influential behind the scenes with lots of the world’s, uh, famous people, high profile people. Um, now he’s been featured as a public guest on shows, you know, like Oprah Winfrey and interviewed by Steve Harvey in the Today Show in Good Morning America. He’s been featured in People Magazine. He’s also worked behind the scenes with people in their private lives. This is people like Charlie Sheen and Kanye West, and, uh, Charlton Hesston and Robert Downey, Jr. Jr. Like, um, this man is known for his heart and for his love and for his passion and his message. Um, and he also has become one of the biggest personal brands in the world.
RV (00:58):
He’s got millions of followers online. Uh, he speaks at several of the biggest events. He works with lots of the biggest companies in the world, and he’s an amazing humanitarian. He does all this humanitarian work, donates his books to refugees, um, and is just a really wonderful guy. And we’re actually just meeting for the first time. But he also is very, uh, you know, like me, he takes his faith as a very serious part of his life, uh, as a believer in God, thus the miracle mentality, which is why we had to have him here today. Tim story, welcome to the Influential Personal Brand podcast.
TS (01:35):
What a privilege, and thank you for that nice introduction,
RV (01:39):
TS (02:10):
As you know, a miracle is something extraordinary uncommon, not normal and not natural. And then the mentality, as you know, as well, is a state of mind. It’s a perspective, and it’s been set for probably a hundred years that your mindset is yours to set your mindset’s, yours to set. So growing up in Compton, California, we had seven people in a two bedroom apartment. Cramped. Crowded, okay. But one of the things that my mother had was a miracle mentality. Hmm. She always used to tell us things like this, like, we may be lower income, but we’re not lower class.
RV (02:51):
Amen. And
TS (02:52):
This is only temporary and we’re on our way somewhere. So she really created hope and expectation, even though we were in a cramped and crowded environment. So, as I got older and I got into church, into faith, I started hearing all these great stories about David and Goliath and Abraham having a, a baby with his wife, Sarah. And they were both very, very old. And it just began to build my faith and build my mentality into this miracle mentality. And I took it into deep, deep research and decided to write a book about it, and it’s working.
RV (03:31):
Mm-hmm.
TS (04:13):
Okay. So I think it’s, I think it’s two things, is that I believe that number one, the miracle mentality is innate. I believe that we’re we’re made in the image and likeness of God. And so inside of us, we believe in the miracle mentality. And I, and I know this for a fact ’cause I’ve been to 78 countries of the world.
RV (04:34):
Wow.
TS (04:35):
When I go to third world countries and I talk to little kids in Soweto, South Africa, and I say, what do you wanna be when you get older? And they’re five or six, they’ll say things like LeBron James or a little girl will say Beyonce. Mm-hmm. They never talk about they want to be something that’s less. They talk about miracle mentality, little girls. They may wanna have a party that includes unicorns, little boys. They wanna play with Superman, spider-Man, Ironman. They never wanna play with something ordinary. So I think number one, it’s innate. Secondly, it’s learned. I think the main reason that people lose the miracle mentality, Rory, is because of disappointment. Mm-hmm. They got disappointed. So they believed for something, they expected something, and it did not happen the way they thought it would. And the disappointment started to break down the miracle mentality.
RV (05:34):
So that’s a good question. Right. So how do you handle that? Right? I mean, I think that’s what, I think that’s what, when people hear about prayer, you know, they struggle with it. And, and you know, of course, like scripture and ancient scripture says like, you know, if you, you believe in me, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. But then you pray for, you know, like I think of my wife aj. So my wife, who’s also my business partner, and she’s the c e o of brand builders group. You know, her mom got cancer when she was 15, and her mom prayed fervently, fervently for healing, had prayer chains, and yet her mom died. Right. Um, she, she lived longer than they expected, quite a lot longer, uh, like a year longer. Um, but it was, you know, that’s, that can be devastating to people’s faith. So how do you reconcile that? Right? How do you reconcile believing for the miracle, having the miracle mentality, but when the miracle doesn’t show up, this gap between those is disappointment.
TS (06:39):
Yes.
RV (06:40):
What’s the response there?
TS (06:41):
That’s a great question and something that a lot of people are that are watching right now, you feel, ’cause we’ve all been through different disappointments with belief, and then it didn’t happen. So I think that life is not black and white, that it’s most times gray. It’s like in the middle, like, why do bad things happen to good people? Or why do some people say they got healed to cancer and then someone else did not? So it’s, it, it’s not, it’s not black, it’s not white. It’s many times gray. But here’s what I believe. I think that even though the miracle did not happen the way we wanted it to, I think in the, in the form of healing, healing is a process. Some people are healed instantly, some are healed gradually. And in the Christian faith, we believe some people don’t get healed till they go to heaven, where there’s no more sickness, more tears, no more sorrow.
TS (07:42):
So, you know, we want the miracle on earth, but the, the miracle of everlasting life is still a miracle. But I, believe me, I want the miracle on earth. Hmm. So I would say to somebody as a spiritual leader and advisor, that that is frustrating, that is disappointing. But we still have to believe in miracles and believe that God is still able. And in the cases where it does not happen the way we want it to, we kind of just put that in a file that we say, at this point in my life, I don’t understand, but I still believe it’s almost like following your parents. There’s times that they gave you, um, guidelines or guidance or direction, and you didn’t understand it, but maybe at times you still followed, even though you didn’t completely understand. But I, I go through this thing where I say, you have to learn to believe in miracles and expect miracles and expectation is a very difficult thing for people. Again, because of the disappointment.
RV (08:59):
Yeah. So when you, when you say expectation Yes. What, what, what do you mean by that? And, and I do think the parallel, I, it helps me a lot. I, I feel like I’ve learned more about my faith walk than ever before by having children, because I understand like, sometimes they, they ask me for candy, sometimes I give it to ’em, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it’s the right thing, and sometimes it would be damaging to them even though they don’t realize it. Right. Sometimes they want to tip back in their chair and they think that’s fun. But I I, I say, Hey, no, we’re not gonna do that because I’ve got, I’ve got a perspective that they don’t have. I’ve got a foresight that, that they don’t have. Yeah. And, and then, but then, you know, how do you continue to have that expectation where you ask, and maybe you’re let down and maybe that happens again and again. Or like you pursue your whole life pursuing a dream, and then you don’t get it. Right. You don’t get to the, you don’t get drafted in the M B A, you don’t get the call from the record label. How do we keep expecting then?
TS (09:59):
So I think the expectation has to be based on something. Okay. Okay. And so, like for instance, I was at a friend’s house and, um, I had forgotten something and he said, let’s just order it on Amazon Prime, then it will come the next day,
TS (11:11):
And so, uh, a fantasy is something that does not have substance to it. And so sometimes people are chasing fantasies and they think that’s faith. But I think that it has to be based on something, whether it’s a promise that God gave you or a scripture that God gave you, or a knowing as, or as o Oprah Winfrey says, uh, aha moment where you have a download. And I think you’ve had that in your life where sometimes all you had was like a word from God, and you moved on that word from God and it worked. And so you, you based it on something you felt like you heard from God and you stepped out in faith.
RV (11:59):
How do you know, how do you hear the difference between God’s prompting Christ, what Christians would call probably the whole, the Holy Spirit? How do you know the difference between that and like a crazy idea or a fantasy or just you, you know, like how do you discern, which it’s like the voices inside my head, right? How do I discern which voice is the voice I should be listening to? Which voice is which voice is the one that guides me towards the miracle?
TS (12:33):
Yeah. Phenomenal question. So in the eighties, I wrote a book called Good Idea versus the God idea. Hmm. Good. Or is it God
RV (12:46):
Yeah.
TS (12:47):
And Good can be good, but God could be better. So there’s a scripture that says, trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. Okay, how so? I teach a very simple thing. We need to stop, we need to look and we need to listen. And then the Bible says, my sheep, they know my voice. Hmm. Now, when your wife calls you, even if she had a cold, you could recognize her voice. Is that correct?
RV (13:26):
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
TS (13:27):
If she coughed in the middle of the sentence, you’d go, that’s her
RV (13:32):
Yeah. Uhhuh
TS (13:33):
So the more you have a connection with somebody you can understand and know their voice with more clarity. Hmm. And the way I teach people is we have to stop, meaning we become human doings rather than human beings. We need to look to God and have a lion alignment with him. And then we need to listen. And that listen is that quiet, whether it’s meditation, whether it’s prayer, driving in your car, in the shower, in the ice bucket, uh, in the mornings, however you do things. But really that quiet time. Think about this in your own personal life. I bet there’s some times where you’ve got some really cool downloads by just stopping looking and then listening. Mm-hmm.
RV (14:26):
TS (15:08):
Add, I like to add something to that because I think that one thing I think that you’ll enjoy about my type of teaching is that, uh, I don’t think everything is like, just an absolute. And I feel that stop, look and listen, that’s part of it. But also in the Bible it says there’s wisdom in the multitude of counselors. Mm-hmm.
RV (16:02):
TS (16:09):
I think that, uh, Oprah Winfrey, who’s become a phenomenal friend, like we’re real friends, we were sitting in her backyard one time and she said, at what point did you know you were Tim Story? And I said, at 10. And she got very emotional. She said, about the same age for me. And she said, what did that look like? Because you have to understand, we were lower income. My mother worked at Windshield’s Donut Shop, my father died when I was 10, but he was just a guy who went to 10th grade and worked at Bethlehem Steel. And someday I would go to 70 countries, speak to 85,000 people by the time I was 28 and get a doctorate in World Religion, a master’s in therapy. I mean, who would’ve thought that when I was this lower income kid at 10? But man, I just knew, I knew that. I knew that I knew. And I think that most of you guys that are watching right now, if we asked you at what age did you know you were supposed to do something fantastic or that was supernatural, it was supposed to happen, you could probably give me an age. So at 10 years of age, there was a knowing I didn’t know how I was gonna get there, and I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I knew I was gonna have big impact. I really did.
RV (17:36):
Mm-hmm.
TS (18:28):
Yes. So I think Dennis Waitley said it close to the way I say it in the eighties. So I always like to cite people, but I talk about how we learn through education, conversation, and observation. Hmm. And one of the things I do with inner city kids is I take ’em to places that they’ve never been before. So if they live, like in a inner city in la, I might drive them to Beverly Hills and let them see Rodeo Drive, because that’s an observation of something bigger than themselves. Hmm. Or will take groups of kids to Disneyland because they’ve never seen Tomorrow land, frontier land. They’ve never seen anything like this. Right. And so I think that if you don’t know what you’re supposed to do through education of even watching documentaries through conversations like the one we’re having right now together, and through observation, it will stir up that thing that’s already been there. ’cause I believe it’s already doggone inside you. Mm-hmm.
RV (19:57):
Mm-hmm.
RV (20:42):
And then when we sold our company in 2018, we moved to that exact area. And it’s like, the awareness of it is a lot. And it’s, it’s, it’s almost like seeing it, you know, seeing somebody else do it, it makes it so much more real, so much more possible. Like the, the belief barriers that we set in our own minds, the, the limits that we set are exploded by by things you can go witness. I mean, I’ve never really thought about the power of just go and be in the environment, but like, I have that a lot nowadays. Like, you know, like Ed Millet, we were talking about him before seeing the response that his audience had during his book launch. Like blew my mind. Right. I had just never seen anything. And to be on the inside of like, what that looked like, it just raised my belief level by simply being an observer and just being around what was going on.
TS (21:34):
100%. And, um, there’s so much power in the site and as you know, biblically it says seeing those things that are not yet as though they are already. And so when you begin to project and you begin to see by faith, uh, but again, I think you saw your life before it started to manifest and, um, that we get these glimpses of, of what we should be doing. And part of it, yours was seeing a speaker, but then other things, seeing a house, seeing a neighborhood. And, uh, I’ve been fortunate enough to be, uh, mentored by a man named Quincy Jones for the last 36 years. And to be around Quincy Jones is pretty cool because he worked with anywhere from Frank Sinatra to Michael Jackson. And, uh, they just celebrated his 90th birthday the other day, the Hollywood Bowl. But, you know, in seeing what this man has done from coming from where he came from, has helped me to see that if he could do it, I could do it. If he could do it, I could do it. If he could do it, I could do it. So that’s very, very helpful.
RV (22:54):
Mm-hmm.
TS (23:34):
I think, I think I wanna say that, um, if someone does not have a faith background, I could see your point. ’cause I think that a lot of the representatives, um, of faith have not always brought like, clear messages by who they are, how they talk, how they do business. So I don’t blame anybody, but I would say again, that the miracle mentality is innate. ’cause even if you don’t have faith, I still believe you’re made in the image of God. And there’s something inside you that says different, better, more magical. And that’s my, my famous story about Walt Disney. He walks into an amusement park in the 1930s and he said, someday I’m gonna build my own amusement park, but mine’s gonna be different, better, and more magical. I’m trying to tell you, every one of you that are watching right now, at one point in your life, you thought different, better, and more magical. Hmm. Whether that’s because of faith, religion, or just what’s in you innately. But I would, I would say to you, step out in who you’re supposed to be different, better, and more magical. And then if possible, open yourself up to the supernatural realm because it’s pretty powerful.
RV (24:52):
Yeah. I think that’s, I think that’s really, really beautiful. And it, when you, when you, if you grasp hold and you do kind of take ancient scripture that says that you’re created in God’s image, it certainly is a lot of, there’s a lot of power there. Uh, you know, at your access. You know, if, if there’s,
TS (25:09):
There’s no doubt about it. And the more, the more I like to study, like, um, all these documentaries, like I was watching one on David Bowie. I mean, I, I watched ones that my inner city friends were like, would be like, why did you watch that one
RV (25:22):
TS (25:23):
Interested in human beings? And this dude had like a miracle mentality and he wasn’t into like religion or like Jesus Christ, but he just knew he was David Bowie. But I, I personally believe, again, ’cause he is made in the image of God and that side of him was thinking different, better, more magical. I mean, little kids, man, they just, they wanna rise.
RV (25:53):
So another another thing that I think is pretty amazing about you. There’s, there’s so, so much in, in your, your life story, but, uh, you’ve done stuff with the Dalai Lama and you, you get into a lot of conversations and a lot of circles where it’s like normally you wouldn’t like maybe have a pastor there having that conversation. Um, how have you balanced, you know, like when it comes to like building your personal brand and your public profile and making money from speaking and writing books and those things, how do you balance this strong conviction of your, your strong personal conviction of faith and a source of truth with a respect of other people who maybe don’t believe what you believe and how are you bold, but you know, kind of compassionate and like, you know, not hiding or, you know, not apologizing for what you believe, but you, you know, like, talk to me about that balance.
TS (26:56):
Yeah, I think that in the Bible that says that you are like an epistle read by men. Like, so if you’re walking around and you’re a Christian, that where you go, it’s like people are reading you. Another way of saying it is that you can walk around like a billboard. So a lot of my strength is not in what I say, but the spirit in which I walk in. So your buddy, my buddy Lewis house. Yeah.
RV (27:30):
Uh,
TS (27:30):
He did a documentary and Thank you Lewis for putting me in that documentary so much. And Jay Shetty was there and some other people, and one of the big influencers was there. And he shook my hand and we know each other. And he, he told his friend, he goes, every time I get around Tim’s story, I feel like this weird supernatural piece come on me.
RV (28:24):
TS (28:27):
But I really believe that, number one, I’m a chill dude anyway, but he will keep you in perfect peace of your mind is state on him, meaning God. And so my strength, whether I’m around the Dalai Lama or P Diddy or Jay-Z or whoever is, I’m not always talking Bible stuff. I’m just owning the gift and the life that God gave me. Hmm. And I’ll tell you man, I work with as you know, so many celebrities that are so far from the things of God and then get so close to the things of God just by somebody breaking it down and making it realistic. Mm-hmm.
RV (29:11):
TS (29:28):
And thanks, I think old school, go to tim story.com. I like what my boy Derek did on our website, so tim story.com and then on Instagram. I’m Tim, story official.
RV (29:41):
Thank you. Yeah. That’s so great. Well, um, and then if somebody is listening right now Yeah. Who is struggling with an addiction mm-hmm.
TS (29:56):
RV (29:57):
Or is in that dark place going, going, struggling with, you know, a marital affair got laid off from their job. You know, if, if they’re not anywhere near this space and this supernatural peace that you’re talking about, but they’re instead overwhelmed with anxiety and depression and fear and worry, um, what, what would you, what would you leave that person with?
TS (30:27):
Yeah, I, I would say number one, don’t put yourself down. So, um, a lot of clients I work with are famously on T M Z and people will say, man, you, I know you work with that guy or that lady, she’s still not fixed. Uh, I don’t think we ever all get cheered. I think we get better. So don’t put yourself down to for where you’re at, but what needs to happen is somehow you need to become awake. These are the steps of a comeback. You have to become awake somehow. The second thing you have to take inventory, like, where is my life really? Like what is this addiction doing? Or what is this affair doing in my life? Or getting caught in the fair or not getting caught? Uh, so you have to become awake, you have to take inventory number three, you have to partner with the right people. Hmm. So that’s what you’re doing today on this podcast. You’re partnering with people who actually care and we’re giving some clear answers. So you partner with the right people, but then you need the right principles in your life. And so we’re talking a lot about principles and so become awake, take inventory, partner with Right people, get the right principles and it’ll get you right back on the right path.
RV (31:41):
Yeah, man, I love it. Well, thanks for the inspiration and the reminder of the supernatural and the divine that lives in all of us. And, um, just the confidence that the miracle mentality is something that is available to all of us at any moment and that that can be something that transforms our life. So we’ll be praying for you, my friend, and cheering you on, and, uh, we wish you the best.
TS (32:05):
What a privilege. Thank you.
Ep 417: 3 Tips To Help You Uplevel your Instagram Game | Chelsea Peitz Episode Recap
AJV (00:02):
Do you want to know how to be better on Instagram? Well, I’ve got three things that are gonna help you do just that, and I’m gonna make this as short and sweet as humanly possible. But I just wrapped up an amazing conversation with a newer friend of mine at Chelsea Peitz, and I had Chelsea on the podcast, the Influential Personal Brand podcast, and we were having this conversation about how many people are like, how to just, whatever I do, it doesn’t seem to be working and Instagram’s not for me, and I keep trying this video content, but it’s, you know, no one is liking it, it’s not getting an engagement. So how do I be better at Instagram? Like, how do I be better on this platform? So here are the three takeaways that I think are really helpful and tactical that will allow you to actually take some movement immediately into actually being better on the platform.
AJV (00:55):
Number one is you have to know how the algorithm works. And it’s very simple. The algorithm rewards you when you spend more time on the platform. Surprise, right? It’s not a secret, but we, we think it’s this mysterious thing that we can’t figure out. And the truth is, now it’s quite simple. They reward you when you spend more time there. And the most time that you can spend there is an engagement, right? So it’s responding to comments, it’s communicating and engaging in the dms that matters. It’s not just the content you post and how many people see it, but it’s how much time are you spending on the platform and how much time are you engaging others on the platform? Because if you’re engaging with others on the platform, then you’re both spending time here. So if you’re doing that with lots and lots and lots of people, then you’re bringing more and more people back to the platform, and it’s gonna reward you for that then, because it knows that you’re spending time there and you’re bringing other people there.
AJV (01:56):
So it’s not just about posting content, it’s not just about great content. Those are prerequisites. It’s not just about consistency. Those are expectations. Now, now it’s rewarding. It’s like, well, how much time are you spending? Right? This, these are businesses, you know, like Meta is a business, a very successful high revenue business. So they’re in the business of making money. And when you spend time on there, ad revenues go up and more money comes in. So that is it, it’s simple. That doesn’t mean we have to like it, but it’s more time on the platform is how the algorithm works. So spend more time in engagement and comments and dms. And the other parts are prerequisites. You have to be posting consistently. It has to be good content, it has to be searchable and findable. Those are prerequisites. Now it’s how do we go from here?
AJV (02:47):
And it’s more time on the platform. And what I love what Chelsea said, she said, the most important conversation is the communication that you’re having on the platform. So that’s the first thing. Second thing is don’t forget that there are some things, tactical things that you can do to become more findable and more searchable. So don’t forget that Instagram, like all other social media platforms, is a search engine just like Google, just like YouTube it’s a search engine. People are going there, searching for things, entertainment, education relationships, engagement, whatever. But there, it’s a search engine. So you have to be findable, you have to be searchable. And there are two searchable fields on your profile that allow you to be more findable. One is your handle, right? So it can’t be, you know, jogger 1, 2, 3, underscore 2023. It can’t be it, right?
AJV (03:48):
You have to be findable. So as much as usually humanly possible, use your name, right? Mine is AJ Vaden. So it’s like, get as close to your name as humanly possible. But that’s what people are finding. It’s like I type in people I meet all the time and they’re like, oh yeah, just find me on Instagram. And I assume, oh, it must be your name since you said, go find me on Instagram. When it turns out, it’s like, no, it’s, you know, I can’t even think of one right now, but it’s like, you know you know, sassy Saysso. And I’m like, well, who, who the heck is sassy? I dunno who that is. So you gotta be findable, right? So that’s the first place. And then the second is where your name goes, right? So it’s your profile and then it’s your username, right?
AJV (04:35):
So it’s like your handle. And then it’s like, what is the actual name? So like where that is if you’ve got the blue chip, then you’ve got to, you also have something that’s legally identifiable on your license. So my legal name,
AJV (05:23):
So those are the two fields that are searchable. And then the rest of the information in that profile section is helpful, but it’s not searchable, right? So once somebody finds me or finds brand Builders group then it’s like, is this someone I want to follow someone I wanna look at their content, someone I wanna engage with? And I make it very clear like, this is what you’re gonna get from me, and here’s my call to action of how to engage with me off the platform. Those are all really helpful things. ’cause We’re not trying to build our audiences just on social media, right? Social media to us that it’s an advertising vehicle. But what you really wanna do is you want to move this relationship off of social media and into your email list or to a blog subscriber or a podcast subscriber.
AJV (06:10):
But we’re not trying to only access this relationship on the social media platform. We also want to have them on our platform so that relationship can be more intentional, more meaningful, more direct, right? So you gotta have your handle, then it’s like what you choose to put in that username category. So, you know, it could be what you do. In my case, it’s the name of the company. And then underneath that, it’s like, what’s gonna appeal to the audience I’m serving? And then what’s the call to action to engage with me off of this platform? So your profile section is actually really helpful and mostly it’s helpful in making you searchable. So make sure you capitalize that space as much as humanly possible. And then last but not last the importance of video content. Not everyone is gonna love that we’re talking about this yet again but video is favored and preferred on all platforms, not just Instagram.
AJV (07:05):
And so this is something that we do have to learn and we do have to be better at if we want to have this component of, you know, social media. If we want social media to be a component of our lead generation, customer acquisition, employee retention, customer retention. But this is marketing, this is awareness. This is the game that we’re in. This is how we reach people today, and we do it with valuable content. We do it with relationship and engagement. And those things can happen at scale all across the world. It’s not a bad thing. To have this opportunity and access, we just have to know how to use it in the right way. So a couple of quick tips for creating video content. Short and sweet. Save the best for first. You don’t need to introduce yourself at the beginning of every video.
AJV (07:53):
People know who you are for the most part, they’re following you if they’re engaging with you. That can be found in the captions below, that can be found later out later on. But they need to know, what am I gonna get from this short video, right? So we need to start with the best content we have. And so we need to lead with, you know, wanna know how building a personal brand’s gonna double your income in the next 12 months. I bet you do then go into the content, but you want to start with a little bit of that marketing pitch. It’s like, yeah, it’s like, I believe that you’re building your personal brand can double your income in the next 12 months, and I’m gonna tell you three ways we can do that, right? Or maybe you’re in the dental business and you’re going, Hey, do you still have metal crowns in your teeth?
AJV (08:39):
Wanna know why those are linked to X, Y, and Z? It’s like, yeah, I do. If I have metal in my teeth, I wanna know that. So it’s like, start with those headline statements. It’s always helpful to start with a question or a provocative statement, a fact, a statistic. But you wanna start with something that’s gonna catch someone’s attention. This is where that catchy marketing lingo is really helpful in your favor, but you wanna give people what they’re gonna get right up front, and you wanna save the best for first. Then you wanna make it short and sweet, then you wanna tell people, if you wanna learn more, here’s where you go. Right? That’s where you continue the relationship, continue the engagement. Other quick things, and these came from Chelsea. I thought these were so helpful in our conversation,
AJV (09:22):
And if you’re watching this then you can see what I’m doing. If not, I’m gonna explain it. But don’t forget that if you’re like using your camera to film, it’s like you can just move your arm and get different angles, right? So it’s, I can start here and then here and then here, and then here, and then here. And it’s like all of a sudden you’ve got a multi camera angle shoot by just using your iPhone. But movement matters. It catches the attention, it breaks things up. If it’s just my little head in a tiny little box and there’s no movement happening the whole time just like this. We, we kind of get distracted kind of easy. Like we, we don’t have high attention spans today. And so we’ve gotta keep it engaging. That’s why it needs to be short, and there’s gotta be some interaction.
AJV (10:06):
Also if it’s your tiny head in a box, you can’t use your hands like I’m doing right now, which also really helps with the engagement factor. You can see when I’m getting excited or when I’m slowing things down those things matter. The other thing is that you’ve got to have captions that everyone listens to everything on audio they read. So having the captions makes a big difference, not just because you have some people in your audience who are hard of hearing, but because many people are walking through the airport or sitting in their cubicle at work and they’re not supposed to be maybe listening to things aloud, but they can be reading, they can be scrolling. And so it’s paying attention to the multifaceted ways of going. Like, we need movement, we need sound but we also need the words.
AJV (10:48):
And that’s easy. It’s all built into the platform that allows you to do that. Now, last but not least, this is the last thing. It’s don’t forget that you don’t have to create every single ev every single piece of content that you make. Now, original content matters a lot because it’s your story and everything else has already been said except for your story. So tell your story. No one else has your unique personal experiences, life stories only you do. So tell the thing that no one else can give the ideas and the examples, the only you can because they’re yours. But that’s not the only thing that you have to create content about. And you can vary it up so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming, like, oh, I have to come up with this brand new stuff every day or every week. No, you don’t. You can come up with it as it feels good and original to you, but don’t forget, every single day you get asked a certain amount of questions that you know the answers to. Could you share that content in a video? Don’t forget, every single day you ask questions
AJV (11:52):
That you need answers to once you get ’em. Could that be a piece of content you share with your audience every single day? You go places you see people, you have experiences, you encounter interesting or weird moments. Can other people relate to those? Does that create the human element that you need? Does that create relational value where somebody else can go, huh, me too. That happened to me today too. Like, I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Or I can’t believe this had happened to somebody else before. I thought I was the only one. Right? And it happens at both levels. And so don’t forget, you don’t have to create every single piece of content based on your original content, although that’s helpful and important and valuable, but there’s also everyday moments that we all experience all around us that allow you to create that human relationship online where someone else can go.
AJV (12:48):
Me too, me too. So if you wanna be better at Instagram it doesn’t take, it’s not rocket science, right? It doesn’t take a neurosurgeon to figure this out. But it does take some time and effort and intention if you want to do it. And it’s not for everyone. So don’t feel like you have to. And I think that’s a big takeaway. It’s like, if this is not the platform of choice for you because your audience doesn’t live there, skip pass, go move on. Don’t worry about it. These, there is no like rule of like, this is what you have to do to be successful. You do not have to have millions of followers to have a, a massive impact on lives that you are touching. You do not have to have viral videos to make a difference. You, you don’t just focus on the one, focus on engaging and building relationships just like you do offline, right? It takes time and work to build relationships in, in real life in person. It takes the same amount of work online. So don’t forget that time matters and it takes time to make this work. So there you have it. Here’s how to be better at Instagram with three quick tips that you can start doing today. See, you.
Ep 415: Questions to Ask to Help You Find Your Why | Bianca Olthoff Episode Recap
RV (00:03):
Resilience, grit, determination, perseverance. Why do some people have it? And some people don’t. Why is it that some people can barrel through walls and overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles and other people can’t get the motivation to get outta bed or keep going Sometimes? What is the difference? And that is what we’re gonna be talking about on today’s episode. I’m gonna share three ideas to help you be more resilient. And this was inspired from my conversation with Bianca just here recently about adding more grit to your life and how personal brands can develop that kind of grit and perseverance. And Bianca’s a new friend of mine, she’s Jasmine Star’s sister. We got to meet through Jasmine. And I’ve really enjoyed meeting her. And just the conversation inspired me to, to, to stop and say, I wanna put together specifically one tactical tool right here, right now that would help you immediately become more resilient, immediately become more perseverant.
RV (01:11):
And I call this first technique, or this is gonna be the, the main technique of this lesson is 30. What questions to help you find your why 30, what questions to help you find your why. So we all know that having a why is really important in an episode not that long ago. I talked about kind of a refresher of something I said in the Take the Stairs book, which is that discipline becomes dormant in the absence of a dream. Discipline becomes dormant in the absence of a dream that we, we wanna leverage long-term vision to endure short-term sacrifices. So the amount of our endurance, our perseverance, our resilience, our grit, whatever word you wanna use for this is directly proportional to it, to the clarity of our vision, the, and the clarity of our why. And one technique is to get really clear on, on the vision of what you want, which is actually to create a picture.
RV (02:12):
And I’ve talked about that before, but today I wanna talk about finding your why specifically. And I’m gonna give you 30 what questions to find your why. Because what I have found is over the course of my life and my career, that a lot of people struggle to find their why, so to speak. They, they struggle to boil it down. And yet when we give them these specific tactical, what questions, like when you answer these, what questions, all these questions start with what? Then once you go through and you answer all of these, your why sort of gets revealed out of that. So I’m just gonna run through this list, okay? These are 30 what questions to help you find your why. Number one, what issues are you most passionate about solving for the world? So just you, you answer that. What, what issues are you most passionate about solving for the world? Number two, what problems are you most capable of solving for other people? What problems are you most capable of solving for other people?
RV (03:19):
That leads to question number three, which is kind of related, but a little bit different. What type of person can you serve in the deepest way? So you just think of like all the different types of people out the world, and you go, what type of person? What are the makeups of the, the specific characteristics of somebody that I can serve in the deepest way? Number four, what are the biggest challenges that you have overcome? We’ve talked about this a lot in brand builders group where we say that you’re, you’re your most powerfully positioned to serve the person you once were. So what challenge have you conquered? What obstacle have you overcome? What setback have you survived? What tragedies have you triumphed over? That all comes into what are the biggest challenges you’ve overcome? Number five, what practical skill sets do you have that you wanna develop more of?
RV (04:18):
What practical skill sets do you have or do you want to develop more of? So what, what things do you actually wanna learn that is a hint at your why? Number six, what skills do you want to learn and master that you don’t have? So this kind of goes in tandem with the previous one. So what, what are skills that you, you don’t yet have, but that you wanna learn and master? Number seven, what would you do if you knew you could not fail? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? I first heard Brian Tracy ask that question years ago. That’s been a great one to think about. Number eight, what do you feel called to, what do you feel called to, like, what do you feel called to do? Number nine, what places in the world do you wanna visit?
RV (05:08):
So now we’re starting to get into the more tangible things which often help clarify and, and, and help us codify like a big part of our why. So that’s what this next little section is all about. What places in the world do you wanna visit? Number 10, what type of family do you wanna have? So just like, when you think ahead 10 years from now, what type of family, like how many people do you see in the family? What, what type of family? Anything you can describe about that. Number 11, what physical attributes do you want to exhibit in your body, right? What physical things do you want to maybe change or highlight or, you know, modify in your body? Number 12, what type of job title do you want to have?
RV (05:57):
Like, what would your ideal job title be? Number 13, what type of clients would you most enjoy working with? What type of clients would you most enjoy working with? So if you had your pick of the litter and the whole world, and you said, this is the, the the specific type of person that I wanna work with what would that be? That that’s gonna, that’s gonna give you a hint as to what your purpose is, right? Like, we believe that all of these things are hints and clues as to what you’re calling is. There’s a reason why God made you in the way that he made you. There’s a reason why you are drawn to the answers to these things. These are not bad things, they’re not selfish things. They shouldn’t become idols in your life, right? They shouldn’t take the place of God.
RV (06:48):
They shouldn’t be the most important thing, but they’re good things. They’re beautiful things, and we believe that they are, they are there for a reason and they guide you in the, in the way that you should go. Number 14, what amount of vacation would you like to take each year? What about a vacation would you like to take each year? You might think, oh, I want permanent vacation. But the the, the reality is that you probably don’t. I mean, if you’ve ever been on vacation longer than seven days, it actually gets boring pretty quick. I mean, you can only go out to eat at like so many restaurants and sit around on the beach all day and do nothing. Like there’s so many, so many days and, and I know you’re probably listening and you’re like, try me, right? I’d like to, I’d like to have that problem, right?
RV (07:30):
Where I was bored of too much vacation. So maybe you need to do that and experience that and, and realize, no, I, I wanna have work. We were designed to work, right? God created work in the garden before the fall of original sin. So regardless of what your spiritual beliefs are, you know, for me that is the source of truth is biblically speaking work is not a part of the, the, the curse work existed before the curse work gives us purpose. So what amount of vacation would you like to take each year? Number 15, what type of house do you wanna live in, right? Like when you, when you think of your house, I mean, of course maybe you have some dream mansion or something, and that’s fine. Like if, if that’s it. But, but realistically go, gosh, like how much space do I really need?
RV (08:15):
What would I, what features would I really love to have? What type of house do you wanna live in? 16. What city and state would you wanna live in? If you could live in any city and any state, where would you wanna live? Or what city? Just sticking with the what theme, number 17. What type of neighborhood do you wanna live in? So is it a cult sack? Is it, you know, the, the mountains? Are you by yourself? Are there people near you? Can you see your neighbors? Can you not? Like, is it really tight and close-knit? Is it gated? Is it like, you know, is it just a big open area? Can you walk to the grocery store? What, what type of neighborhood do you wanna live in? Number 18, what type of car do you wanna have? What type of car do you wanna have?
RV (08:56):
And I know some of these might seem shallow in terms of like, you know, or superficial, but I don’t believe they are. I think that, that these physical things give you a lot of clues and a lot of insight into the type of lifestyle that you want to have, right? Believe it or not, not everybody wants a Rolls-Royce, right? Not everybody wants a Ferrari. Like I don’t want a Ferrari. The the, now I would have another Bentley, like I, I do, I do some days Miss Mile Bentley that I sold when we started brand builders group. But like the, you know, what, what type of car would you have? Those give you clues and hints and insight into the type of maybe job you want to create or the way that you need to plan and save money. And, and you can reverse engineer that into the type of career, the type of work or the type of client you wanna work with.
RV (09:40):
So I think these are, you know, worthwhile questions. Number 19, what do you want your ideal daily schedule to look like? What do you want your ideal dream daily schedule to look like? So if you could like, plan the perfect week and just plot it out on a calendar, here’s what I would do on Monday morning and Monday afternoon and Monday night and Tuesday. And, and not just like a vacation. I mean, you could have a dream vacation, but this is more of like, if, if this was a week that you lived on repeat, right? Going back to what I said earlier about vacation, I believe it or not, I think a lot of people don’t want permanent vacation. I, I, I have a lot of friends who have sold their businesses and it, you know, of course it’s fun for a while be like, oh my gosh, I don’t have to work again or whatever.
RV (10:26):
But a lot of ’em go into a deep depression and they really struggle to find purpose because it’s like they’ve had this, this focus and then once it’s gone, cuz work is good. Work is a good thing, it shouldn’t be an ultimate thing, but work is a good thing. So, you know, what would, what would your ideal weekly schedule look like? Number 20, what amount of money will you need to fund the type of lifestyle that you wanna have during your retirement? If you’re gonna take a retirement, right, or you know, what, what amount of money would you need to have to just live your dream lifestyle might be a better way if you go, no, I’m not gonna work forever and then just retire and do nothing. But if I wanted to sort of like, paste it out a little bit, what amount of money do you need to to fund that?
RV (11:09):
Number 21, what do you want your taxable income to be? What do you want your taxable income to be? Number 22, what activities do you love that are life giving? Life giving? What are the activities that just, they just make you happy for no reason? And you go, you know what, maybe I shouldn’t love mowing the lawn, but I do. Now I do not, right? That is not one of mine, but like, maybe it is for you or maybe it’s cooking or sewing or, or reading it. Reading is is mine, right? I could sit and just read for hours. It’s just completely life giving to me. So what are the activities that are like life giving number 23 is the opposite of that question. What activities do you hate doing that are life taking? And
RV (11:52):
You’re not exactly sure why. And maybe some people love ’em, right? I mean, one mine is landscaping and gardening, right? I know some people love it, it’s their thing. For me, I’m like, this is is prison. Like, I’m miserable. I do not wanna be outside in the hot sun sweating, like bent over getting dirty and all. It’s just like, it’s just not my jam. So what are the activities that you don’t like doing or the things that are life taking? Number 24. This is a good one, okay? This is where we start to get into the type of person you need to become to have all these things that we just talked about in the last section. So I would, I would classify these 30 questions. It’s not equal 10, 10, and 10, but the first 10 questions are really about like, what’s your purpose and your calling in life.
RV (12:37):
The second 10 or, or the middle part, they’re not exactly the second 10. The middle part are really questions around what type of lifestyle do you wanna lead and do you wanna have? And then this, these last ones are kind of more about what type of characteristics do you need to develop as an individual. So number 24 would be is what would the self-talk be of someone who had already achieved all of these things? What would the self-talk be? What would the, the mind of someone who had already achieved all of these things that you just listed out, what are the things that they would say to themselves? Because whatever those things are, are things that you can and mean should and need to say to yourself before they happen, right? Self-Talk should happen in reverse. The your self-talk happens first. This is the creation principle of integrity chapter from my take the stairs book that you think it, you speak it, you act, and then it happens.
RV (13:33):
So first you think it and then you speak it. So what would your self-talk be? If you had already achieved all these things, number 25, what would you have to learn to achieve the things on this list? What are the things that you would have to learn? Number 26. What person or people do you know who have already achieved the things that you wanna achieve? So what person or what people do you know of who have already achieved the things that you wanna achieve? What people already have, the things you wanna have. Those people are the people who have the answers for you, right? So just identifying them. Number 27, which is a little bit related. What type of coaches would you need to help you to get to where you want to go? What type of coaches would you need to help get you to where you want to go?
RV (14:31):
Right? I mean, Michael Jordan has a coach. The greatest actors in the world, they have coaches like the, the, the elite highest performing athletes and entertainers and musicians. They all have coaches. The best authors in the world have coaches. We coach a lot of ’em. The, the best speakers in the world, right? We coach a lot of ’em. Like there there is, everybody needs a coach, like, and can benefit from a coach. So what type of coach would you need to or coach would you need to get to where you want to go? Number 28, what behaviors do you need to stop doing in your life? You don’t even have to. You just go, these are things I’m doing, I just need to stop doing these. What behaviors do you need to stop doing? You know, things that have shown up for me over the years has been like drinking alcohol eating sugar you know, staying up late.
RV (15:20):
Like these are, these are things as I’ve gotten older, it’s like, I just need to stop. Like, I just need to stop doing this. So what are they for you? Number 29. What behaviors do you need to start doing? What do you just need to start doing? And you go, you know what, like plain and simple. I, this is, I need to just start doing this. I know for whatever reason I know that this is a, a behavior I need to start doing. And then question number 30, and this is a big one, okay, what would you be willing to give up if you knew you could have all of these things?
RV (15:56):
Like what would you be willing to trade? What would you be willing to give up if you knew you could have all of these things? Those are 30 what questions to help you find your why. Those are questions that anybody can ask themselves to immediately get clear on what your, get clearer on what your why is, what your real purpose is, what your real driver is. And I obviously if you’re watching this or you’re listening to this, I know you probably didn’t capture all that. The good news, if you go to rory vaden blog.com, we will list, we’ve got these all listed out on my blog. So you can go get the full list there if you want to download it or screenshot it or whatever or just, you know, play this, play this back and you can listen over and over.
RV (16:42):
So that is the theme of today, 30 what questions to Find Your Why. And and when I talked about the three ideas to help you be more resilient, it’s really those three sections, right? It’s, it’s the first section of questions is all about understanding what purpose do I feel called to The second set of questions is really what are the things that I want to have or do or achieve? And then the third set of questions are really about what is the type of person that I need to become? And if you are clear on those three things, those three sets of questions, then inside of that, i, I, as a result of that, as the the byproduct of that, you’ll develop more resilience, you’ll develop more grit, you’ll develop more determination. Because now all of a sudden your brain is set on something that it wants, and now it has a reason to go out and achieve it and acquire it and make it happen. So get clear on these 30 what questions and you will find your why. And as you find your why, you will find the ability and the drive to be more resilient and more perseverant. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it and we’ll catch you next time.
Ep 414: How Personal Brands can Develop More Grit and Perseverance with Bianca Olthoff
RV (00:02):
Oh my gosh, Bianca Olthoff is fire. You are about to experience fire, and I’m so excited about it. So I met Bianca, honestly, we shared the stage together at this event called the Global Leadership Summit, which is probably the biggest speaking event in the world. And I saw her and I was like, gosh, she looks a lot like Jasmine Starr. And I was like, I swear they look a lot alike
RV (00:49):
And now I’m following Bianca. And I just, I love Bianca’s content. And she has a book coming out called Grit Don’t Quit. And we’re gonna talk about this today. This is the topic of perseverance. Now this is Bianca’s third traditionally published book. Her first two books have done great. And she is a bestselling author. She is also a lead pastor of a church. So we’re gonna hear probably a little bit about that, maybe a little bit about speaking in the kind of the Christian circuit and Christian conferences. But mostly I want her to talk about how do we persevere and how do we overcome when we wanna quit? And anyways, we just become friends and I feel like she’s family even though we’re really technically meeting for the first time. So, Bianca, welcome to the show.
BO (01:35):
I am so excited. And with that introduction, I mean, I’m ready to throw some fire here. I mean, en Fugo. All right, we’re gonna have some fun. I’m gonna light some stuff up.
RV (01:44):
So, all right. So tell me, let’s talk about perseverance and grit, I guess, and walk me through what, walk me through your definition of what is grit? Why are you writing this book? How did this all come about?
BO (02:01):
So let’s start from the nitty gritty, if you will. I think over the last couple years, I have seen so many friends and so many people that are in the same field or people of faith that have just given up. And it’s so easy in our culture and society right now to throw in the tell, if you will. And I didn’t realize how pervasive the message was until I came to some really hard blows the last couple years. And I was having a conversation with a friend and she was going through a divorce, and I’m looking at her and I’m wa we’re walking through this really dark valley, if you will. And sure. She looked at me from across the coffee table and she said, well, I’m just not like you. I go, what do you mean? She’s like, well, because of your life and your background, like you just were forced to be resilient.
BO (02:48):
Like, I’m not born like that. And then I was hit with the reality that I think people think that resilience and grit is something that you’re born with, not something that you build. Hmm. And so a little bit of context. I know that you’re a good friend with Jasmine, and you know a little bit about this, but for those that are listening to the podcast, and I am new to them, new friend my background is peppered. I am a daughter of immigrants, and we are a large Hispanic family on one income, a dire straits being raised in urban environments. I like to say like we put the urban in suburban and our family was raised in East Los Angeles. See, west LA is where all the fancy bougie people were. We’re in East la. So Jasmine and I, I don’t know if you even know this, but Jasmine and I struggled academically to read right and spell.
BO (03:36):
We were I litter at the age of 12. I th Oh, and couple this with being obese and homeschooled and people of faith living in a non-faith culture. Mm-Hmm.
BO (04:21):
And I’ve read so many books. I mean, Dr. Angela Duckworth’s book Grit was phenomenal. I loved it. It was amazing. Changed my life. It came out like 66, 7 years ago. But one of the things that when I closed the book, I realized, okay, so she defined grit, but she didn’t teach me necessarily how to build it. And she gave so many different examples of people that were like gritty. And she gave medical analysis and, and, and psychological understanding. But I left the book feeling very inspired, but I didn’t have practical handles. I’m the girl that likes to put the cookies on the lower shelf
RV (05:25):
Yeah. And and personal brands is something you, you, you understand, you know, this intersection, right? Like, talk to me about some of the endurance that you’ve had to have to build your personal brand. I mean, you’ve got so many file followers online. You’ve got this thriving church, this thriving community. You’ve got three books. You self-published a book and then, and then two books that you wrote, and now this is your third. Like, how do you think this applies specifically to the personal brand journey?
BO (06:03):
You know I never set out to try to build something, and the least of that was to build a brand for myself. However, I have a wonderful sister who was like, Bianca, it’s you. You are building something. You are building. I am a woman of faith. And so forever out there that may not share that I, I totally understand it, but this is my journey, so I’m gonna give you a little peek. So I started teaching bible studies and my sister was like, Bianca, I really do think that you need a website cuz you’re basically like that person that’s selling fake rolexes, like a fx in an alleyway out of the trunk of a car. Like you have to legitimize yourself. And that simple conversation really sent me on this journey to be like, you know what? I am very proud of the abilities and the skills that I’m cultivating been given and are wanting to increase and get better.
BO (06:49):
So like, why not put intention behind everything that goes out there? Not just my words, but also what’s associated with that. And so it’s been wildly, wildly important. I think for those that are not familiar with the faith space it’s been largely dominated by men and largely dominated by a certain type of men. And so for me to come in it, I, I kind of stick out like a sore thumb. But that’s actually worked in my favor now because in building a brand, I realize that not everyone likes vanilla ice cream. Not everyone likes chocolate ice cream. Some people like cookie crunch, malted cookie crunch, and some people like bubble gum ice cream. Some people like Get ready pistachio ice cream. I just realize that I might not be everyone’s flavor, but the people who are out there that like my favor, they will love this ice cream.
BO (07:31):
So I’m going to build a brand, whether that is in visual assets, digital assets, audio assets or, or biblical assets. I want it to reflect a person, the person who I am in the best form. And again, if I like putting things on the lower shelf, the cookies on the lower shelf I wanna make, whether it’s brand building or biblical principles as easy for people to understand. So I’m passionate about it, I love it. And also my background is in art. So when she started talking about brand building, I kind of viewed it as like painting a portrait. And any portrait that lasts is gonna have a je eso underneath that is like a primer. And I think that brand building needs to have that brand building is the primer. If you want something to last, you need a good primer. If you want your business to grow, you have to have a good brand. So I view it like that.
RV (08:14):
Yeah. Well, and I just, I think people don’t realize how much the road to building a personal brand is just littered with rejection and self-doubt and going, you know, you get turned down for this speaking gig and this, this literary agent tells you your idea will never sell. And this publisher says the book is no good. And you know, you do this email campaign and nobody buys and you, you know, spend your, all your money on a website and then like it doesn’t work. And there’s just, there’s just, to me, this is such a, such a walk of perseverance and grit just to even be in the game, right? Like just to, even to just to even have a chance. You, you, you have to go. So I, I know you talk a little bit about neuroscience specifically and the connection to grit. Can you take us, take us a little bit into that, cuz I kind of feel this as like, you, you mentioned Angela Duckworth as sort of like the handoff of going, you know, there’s this academic piece of grit and, and then, you know, we’re gonna talk about, I wanna talk about the three piece of perseverance and all that, but there’s sort of like this, this piece of neuroscience. And tell me about how the neuroscience of our brain connects into us being gritty.
BO (09:34):
Okay, so you said before we went live on this podcast, you said that you were a nerd and I am a nerd. So from one nerd to a nerd. Nice. We’re gonna nerd move about for a second.
RV (09:43):
Nice
BO (09:43):
Neuroscience in the study of the brain and neuropathy is something that’s becoming more on the forefront of everyday nomenclature, language vocabulary. Like we’re understanding it more. And so for those not familiar with it, the, the easiest way to kind of break it down is neuropathy is this study of like our, the brain grooves. The grain brain pathways. And so in taking a little bit of neuroscience background and applying it to the idea of grit is that no matter what failure comes our way, we get to determine what we tell ourselves about that failure is that, do we say our failure is final or failure is part of the process. And every time that we choose a different narrative, one that is life giving one that is believing that the best is yet to come, as cliche as that sounds, we’re actually building neuro pathways in our brain that can actually rewire our brain to have us view situations like perceived failure or maybe being dismissed by somebody or being rejected or not g getting the job.
BO (10:44):
We can rewire our brain with truth when we tell ourselves, this is not the end of me. Mm. When we tell ourselves that this is actually strengthening me. And when we do that, it’s not. And this is the difference between just so you know, like, oh, positive confession, I’m just gonna will myself to think this. It’s actually knowing that there is a purpose for this failure. I mean, this goes into, I think when we talk about perseverance, when we talk about grit, it feels very nebulous. Like what does that really even mean? And I love some science that’s coming out of Harvard right now. Actually it’s, it’s act probably about a decade old, but I think it’s just gaining popularity that when we try to talk about the word resilience, what are the components of resilience? You had mentioned the three Ps and we can talk about that in a second.
BO (11:30):
But I think that’s been really pivotal in like how I understand failure because it’s perspective, it’s the ability to pivot and then there’s the purpose component. That has been wildly just fascinating to me because it’s changing the way that I think. And by changing the way that I think it changes the way that I live by changing the way that I live, it changes how I lead. And so I think all of it is interconnected and it begins with this rewiring of the brain. And that’s been really fascinating to, to un uncover. And I go a little bit into it. It’s only one chapter that I talk about that I talk about it in the book, but I think it’s so important, the power of what we’re thinking, the power of what we’re saying, the power of what we’re believing about, what perceived failure actually means in our life.
RV (12:13):
Yeah. I think that and that it was empowering for me to sort of wake up and realize this idea that it is up to me to define the way I think about what has happened to me. Right? You don’t always get to cho choose what happens, but you get to choose how you respond to it. And, and more specifically how you process it, how you, the, the story you tell yourself about what happened. One alternative is, man, I’m a total failure
RV (13:20):
Like this is making me so resilient cuz there’s so much, so much rejection. So let’s do, let’s walk through the, the three piece cuz I know that there’s people out there, whether it’s an author, you know, who feels hopeless about how do I get this book out into the world or the attention of a publisher or an aspiring speaker or a lot of, you know, maybe it’s coaches going, how do I just, I I need more clients and I feel like I I I don’t know where they’re gonna come from. Or we also have, you know, a lot of professional service providers that are, you know, part of this community of lawyers and accountants and doctors and things where they might just be feeling burnt out. Right? I’m just going like, I don’t wanna keep going. Like I’m already, I’ve been going for so long and I’m burnt out. So walk us, walk us through the three P’s.
BO (14:08):
Okay. So before we dive into that, you had said something that was so impactful and I don’t want someone to miss this. It’s like the podcasters flipping it on the podcaster, but you said something so good that I think people need to hold onto. You had 20,000 doors that you knocked on and you had so many nos and so many slammed doors in your face. Uhhuh
RV (14:34):
I cried every freaking day, every day I cried
BO (14:54):
That resistance is the thing that builds resilience. And so I think that the door slammed in our faces mm-hmm.
BO (15:38):
And so again, cookies on the lower shelf friend, I made them all start with P because I was raised on Sesame Street and p is the letter for the day. Okay? So of the first P of resilience is the understanding of perspective. So perspective is, and this is where we get into like the neuro pathways and what so perspective would pause and say, okay, even though this is bad, whatever the bad is, you didn’t get the job, the pitch in the boardroom epically failed. The C-suite that you wanted was taken by someone who everyone thought was more qualified. Whatever your perceived failures, your perspective is like your per your chosen perspective. You can walk in and say though that it’s not now that doesn’t mean that it’s not e never your perspective will shift and say, what are areas of growth in my life that I maybe don’t see?
BO (16:24):
Your perspective would say, Hey, this is resurrecting something in me that I would like to work, work through with a trained professional. I’m gonna go see a therapist perspective is saying, what am I not saying? And then perspective allows you to pivot the who are, what’s the characteristics of people who are resilient. Not only do they have a healthy perspective of life and themselves, they have the wild ability to pivot to say though this is not working. I am going to turn and I’m gonna go in a different direction and I’m gonna make this work when life gives me lemonade. Life can me lemons. It’s not just for lemonade. It’s so that I could save the seeds and plant these seeds in the future for trees that will produce more lemons in my life. This is the ability to pivot. The French word is brico.
BO (17:03):
Most people are familiar with like collage, but brico is when we’re taking different strands of different things and we’re making something beautiful. This is the lemons to lemonade. Those resilient people will just, will have an ability not only to have clear perspective, but the ability to pivot. And then last and finally is an understanding of purpose. So if you’re familiar with the Austrian psychiatrist out of Auschwitz that survived the Holocaust, oh my gosh, why am I blanking on his name? Please help me. Rory. Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s brilliant.
RV (17:34):
Victor Frankl. Victor
BO (17:37):
Frankel. See, I knew what you came through. You are, come on homie. You are a homie. Who is
RV (17:40):
Vic? Who is Victor Frankel for 500. Yes.
BO (17:44):
Yes. Well done. You’ll win Jeopardy. You’ll be my phone a friend. Okay. So Vi Frankl really helped frame this understanding of acar pain having purpose. Nobody wants to say that. And again, it sounds so cliche, but what he did is he found that people that understood that their pain actually produced a purpose in their life. That they went on to live not only more fulfilled lives, but more successful lives. And I think wow, if we’re giving people handles on how to be resilient, it’s those that have a healthy, healthy perspective on self and life, have the ability to pivot and then can see a greater purpose beyond whatever trauma trial or tribulation has faced them. That’s what makes me passionate and that’s what makes me so excited. I’m like, wait, there’s actual he handles to build this for our lives.
RV (18:27):
Yeah. And these, these are so good because I you know, like with perspective, part of how I’ve always thought about it is like if you have a flat tire, that seems like an awful event. But one day when you go to heaven, if you real, if you learn back and you go, oh, that flat tire actually prevented you from a fatal car accident mm-hmm.
RV (19:03):
All that has changed is your perspective. Mm-Hmm.
BO (19:47):
Unan answer prayers
RV (19:48):
Thank you Jesus.
BO (20:08):
All things work together for good
RV (20:10):
In all things. Yeah. God wor things work together, together for good, for those who love God and called his purposes or something close to that. There’s is that you can choose to go, even though this awful thing has happened. Yeah. There’s gotta be some payoff as to why. And, and, and it is always the way, right? Like you can look back on things that happened 20 years and go, man, I actually am quite thankful that I got fired from that job. Like mm-hmm.
BO (20:51):
All, first of all, you are taking us to church today. Okay. I’m about to bring my podcast Oh yeah.
RV (21:24):
Oh, you’re talking to me? Yeah. Oh. Well, I, it’s funny. I would, my honest answer to that would be programming. It would be programming going back to the, to the, to the neuroscience neuro
BO (21:37):
Pathways.
RV (21:37):
Yeah. We, we, we used to, they, they taught us to say this, this phrase, the answers behind the next door, the answers behind the next door, the answers, the answer to every problem is behind the next door. And they like beat it into our heads. Whoa. And I, I actually would say it out loud between houses, the answers behind the next door, a always. And so I would say it was less of a feeling. I never felt like going to the next door. It was more of realizing, okay, my brain is a computer system, it’s going to do whatever it’s trained to do, and I need to program my brain that whenever something bad happens, the answer is behind the next door. So to just keep going. And, you know, I I would also say, you know, to that person that’s listening right now going, if, if they’re sitting there thinking, oh yeah, you know, this is all nice and tidy, wrapped up in a bow, like your pain turns into purpose and perspective, what I would say is just create an alternative version of how the story could end, right?
RV (22:38):
So if you’re sit, if you’re sitting on the corner with a flat tire right now, it, it, it, it feels awful, right? Like, I’m not telling people to fake their emotions. Like, it sucks when someone slams the door on your face. It sucks when you have a flat tire. It sucks when somebody dies. It sucks when you get fired. But, and this is part of where, for me, I think faith comes into it, which is in all things God works for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose is to go. I am consciously choosing to believe that even though I can’t see it, even though I don’t understand it, even though I don’t feel it right now, what is a potential explanation for how this could be used for good? Or even just having the thought that it could somehow be used for good, I think gives you enough to go to, to go to the next door to go, yeah, I don’t understand it, but I’m just gonna keep going versus otherwise, I’m, I’m just searching for an explanation. And the explanation is, oh, I suck. I’m not worth it. I’ll never succeed. You know, I have bad luck. So I, I love what you’re saying there about perspective and purpose and I mean, those, those tie together really, really, really well. Well,
BO (23:50):
Thank you for knocking on the 20,000 doors because I think that what you’ve learned in that, in that season has equipped you to help so many other people in their season of not wanting to knock on the next door.
RV (24:02):
Well, thanks, Bianca. I mean, I think I, I think this is the not, I think I’m a hundred percent certain. I, you know, I’ve now interviewed thousands of people between my various podcasts over the years. This is a hundred percent the story of success there. I have not found one person who has been extremely successful who doesn’t have some version of that story. In fact, in your book you talk about Paul from the Bible, and this is, I know it’s a, I mean, hey, you’re a pastor, like, there’s gonna be a few biblical references. So
RV (25:04):
So can you like describe why you chose Paul as an example of this?
BO (25:09):
Well, I refer to Paul as my Bible boyfriend. I just feel like there is no one else and the page. And yes, my husband is aware that I have a crush on a
RV (26:07):
And before this, he’s a murderer. He’s a, he’s a, he is murdering Christians, persecuting them. Mm-Hmm.
BO (26:30):
So he’s the prosecutor and the prosecutor against people of the way as in those following Jesus. So he is on his way, he’s breathing hot threats down the neck of believers, and he’s stopped, he’s halted on the Damascus road in the desert, dusty, dirty road. And he has an encounter that really changes his life. And suffice it to say you can read his story all throughout the pages of scriptures, but the man goes on to Penn, two thirds of the noon testament, and the one who was a prosecutor and the prosecutor against the people that were people of faith. He becomes one of the, if not the chief crafter of our theology that we understand today. Now that sounds lovely. When we say theology, we think of like an ivory tower. No, this man was beaten. This man was stoned. This man was imprisoned multiple times.
BO (27:19):
This man had allegations come up against him. And there’s this one one specific account where he is just falsely charged. He’s put in a boat, he’s sent over on his way to Rome, their ship wrecked, their ship runs runs afloat against an an island called Malta. They finally make it through this storm that’s supposed to take their life. And as he’s there, they’re trying to drive themselves off and warm themselves off, and they build a fire. And as they’re building a fire, he picks up pieces of wood to start the fire. And then out comes a, a snake that bites him and everyone’s expecting him to die. And he doesn’t die. He doesn’t die. In fact, the hand that is bitten soon will be the hand that he lays on people that will experience supernatural miraculous healing. I mean, this man’s story is absolutely insane, and he has such a conviction about what he’s called to do, that it’s nothing can stop him.
BO (28:09):
I’m not saying that he walks, you know, skipping along and desires to eat bomb bonds on a beach. No, the man endures so much, and yet it did not stop him from doing what he was called to do. So the reason why so much of this book is framed upon the life, if, if there’s a through line in this book, it’s the life of Paul the Apostle where we are all gonna have this arresting moment. No, there’s not gonna be a, a light that shines down from heaven and a voice that’s like, why are you persecuting me? But there’s kind kinda a moment in our life and maybe even multiple times in our life where we’re stopped and we’re arrested and asked, what are we doing? And it’s those moments that I kinda wanted us to pause and take a take a a, a a, a pulse check, if you will.
BO (28:48):
What am I doing? What am I doing? Because there’s going to be resistance that comes along with the way when we are pursuing the call that’s upon our lives, whether that is sitting in a medical practice or whether that’s going to law school, or whether that is being a stay-at-home mom who is an entrepreneur running a business out of her kitchen. I, there’s going to be resistance. And the reason why I’m absolutely beaded with this man named Paul, is that nothing stopped him and thwarted him from not just pursuing the call upon his life, but encouraging others to do the same. So I look at Paul’s, which is the end of his life, he says, I poured myself out like a drink offering. Now this is very poetic. But he was also speaking to the philosophy during that time that during that time in ancient Greco-Roman culture, they would pour out their wine to the gods as a sacrifice. And he is saying, I am pouring myself out for the benefit and the sacrifice. Sacrifice unto the Lord, be benefit of you. And I wanna get to the end of my life and say, I have fought the good fight. I have poured myself out like a drink offering, not only pursuing the God call that he’s put on my life, but inspiring others to do the same no matter what comes my way.
RV (29:53):
Amen. I love it. Bianca, where should people go if they wanna learn about this book or connect with you, like see all the things that you are up to?
BO (30:03):
Absolutely. I’m so excited about the project and it launches August 28th. People can pre-order and get a bunch of amazing gifts and incentives and resources, not just stuff that’s gonna sit on a desk, but resources that will enable people to build resilience and grit and perseverance. So they can go to bianca ov.com/gdq for grit, don’t Quit, and also at Bianca ov on all social media platforms,
RV (30:27):
Grit, don’t quit, bianca ov.com/gdq. We’ll put a link to that in the bio as well. And I would encourage you to follow her online. I mean, I follow her on Instagram and I just, I love it. It’s just encouraging, encouraging words. So thank you for your encouragement, friend. Thank you for your example. Thank you. Thank you for boldly pursuing your calling and, and what you’re doing, and we just we’re praying for you and, and we are pulling for you. And we, we wish you the best. Thank
BO (30:55):
You. Appreciate you.
Ep 411: Eternal Life Part 1 | Strategy for Defeating Death
RV (00:00:03):
What is your strategy against death? I mean that seriously. What is your strategy for dealing with defeating or overcoming death? What is your philosophy about death? What do you believe about what happens after death? Ironically, this is probably one of the most important, if perhaps not the single most important questions for you to answer during your life. And yet, many of us speaking, at least for myself, my friends, my family, many of the people that I know and interface with, many of us spend a shockingly little amount of time thinking about or answering or even having any crafted philosophy at all about what happens after we die. And to me, from a logical standpoint, you put all religion and spiritual spirituality and, and, you know, theism, aside from a purely logical standpoint, this seems like an important question, one that we should spend a little bit of time thinking about, because one thing that I know is that 100% of humans that have ever lived have also died.
RV (00:01:36):
RV (00:02:42):
Do you believe in reincarnation? Maybe you do. If you do, though, why? Like, what evidence is there for reincarnation? What, what logical or academic or scientific support beyond just your own personal convictions, beyond your own feelings, beyond your own instincts, beyond your own emotions, what evidence is there to support that? That’s real. I’m not saying that you have to have evidence for that. All of us, of course, you, myself included, we are all welcome to have whatever beliefs that we choose. But for me, as an analytic, not somebody who’s a pastor, but as someone who is a critical thinker, someone who is logical, someone who is systematic and pragmatic and practical, I just am curious to know, is there any evidence for what you believe? And what is the evidence for what you believe? Maybe you believe in heaven. So what evidence is there for that?
RV (00:03:45):
And how do you get into heaven? And is heaven really real? And if there, if there is a heaven, how confident are you that you are going to get in
Ep 410: Hugs Help: How to Support People Who Are Grieving with Randy Stocker
RV (00:02):
Hey, I am gonna introduce you to a new friend of mine. His name is Randy Stalker, and I am having Randy on the show because of a few reasons. So first of all, I met Randy at the National Speakers Association, which has been a big part of my life, all the way from back from the time when I was like 20 years old. We met at a recent meeting and I always, always love meeting fellow NS AERs. But specifically it’s because of Randy’s topic. Now his topic is not one that is so hyper specific to personal branding and, you know, the things that we often talk about. But, you know, occasionally on this show, I will share personal development content. I’ve talked about how and why I stopped drinking, and I’ve shared some spiritual episodes and things. I’ve also had a lot of my, my friends, ed, mylett, and Jamie Kern Lima, etc, talk just more about like entrepreneurial stories.
RV (00:55):
But Randy is someone who has an expertise on helping people to deal with grief and loss. And he is the survivor on of a a pretty massive tragedy. And we’re gonna hear the story of that. He lost some family members that he’s gonna, I’m gonna let him tell the story, but what he’s done is he has turned it into a personal brand and he’s turned it into a career and he’s turned it into a message and a mission to help people figure out how to overcome loss brief you know, survival and, and really just he’s helped start a number of bereavement groups and you know, he’s just a, a good listener and, and a support. And so that’s something that I always struggle with which we’ll talk about. But anyways, Randy, welcome to the show.
RS (01:52):
Thank you, Rory. I appreciate the opportunity. So,
RV (01:55):
So tell me the story your story. I’d love, I’d, I’d love to, I’d love to start there. I know it’s, it’s probably something you’ve shared many times and I’m sure it’s painful, but I I think it’s a pretty, a pretty key part of, of the jumping off point of all this.
RS (02:09):
Absolutely. So on July 22nd, 2003, my two daughters, Janelle, who’s age 19 and Amy age nine, went to visit their grandpa and Grandma Stalker in Gibson City, Illinois. They spent the time back to school shopping with grandma, called my wife Shar, and said how much fun they were having all the money grandma spent on them. And then they were driving back home when a guy driving a fully loaded semi-truck speeding and reading a book broadsided the car where Janelle and Amy were sitting killing all three immediately.
RV (02:50):
So you lost your two daughters and your, was it your mom and my
RS (02:54):
And my mother? Yes.
RV (02:56):
Wow. All in all in one moment. Just like that.
RS (02:59):
Yeah. Janelle had just finished her freshman year of college at Dur Dury University in Springfield, Missouri. She asked me if she could spend time with grandpa and grandma before she went back for her sophomore year, which I thought was wonderful. Her 19 year old girl to ask that. Unfortunately, Rory, I made our nine year old daughter Amy go with her. Huh? I thought it would be good quality time for the two. I knew grandpa and grandma would love seeing them both, and so I made Amy go, which I regret to this day. But I always asked myself the question, was it the right thing to do? And the answer always yes.
RV (03:37):
What makes you say that? Like, how do you, how do you, how have you come around to, to that viewpoint?
RS (03:49):
Well, it’s, it’s always good for kids to spend time with their grandparents. Number one, you don’t anticipate your daughters are gonna get killed by a semi-truck, or they’re making a, about a three hour trip to see grandpa and grandma. The girls needed to spend more time together cuz Janelle’s going back to college. So I just said, Amy, you need to go and it’ll be good for you,
RV (04:13):
Uhhuh,
RS (04:26):
There’s guilt for 19 years for doing that, but I always ask the same question, was it the right thing to do? And the answer’s always, yes, it was the right thing to do. Mm-Hmm.
RV (04:34):
RS (04:35):
So just because we do the right thing doesn’t mean we have the right results. And this was a terrible instance of that. So,
RV (04:44):
Yeah. So I thank you for sharing that. You know, I got two kids, I got two boys now, and it’s a different, you know, it’s a different way of seeing the world as a parent and I so I struggle with what to say, right? And, and I struggle with what to do. We had less than three miles from our house here where we live in Nashville just recently was a school shooting at the Covenant School. And we knew 11 children at that school two of which are our next door neighbors. One of ’em, which was in Bible study. Thankfully none of the kids we knew were kids that were injured. I mean, minor injuries, but no, no, no, no gunshot wounds. And, and nobody, no one that we knew died that day. But that was a massive, massive tragedy right down the street.
RV (05:47):
You know, I was in, I was in high school in Colorado the year that Columbine shooting happened. And you know, there there’s, there’s some of these just extraordinary tragedies, nine 11 tsunamis. And, and then there are the, the kind of more personal and private ones of, you know, I, I had a friend lose her husband unexpectedly a few weeks ago, and like a pretty good friend you know, people who lose a child and you just go like, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I, I don’t want to say nothing, but I don’t, I really don’t wanna say the wrong thing. And so sometimes I say nothing like, can you help? Like what? Like what, what, what do we, what, what do we, what’s,
RS (06:36):
Yeah, what’s the you’re, you’re like most people and just like I was before I lost my daughter’s Roy. It’s not untypical. So lot of people start out by saying the wrong thing because we think, cuz we’ve heard it before, things like, I know exactly how you feel. You don’t wanna say that cuz you never know exactly how I feel or how that person’s feeling. You never say, call me if you need anything because I don’t, if I didn’t call you to mow my yard or shovel my snow beforehand, I’m not gonna call you now. So what you do say is, I miss him or her, him or her too. I cannot understand your pain. Just know that I am here for you. Or if you’ve experienced loss yourself having experienced loss, my self, my heart truly, truly goes out for you and your family. Always and your family in there. Okay. The simple, simple thing to say is, I am so, so sorry for your loss
RV (07:45):
And you don’t, I
RS (07:45):
Never tried to assume that you know what they’re going through because you don’t.
RV (07:51):
And do you not get, I mean the, you know, I’ve lost my grandparents never, like someone in my immediate family I mean, I’m a biological father died, but I, I didn’t really know him af I only knew him until I was like six months old. And so, like, I never really knew him. And like I have to think that you, you know, you have funerals and you’ve got insurance companies and you’ve got, you know, just so many things are going off it. And it’s, it is helpful to hear those things. I’m so, so sorry. Even though you hear it over and over from everybody else and it, it’s still just, that’s the, that’s still helpful to hear.
RS (08:37):
Yeah. Even better than that, don’t give the per person permission to grieve when you’re sitting down with somebody just to, just to talk to them doing a one-to-one. You only need to give them permission to grieve or to get mad to get with you. Huh? It helps ’em a lot cuz they’re trying to hold it in cuz they don’t wanna burst out and start crying in front of their good friend. Number two, shut up and let them talk.
RV (09:07):
Hmm.
RS (09:08):
Sometimes we try to solve problems, we try to find solutions. Guys, you can fix a broken arm or a cut finger. You can’t fix grief. You can’t cure grief When you lose somebody that you loved for a long time. It, it’s always gonna be right here. So the only thing that can cure that is that person comes back from the dead and that’s not gonna happen. So a lot of times we try to fix something that’s unfixable.
RV (09:41):
I mean I think that’s a good reminder of like, and I don’t know if that’s more of like a male brain issue or just everybody, but like, there’s a part of me that just wants to do something. It’s almost like I feel like if I were, if I were a good friend and if I cared, I would do something and I don’t know what to do. And so I try to like do something and say stupid stuff. And you’re, what I hear you saying is like listening is doing something and listening, giving them permission to listen or, or listening and giving them permission to experience whatever they need to experience is doing something.
RS (10:22):
Yeah. A lot of people walk away from this situation cuz they’re so uncomfortable with themselves.
RV (10:28):
Yeah.
RS (10:29):
Okay. My advice is to just be there. If it’s a good friend or a family member, you don’t have to say anything. Just sit beside ’em and hold their hand or give ’em a hug. Just being there means so much. Some of the cliches we heard and still hear, I’m heals all wounds. What the heck does that mean? Hear it all the time. They are in a better place. So many people said that to me and I said, you know, I’m sure heaven’s a lot better place than this stupid earth we live on, but my daughters are doing pretty good with us in Quincy, Illinois. But we also heard God never gives you more than you can than you can handle. And God really tested me by taking my mom and my two daughters at once. It’s a true saying, but did I wanna hear it? Absolutely not
RV (11:21):
Mm-Hmm.
RS (11:34):
Even
RV (11:34):
If it’s, even if it’s true, it’s not helpful. It’s
RS (11:37):
True and it’s hurtful.
RV (11:40):
Mm-Hmm.
RS (11:41):
RV (12:05):
Mm-Hmm.
RS (12:06):
Number one, please be patient and understanding with me.
RV (12:13):
Hmm.
RS (12:13):
Patient being a key word. Number two, please let me grieve in my own way and in my own time. Don’t tell me how to grieve. Don’t tell me when to grieve. Don’t tell me when to start grieving and stop grieving.
RV (12:29):
Hold on. And I wanna, so I wanna go back to the patient one for a second. So when you say, please be patient and understanding with me, that means like, don’t pressure me to do stuff. Be okay if I’m unresponsive for a while. Like if I disappear for if I disappear for a little bit, I’m not at the parties, I’m not whatever. I mean, I if if it’s an employee, it’s, I may be not coming back at work or colleague. I mean, is that, are those all the things when you say like, be patient with me? Yeah.
RS (12:58):
Be patient means I am not the same person I was yesterday. Okay. I mean, once my daughters were killed and my mom were killed, I, I changed from the Randy stalker that was fun-loving and happy and liked to drink a beer with the guys. I go to a bible studying or something to this angry, frustrated person that couldn’t understand why his daughters weren’t there. And every time he saw other girls their age got mad, got angry, got frustrated. So a a person who’s grieving is not the same buddy I had yesterday. So be patient with them because they will get to the point, maybe they’ll be close to that same person, but maybe not.
RV (13:48):
Yeah.
RS (13:48):
How about the things,
RV (13:50):
I can’t imagine what that would be like to see kids your same, that were the age of your kids.
RS (13:57):
Yeah. Please forgive me if I say something stupid insensitive. Okay. When you’re grieving your mind’s not the same. You say a lot of dumb things and I upset so many people, they were trying to comfort me. Oh, they were having fun with their kids and I would get mad. So I was just a totally different person. So you just gotta understand that
RV (14:20):
Is that, that’s number three you’re talking about there?
RS (14:24):
It’s number four. Yeah.
RV (14:24):
Number four. Yeah. And when you say let, let me grieve in my own way, like, you know, I just wanna spend like a minute on each one of these. Oh, you bet. And, and y’all, and I don’t, I didn’t mention this, but Randy has a book called Hugs Help. Our story of tragic loss, survival and helping others as you can tell, it’s, you know, it’s very practical. I mean emotional but very practical and like these things that we’re, we’re running through right now. And, and so grieving in my own way, I feel like that comes back to what you said a little bit earlier of the things not to say as like, oh, you should grieve like this, or I understand what it feels like, or God won’t give you more than you can handle or any, anything that sort of leads lets on in a presumptuous way that like, I know what you’re going through or I know what is best for you. It’s actually way better to just sit and go, I have nothing for you. Like, I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I be
RS (15:26):
Honest. Yes. I
RV (15:27):
Have no recommendation. I don’t even know what to say. I just want you to know that I care and I’m here, basically. Yeah.
RS (15:33):
Be a supporter of somebody who’s grieving. Don’t be a comforter, be a supporter.
RV (15:38):
What’s the
RS (15:38):
Difference? Wherever you can help them get around. Help ’em with their kids, mow their yard, whatever it takes. Just help take some of the additional stresses away so they can concentrate on their grief and surviving their grief and getting through their grief.
RV (15:55):
Ah, so when you say that really
RS (15:56):
On, on the fringes, help ’em on the fringes to take some of the stress away.
RV (16:00):
Yeah. So when you say be a supporter, you’re saying like, take care of the practical things. Don’t try to like do the emotional things.
RS (16:07):
Yes.
RV (16:09):
Yeah. That’s interesting. I feel that way about like having a baby like that, having, having kids rocked my world and I’m just like, I was just not prepared emotionally for what being a dad would be like and how difficult the whole thing was. Yeah. And like what helped so much was people bringing dinner, which it was like, never in my life could, I imagine for one moment that like bringing someone bringing dinner would make such a huge difference as when we had our first kid and, and our second kid of just like, there’s so much going on. Just getting dinner together is a massive feat. So that’s interesting. That’s the connection I make there. When you you’re, that’s like what you’re talking about.
RS (16:49):
Yeah. Tie that into a funeral though. In the funeral you have their visitation, you have people bringing all kinds of casseroles and food and drinks to your house once a funeral’s over the house is empty. I mean, we had hundreds of people, thousands to come to the visitation, hundreds come to the house and all of a sudden it was just haw and I and nothing left. That’s when you really need to step up as a friend. Okay. When it gets really quiet and don’t, don’t ever think you are bothering them cuz they’re thinking, why hasn’t Rory called me? Why hasn’t AJ stopped by my house? Don’t they like me anymore? That’s where I need to step up and start helping people.
RV (17:32):
Yeah. That and then I think it’s, it’s, it’s just, it’s just so ironic because it’s sort of like miscommunication. Like the definition of miscommunication where you go somebody is maybe not calling or not stopping by because they’re so afraid they’re gonna say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. And yet you’re saying all you, all you have to do is be there and don’t do anything else or just be there and help with the basics. Like, and it’s so, it’s so simple. It’s just, you know,
RS (18:02):
We try to do more than we’re, than we should be doing.
RV (18:04):
Yeah, totally. Totally. so you said please forgive me if I’m, I’m you know, if I say something silly or insensitive what else, what, what are some of the others? These are so help, this is so helpful, Randy.
RS (18:18):
Yeah. The, the fifth one is a lot of people are scared to bring up the name of the deceased. They, they think it’s going to make us start crying or get angry. Like we’ve, for like, I’d forgotten my mom and my two daughters were killed.
RV (18:33):
Totally.
RS (18:33):
Okay. That is, that’s a fear we shouldn’t have because people who are grieving want to hear the names of their loved ones. They want to hear stories, really
RV (18:44):
Pictures.
RS (18:45):
Oh, absolutely. I run a big Facebook site and to a t people want to hear stories about their loved one because we never want them to ever be forgotten. Ever. So proactively say, bring up a story or show a picture. If you
RV (19:03):
Really not
RS (19:04):
Comfortable, if you’re not comfortable doing that, say, Hey, I remembered a great story about your dad. It made me laugh this morning. Can I share it with you? So ask for permission.
RV (19:17):
Okay. Yeah. That is, I am exactly the opposite of that. I feel, I feel like, oh my gosh, I just, I don’t want to tiptoe into anything that’s gonna make them sad. It’s really sad. I worry less about making ’em angry. I worry about going, here we are having a beautiful day and now I’m gonna bring up something. You know, like AJ’s mom died when she was 15 and sometimes I’m just like, I can’t imagine how sad to grow up and to get married and to have kids and not have your mom there. And so it’s like I sometimes am afraid to even say something about my mom because I’m so, I just feel like it’s gonna make her feel bad. You know? Like, so that’s super helpful. I would not have guessed that at all.
RS (20:01):
Roy, ask her, ask her to tell you a story about her mom when she was 12. Okay. Proactively ask her. I mean, she would love to talk about her mom, but she’s not gonna bring it up cuz you don’t bring it up. Okay. I, 19 years later, I still love hearing stories about mom and Janelle. Naomi don’t hear ’em very often. Sometimes it brings a tear to my eye. Nothing wrong with that. Same with you. For all the people you’ve lost or anybody’s lost out there who actively share a story with them.
RV (20:32):
Yeah. That’s powerful.
RS (20:35):
Okay. Number eight, never stop calling me. Sometimes we think, well we’re, we’re not gonna call today because all their other friends are calling. Well, all the friends are saying, well, we’re not gonna call today because all their friends are, are calling a graver is waiting in hope. And that phone rings for somebody just to say, Hey, I’m thinking about you today. Okay. So never stop that calling and it’s just not on the date of death. You gotta kick in mind the secondary losses. I didn’t just lose my mom and my two daughters. I had lost college graduations. I had lost walking my daughters down the aisle. Uhhuh
RV (21:27):
Yeah. I heard, and I once heard I had a good, I had a good friend who lost her dad. And I remember her telling me that the entire first year that somebody’s gone, every single holiday, every single annual event, whether it’s Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Halloween, summer vacation, their birthday, like, it’s like they experienced the grief over and over again. Like the whole year of, she used to call it, it was the, she called it the year of firsts. And she was like, when somebody dies, it’s like the, it’s not just the day. It’s like there’s this whole year of first and every time, it’s like the first Christmas with Adam, the first vacation with Adam, em, the first time at home with without em the first, the first the the, the first time we go back to the golf course that we used to go to. Like, and that really hit me of like, wow, that, that means you’re at least for a year, it’s like pretty intense. Not just, oh this happened. There’s a funeral and like we all are all moving on now.
RS (22:39):
Yeah. One thing to keep in mind too, it’s not just the actual day. Grief builds up, it builds up inside of a body. Okay. Father’s Day, I hate the most cause I don’t have two of my daughters or Father’s Day. So three or four or five days before Father’s Day, I can feel the grief starting on my gut and working its toy up. And this gotta to explode. So the best time to call people is two or three or four days before those key events say, Hey, I’m thinking about you, I’m praying for you. I’m here to help. Okay.
RV (23:15):
Is that, let’s
RS (23:15):
Say get to the actual day, it’s, the buildup is worse than the actual day.
RV (23:21):
Ah,
RS (23:22):
Today is another day in their life, but the buildup anticipating thickness is gonna be a terrible day is a lot worse than the actual day.
RV (23:30):
Wow. Yeah. That’s insightful to just go like, yeah. I mean I guess I imagine you never have another Father’s Day where you don’t, you just never have another Father’s Day where you don’t think about it. And so you’re leading up, up to that moment. Can can I ask you about like the you know, spiritually, so I I’m a hardcore Bible thumping Jesus freak. We, we are, we, we, we
RS (23:53):
Hardcore Bible thumping Jesus freak. Okay. Jesus
RV (23:56):
Freak. Yeah. So, you know, we’re, we’re Christians. We believe in heaven. In fact, in fact, I am, I haven’t shared this publicly anywhere, but for the last several months I’ve actually been working on something that I’m, I I’m, it’s a, it’s called Getting into Heaven. And it’s, it’s seven, it’s seven questions that I think every intelligent skeptic should ask about Jesus. And I’m not really doing it. The, the, the reason I’m putting it together is for my sons, for Jasper and Liam. It’s gonna be dedicated to them. And I want them to know, I want them to know why daddy believes in the logical reasons of miracles, a resurrection and Jesus. So that’s a very personal and powerful thing for me and our family. Separate if whether or not somebody is a Christian or believes in heaven or is an atheist or whatever, when somebody loses somebody, especially when you don’t know what their faith is like, it’s one thing if I go, I know you’re a Christian, we go to church, we have the same beliefs.
RV (25:10):
I, you know, I can send them a Bible verse, I can send ’em something. If there’s somebody who I don’t know if they’re a Christian or I know they’re of a different religious faith and I don’t know much about that faith or like, you know, whatever, like a, you know, it’s not, we don’t have a shared spiritual belief system. Or, or I know they actively don’t have a faith. Like how much does the, you know, does it help this, like you, you already said they’re in a better place. Like, that’s not a good thing to say. That doesn’t really, even if it’s true, it doesn’t help. Is there anything else around the spiritual conversation, you know, like, I’m praying for you as a good example too, cuz I go like, that’s gotta be another thing that everybody says. And, and first of all it’s like, are they really, you know, like, you know, so, so what are some things around that?
RS (26:04):
Okay. That that’s, that’s a fair question. Yeah. We are we’re good Catholics. Okay. We live in Quincy, Illinois. When this happened part of my presentation about everybody grieves differently. Okay. My wife and I had been married 21 years. When the girls were killed, she would be in church every single day. She felt more comfortable in church, closer to God and closer to her church friends. I tried, I would go to mass every single Sunday. I would sit about halfway through mass and I’d start crying and I’d cry because why am I worshiping this God that took my daughters up to heaven? Yeah, I know they’re in heaven. I know I’m gonna see them again, but why would God take them away from me? One day I left mass, I went out to the cemetery. I was yelling and kicking and screaming and crying.
RS (26:57):
Somebody walked up behind me, Roy and put their hands on my shoulders and he said, son, what’s, you know, what’s the matter? I explained that I was so frustrated with God for not protecting my family. My prayer every night is take care of my family, take care of my wife, my kids, and grandkids, yours, his well. And this guy explained free will to me. And he basically said that God gives us all the free will to make our own decisions good, bad, right or wrong. And God didn’t take my daughters to heaven. God gave this truck driver free will, like he gives it to you. And me and the truck driver made some stupid, stupid, stupid mistakes. So after, instead of blaming God or taking Janelle naming mom to heaven, I started thanking God Rory for the 19 years I had with Janelle. And for the nine years I had with Amy.
RS (27:55):
And that changed my life. So instead of hating God, which I hate you worse hate, but that’s how I felt for a long time. I started thanking him cuz I didn’t really have to have them, he didn’t have to give ’em to me at all. I had 19 years with one and nine with the other. As far as your question, I think you need to stick with your faith. Okay. If you’re talking to somebody that has different faith, doesn’t matter. Use what you want to say. It’s gotta come from the heart. And if it doesn’t come from the heart, it’s not near as meaningful. Mm-Hmm.
RV (28:43):
Yeah. That feels like your
RV (28:44):
Question. It’s, that feels totally, and that feels like a hopeful thing for, that feels like a hopeful thing, just no matter what the scenario is. Like I’ll get to see him again someday. Like that’s a Absolutely. That’s, that’s a very hopeful yeah, that’s a, that’s, that’s a really hopeful thing. So I want to, so that’s super helpful. So can we talk about the truck driver for a minute? Because on the one hand you have to, I mean, like, there’s so much, I mean, your story just makes me cry, Randy, because it’s just, it’s just, it’s just so, it makes me so sad. And I know there’s people listening that are going through it right now, right? Like they’re going through it right now and
RS (29:27):
Presentations bring out a lot of, lot of tears. Roy,
RV (29:30):
I, I’ve, I can’t imagine tears
RS (29:32):
Are okay. It means you care, it means you love somebody.
RV (29:35):
I c I can’t hardly talk, talk to you right now. They’re, but you know, it’s like, first of all, you have to reconcile the loss of somebody, then you have to reconcile your life without that person. Then you have to reconcile with God. And then in your case, you have to reconcile with this other person. Maybe not reconcile with them directly or, but like, there’s a, that doesn’t just go away, right? Like there’s, there are, there’s feelings and emotions around that person.
RS (30:13):
Yeah.
RV (30:14):
Can you like, talk through that a little bit?
RS (30:16):
I, I can. He was a truck driver. His name is ran my, my same name unfortunately. After the death, the state of Illinois charged him with involuntary manslaughter. We went to court in Bloomington, Illinois. The judge asked a few questions and then the judge asked me to stand up and he said, I’m sorry Mr. Stocker, but I cannot charge this guy with anything. He didn’t mean to kill your family. This is before distracted driving was the terminology it is now. But I think you’re getting to the point, did I forgive that driver or not? And I get this question asked pretty much every presentation I do. And I say, I, I forgive the driver. I know he didn’t kill them on purpose, but I have not yet forgiven his stupidity. Okay. It was stupid, stupid thing he did to read a book while driving a truck. So I forgive the driver, but not his stupidity. What are your thoughts there?
RV (31:28):
W well, I guess I just took
RS (31:29):
Me a while to get to that. So,
RV (31:30):
Yeah, I mean my, how long did it take to, to get to that point?
RS (31:35):
After that trial, I actually actually asked to speak to the truck driver and his wife. And they put us in a small room at the courthouse and she said they were so sorry and gave me a big hug, but he didn’t even get out of his truck to see if my family was alive or not. Roy, he sat in his cabin and called somebody didn’t even check. So that, that part really hurt me, him not even looking to see if they were alive or needed help or anything. So it took a long time, but probably two or three years after they were killed, they started answering that way. I forgive the driver, but not a stupidity.
RV (32:20):
Yeah. I mean,
RV (32:22):
What the, whatever the, there’s, there’s always a scenario around how it happened. You know, why it happened. I, I’m a big, I’m a, I’m, I’m a big believer that forgiveness is really, you know, it, it sets, it sets you free as the one who was harmed more, more than it has anything to do with setting them free. But anyways, it’s just, I I I, I I can’t imagine. So buddy, I, I, I want to point people towards the book Hugs help our story of tragic loss, survival and helping others. And then, you know, tell me about the hugs part of it. You know, where does the, where does the, the title come from? Because we haven’t, we haven’t talked about it, but as soon as, as soon as I saw it, I was like, man, I really even just love the title of this because it, it feels, I guess this whole, this whole topic of just death.
RV (33:23):
You know, and I, I firmly believe in heaven. Like I am absolutely convicted in, you know, what are my beliefs? And, and I’ve re researched them at length over the course of my life, both from a spiritual and emotional perspective, but especially from a logical and rational and archeological perspective. And no matter, no matter what, it still feels so hopeless. It still feels so desperate. Like, you know if I lost my kids or my wife, like, it’s like I just, I have no control over this. And, you know, this is going to happen in some way to one of us, some someday. And I think there’s so much about what you talk about Randy, that’s just tactical and practical and you know, the, the hug especially of everything somehow is ma is, it feels magical to me as like the thing. So can you just tell us like, where, where, where’s the fir first of all, tell us where, where do you want people to go to get the book or to connect with you or like learn about, you know, having you speak and then, and then I wanna hear the story of the, the title.
RS (34:34):
Okay, good. The book’s on amazon.com, just write in Hugs, help Randy Stalker. If you want to, a lot of people like autograph copy, so they can go to my website hugs help.org, and they can order an autograph copy and I’ll send it right from here. Venmo is the only way I take payment for that, but if they have Venmo does it that way. I’ve, I presented about 35 times my first year since the book has released mm-hmm.
RV (35:18):
Indeed.
RS (35:19):
Cuz we all need to understand grief. We need to understand how to help those that are grieving. So I’m looking for the opportunity to talk to as many people as I can. As you can tell, I’m very open with my presentation. Sometimes I shed a tear while I’m speaking. They need to understand that about half the time it’s
RV (35:40):
RS (35:43):
And then as far as the Hugs help, I, I wrote the book in eight months, during October. It was released May 23rd. Actually a year ago today it was released. Okay. It didn’t have a title. So I went to see my dad in Gibson City, Illinois. Had a nice couple days with him. He is a big brood of a guy, Uhhuh
RV (36:38):
Yeah.
RS (36:38):
That’s where it came from. I’m proud of the title. It’s getting a pretty good name out there. So
RV (36:44):
It is the, you know, the other, the other thing I love about hugs, I mean, it’s so helpful to know what, what, not to say, what to say and all this, you know, but I think, you know, one of the things that really sticks with me, I, from, from what you’ve said and talk about is just being there. Like, literally just being there. You don’t have to say anything. And in order to give a hug, you have to be there.
RS (37:13):
Yep.
RV (37:14):
Like, and that’s, I, that’s why I was like, man, this really is the perfect, the perfect title. It’s memorable, it’s clear, it’s what people want. It, it, it’s what the grieving person wants. And it’s also to me what the, what the people surrounding the situation want, which is a clear answer for how can I help, what can I do? And just knowing like it’s, you know, hugs is a great way to do it. You’re not, you’re just there. You’re not saying anything. You’re not fixing anything. You’re not coaching anybody on how they should feel.
RS (37:54):
Just there.
RV (37:55):
You’re just there and you’re just holding them. Yeah. And well, I’d
RS (37:59):
Like to share five takeaways with people. Do we have time for that? Sure. Okay. Number one, always remember that everybody grieves differently. My wife and I were night and day grieving. She didn’t cry for four months after our daughters were killed.
RV (38:14):
Wow.
RS (38:15):
Four months. And I was just a, just a ball baby every single day. So when you’re trying to help people understand that husband may grieve differently than the wife and the kids and everybody else, number two, you cannot grieve wrong. Don’t ever let anybody tell you how to grieve, when to grieve or when to stop grieving. If you feel like crying cry. If you feel like screaming scream, you cannot grieve wrong. Number three, always try to accept a griever for who they are. Now, I’m never gonna be the Randy stalker before July 22nd, 2003. He’s long gone. I’m a new person. Everybody that goes through tragedy is a new person, not a better person, not a worse person, just a different person. Number four, try to really hard to understand the grieving process. We share nine steps there with you. Just a lot of times people won’t say what’s on their mind. They can tell you how to help ’em, but they won’t. So if you understand what they’re going through, it will help them. And number five, what you just said, just be there for them. You can’t fix it. Nothing you can do to just be there. That’s what a graver needs And hugs do help Roy.
RV (39:41):
Yeah. Amen. Well, Randy, thank you for the courage and the boldness of sharing your story. I I’m convinced it’s gonna help a whole bunch, a whole bunch of people, and I’m, I’m very grateful to have met you and to have had this encounter and this opportunity to get this instruction from you. It gives me a lot more confidence in, you know, approaching this situation in a way of being able, being able to be helpful to, to people going through a hard time. And so again, you know, you guys can go to hu Hugs help dot org Right? Is the website. And you can, or you can grab the book Hugs, help on Amazon and walk you through this. Randy I really wish you the best man. I, I’m, I’m praying for your message to get out there to, to help a lot of people. I know there’s a lot of people who struggle with grief and struggle with how to support a griever. And there’s, you know, there’s a lot of, there’s a lot of death and tragedy and heartbreak going on in the world. And so I think this is a really, really needed message. So we love you. We’re cheering for you. We’re grateful for you. Keep on going, my friend.
RS (40:53):
Take care, Rory. Thank you. Okay.
Ep 389: 3 Elements of Mental Toughness | Todd Durkin Episode Recap
RV (00:02):
Huh. I love the fire that Todd Durkin brings to the microphone and to the camera, man. I’m a, I’m a fan. This guy’s enthusiasm and, and positivity and his energy that he brings, it is contagious. And as a friend, as a client, as a colleague, I am I really have enjoyed my time around Todd Durkin and I, the interview that we did. If you didn’t get a chance to listen to it, go back and listen to it yourself. You’ll catch a bit of his energy and just his intensity, which I, I really, really loved. And you know, as always, what I’m, what I’m doing is I’m, I’m taking these interviews and sharing back with you things that I’m being reminded of, things that I’m learning myself, the ways that I’m internalizing or processing what has just happened during that interview. And today’s no different.
RV (00:58):
This is inspired, you know, by all this, this conversation with Todd. But I boiled this down to what I wanna share with you are three elements of mental toughness. These are three kind of pieces of your, these are three parts of your mindset that you have to get right, if you’re ever going to really be mentally tough. And I think these are three things that people don’t actually do very well. Like, these are three very rare things. These are three things that are unfortunately uncommon amongst most people in the world, but among the elite, among the top one percenters among what we would call the ultra performers. I refer to them and take the stairs in my first book as ultra performers, or in my second book procrastinate on purpose. We call ’em multipliers. You know, today, we might just call them like mega influencers.
RV (01:55):
But these ultra performers, there’s, the thing you gotta understand is that it is their mind. That is the, the magic is in the mind, right? It’s not their skills so much. And, and it’s, it’s that there’s mental conditioning. It’s like that story I shared about Navy Seal, Joe, the, the human body can take near anything. It’s the mind that needs conditioning. So here’s three elements of mental toughness. First one, something that you need to understand if you’re going to be successful in anything, is that the intensity of your discipline needs to match the magnitude of your dream. The intensity of your discipline needs to match the magnitude of your dream. This is one of the biggest problems we have in the world today, is there’s people, you, you see all these dreams and like people, all these fake flus online who are showing like, oh, these cars and these private
RV (02:58):
Jets in these homes. And so it’s like, oh, we all have these dreams and we have this huge dream, and yet we have this weak level of discipline that is a recipe for failure, right? That’s a recipe for disaster. Or it’s at least a recipe for a broken heart or unmet expectations. You can’t have a huge dream and very weak discipline. The intensity of your discipline needs to match the magnitude of your dream. Big goals are for people with big work habits, right? Right. I’m all about having big goals. I’m all about dreaming big. I’m all about, you know, achieving the impossible. I’m all about going for the thing that no one else says you can do, but you better show up and put in the work. Like you better show up and be ready to play. You better show up and say, I am willing to do what no one else is willing to do, so that I can have what no one else is going to have.
RV (03:51):
That’s the mindset of an ultra performer. I’m not saying you have to like it, I’m not saying it’s fun. I’m certainly not saying it’s easy. I’m saying that’s what it takes. That’s how it is, right? Also, I would say, and I’ve, I’ve said this several times before, discipline becomes dormant in the absence of a dream. Discipline becomes dormant in the absence of a dream. So part of increasing your discipline is increasing your dream. Because if you don’t have a clear dream, if you don’t have a clear picture, then there is no reason for you to make the sacrifice. And so the human brain left to its own default, to its own design, will naturally gravitate towards the path of lease resistance. This is escalator mentality thinking, which is where the title of the Take the Stairs book my first book even comes from, right? So you have to, if you wanna increase your discipline, one of the ways to increase your discipline is to increase the dream.
RV (04:50):
Because then you go, ah, now I have a reason to do it. Now I have a reason to make the sacrifice. But discipline goes dormant in the absence of a dream. So if you’re struggling with discipline, it might just be you don’t have a big enough dream. But so step one is like, have the dream, but then step two is make sure that the level of your discipline matches the magnitude of your dream. That is a connection that ultra performers understand. Most people do not. Most people will never get it. I mean, literally go to the mall, walk around, you can look at world or look, go to a stadium. Look at most of the people there are never going to make the connection that I am talking about that I just shared with you. But a 100%, 100% of the world’s wealthiest people, most successful people, highest performing people, top achievers, top athletes, top actors, top singers, 100% of those people will have made that connection.
RV (05:46):
So if you wanna be one of those people, I recommend you understand that and you make that connection. Number two, the power of community. I loved what Todd was saying when he said, hire an appointment with a trainer, right? Like, hire a trainer if for no other reason than to create the accountability in your life to show up and exercise, to show up and work out. If you don’t have the self-discipline to get up and exercise and do what you need to do, then hire a trainer for no other reason than to, to make sure you show up, right? Like there is power in accountability, there’s power in community. And if you’re not where you wanna be in your business, if you’re not where you wanna be in your personal brand, if you’re not, if, if you’re not achieving the things that you want to be achieving, one of the first things you have to do is look at who you’re spending your time with, right?
RV (06:47):
Who are the people around you? I can guarantee you that the people you’re spending time with are not people who have achieved those things. If you’re spending time with people who have achieved those things, you will become that person. You will. It, it happens by default because you, you absorb their mindsets, you absorb their tactics, their beliefs, their relationships, their, their, their, the things they focus on. You absorb those things. So you have to curate your own community. You have to curate your own community for your life. You have to hand select deliberately. Choose intentional in intentionally pick who you’re spending time with. And that’s another reason why. I mean, if you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, if you’re not yet a member of Brand Builders Group, I’m going, the amount of money you have to invest to become one of our members is so minuscule.
RV (07:44):
Not only compared to what you’ll learn, and, and not only compared to what you’ll earn as a result from what you’ll, but it’s so small just compared to the power of the network, of the people you would meet. Like, if you learned nothing from us, if you never implemented anything from us, the r o ROI you would receive just from being in the room with the people who are at our events, right? And who are on our virtual trainings and who are in our Facebook group, is so tremendously powerful. Like, it’s huge because it’s a community. It’s a community of mission driven messengers. It’s a group. This is something we never anticipated when we started. The company, never even thought about. It was like, wow, if we’re successful, what will happen as a byproduct is we will have hundreds of people who are world changers, all who coalesce, like, who all assemble in the same area.
RV (08:41):
And it is incredible. Our members are incredible. Like the people we see in our Facebook group and, and our community group and on, on our virtual trainings and at our live events and on our virtual events, I mean, mean, it blows my mind, the stories. I mean, our members are amazing. So you need to curate that community. And if you’re trying to build your personal brand and you’re trying to like, use your personal brand to grow your business, then I, I cannot recommend enough going to free brand call.com/podcast, request a call and find out how you can join our community, right? We have all different investment levels, right? Even we, we, we’ve designed this to be affordable for people who are even starting out in the very, very beginning. Cuz that, that was me one day. That was us one day, right? So we have a heart for that, for that early messenger.
RV (09:27):
But like, if you’re serious, like get serious and take that step. Request the call, show up for the call, find out what the investment is, figure out what the right level is for you, and get your butt to the community. Like, get plugged in. If it’s not with us, that’s fine. Whatever your goal is though, whatever your dream is, whatever your mission is, whatever, whatever is the thing you’re wanting to achieve or accomplish or do or become, you have to surround yourself with other people who are trying to achieve or do or become those same things. The power of community. And this last one, this last one is, I’m gonna name this concept. I’ve never named this concept before, but I came up with a name for this. I’ve, I’ve, I’ve thought about this a lot and I’ve talked about it some, but I’m gonna officially give it a name right now.
RV (10:24):
This is a, this is a, so officially a new concept that I’m introducing formally is the concept of something that I’m going to call standup speed. Standup speed. What is standup speed? Simple. Your standup speed is how fast do you stand up after you got knocked down? That’s it. That’s standup speed. How fast can you stand up after you get knocked down? How fast do you bounce back after you have failed? How fast do you make the next call after the last sales call rejected you? How fast do you post the next video after the last video flopped? How fast do you get on the next stage after your last stage bombed? Like, how fast do you publish the next episode after the previous episode? Nobody listened to like, that is standup speed. And those are practical, physical, external expressions of standup speed, right?
RV (11:31):
Those are behavioral things that you could, that you could notice and you could see and you could actually measure. But really where standup speed really starts is in your mind. It’s in your mind. It’s going, how long are you going to let something negative affect you before moving on from it? That’s your standup speed. Like, literally, think about this. You go, there are things that happen every day that, that suck, right? Or aren’t good. Like, or, or, or with some regularity. There are things that happen all the time, right? We, we have stuff right now. We have, we have this leak in the house. You know, we have a seven year old brand new house, like a very like pretty nice house, right? Custom-Built home. We have this huge leak that is like destroying a wall inside of the house that we are like, okay, now we have to get this repaired.
RV (12:27):
And you go, we did nothing to do that. Like, it, it, it was completely out of our control. Like, we did nothing to deserve that, I don’t think, right? Unless it’s God or the universe going, you know, some, some, some version of, you know, like what goes around comes around karma like coming back to us, but like we have this huge leak and you go, if you have a huge leak in your home, you know, we had a gas leak not too long ago and I go, oh, you have a gas leak. Oh you have we had a flat tire. I had a flat tire not that long ago. Had a flat tire, right? Or you lose a customer or you lose an important engagement or you lose a team member, which is, to me, one of the most devastating things is when I is, when when we lose team members, that’s like really devastating, right? You know, you go, okay, something negative happens.
RV (13:18):
What your standup speed is, what is the distance between, or the amount of time that passes between when the negative thing happens and you go, ah, this sucks. How much time passes between that and where you go, all right, I, all I can do is all I can do is control what I can control and move on to the next thing. Whatever that distance is there, that’s your standup speed, right? That whatever that time lapse is that that span between something bad happened and I’m immediately going into action mode about doing something about it. And not only going into action mode about doing something about it, but I’m letting go of the negative thoughts and the negative energy that surrounded that event. What is that distance? That is your standup speed. And most people’s standup speed is so slow. It’s so slow. We think the reason we’re not more successful in life is cuz like, we can’t go zero to 60.
RV (14:18):
Like, man, if that, the key to being successful in life is like, if I could start a business in 90 days, or I could make a million dollars in 90 days, that would make me successful. That’s not the speed that matters. You can crawl like a turtle, you know, in that race and eventually win. That’s all about consistency. The speed that matters. Where speed matters when it comes to success is your standup speed. It’s going, I got punched in the face. How fast did I punch back? Right? I got knocked down. How fast did I stand back up? I got rejected, I got doors, slammed my face. How fast did I knock on another door? How fast did I make another phone call? That’s the standup speed. And, and, and not just the behavior, but how quickly were you able to let go of, to release, to lose to, to shed the negative energy, the negative thoughts, the negative patterns, the whoa is me. Why did this happen to me? This is so terrible. This is so expensive. I’ll never break free of this. All of the victim mentality that shows up, which is not unwarranted, right? I’m not saying you’re weak for having those thoughts, you’re human for having those thoughts. Those are normal things. But where your strength comes from is realizing that those negative thoughts don’t serve you at all.
RV (15:40):
Having the thoughts helps you zero. In fact, it makes it worse. There is nothing about a negative thought. There’s nothing about negative energy, nothing about stewing, nothing about sulking, nothing about soaking inside of excuses or rationalizations or justifications or just things that, that you did nothing to deserve, but were bad. There is nothing about sitting in that place of negativity that does anything to serve you, that does anything to help you achieve your goals. That does anything to help anyone else. It doesn’t help you be successful. It doesn’t help you make more money. It doesn’t help you make more impact. It does nothing. All it does is keep you stuck and making you feel sorry for yourself. It’s a victimhood. It is a victim mindset in going, how long am I going to allow something that happened to me in the past? How many days am I gonna carry that forward?
RV (16:37):
How many times am I gonna take what was in the past and project it into my future? For how many minutes or, or moments? For how many moments or how many minutes or how many hours or how many days or how many years or how many decades are you going to carry that negative energy forward? Just answer the question, not to me, to yourself. How long are you going to allow that negative energy from that past situation claw at your future and pull you back? That’s your standup speed. Because what do ultra performers do? They fail and forget. Fail and forget. Fail and forget. Fail and forget tragedy and forget set back and forget somebody hurts them, forgive ’em and forget, forgive ’em and forget, forgive them and forget, fail and forget. Like their standup speed is like instantaneously, like instant. Their, their standup speed is instantaneous.
RV (17:38):
He go flat tire. That sucks. Call a tow truck, pick up the spare, get an Uber, buy a new car, whatever it is. But you immediately go into action mode. And, and I’m not saying that is the life isn’t hard. I’m not saying that things aren’t unfair. I’m saying life is hard. I’m saying life is unfair always for everyone. Is it more unfair for some people than others? Sure. Maybe. I, I, yeah, I mean, probably so. I would, I would buy into that. But is that what determines your success in life? No, I would, I would, I would rarely, on very rare occasion, I, I might, I might accept or acquiesce to that. But, but typically, no. I go, I know people who have, I know people who have overcome every setback. I know people who have been raped. I know people who have had family members murdered.
RV (18:26):
I know people who have been spit on. I know people who’ve been called racial slurs. I know people who have gone bankrupt. I know people who have been homeless. I know people who never had a formal education. I know people who have been burned, have been, who are quadriplegics, who grew up without a mom or a dad. Like I know people like from almost every horrible situation you could think of. I know personally these type of people who have overcome it and been successful anyways, who have overcome it and survived, not just survived, but they have thrived anyways. Not just thrive, but become world changers, multipliers, ultra performers. In spite of the fact of these setbacks, because they have extraordinary standup speed, they quickly engage with what is proactive, productive, and positive. So what is your standup speed?
RV (19:24):
How long are you gonna let the negative things of the past affect you? How many times are you gonna complain that you have too much work to do? How, I mean, how many years have to go by of you feeling busy before you stop telling people you’re busy? How many you know days do you have to live feeling overwhelmed, bef before you finally just go, I’m not overwhelmed. That just is what it is. And I’m gonna do, I’m gonna do my thing and I’m gonna go as fast as I can. Like, how long are you going to allow negative energy to hold you back? Standup speed. You need a faster standup speed. I need a faster standup speed. So much of my life, I can look back as going. It has been, my mental toughness has been about this conditioning. This one skill is what is my standup speed? How fast can I go from a negative thing happened into productive positive action And not just action. Action is huge, right? But also shedding myself of the resentment, of the worry of the fear of the heartbreak, of the sadness of the, of, of this thing and going it because it does nothing to serve me. Now, grief would be one exception. I think there is a time for grief that grief should happen when you experience loss and you go,
RV (20:46):
Yes, I’m gonna grieve. I think that’s a part of the healing process. But even that, at some point, you have to move on from, I mean, what are you gonna do? Spend the rest of your life grieving about something you lost or someone you lost? I don’t mean any disrespect to anyone who has lost someone. We’ve all lost people. But I think in many cases the way to honor that person is to move forward and do something significant, maybe in their memory, in their honor. But I do think there’s a, a, a, there is, you know, a psychological place and a necessity for grief, but not forever. Right? Now, how long? I don’t know you decide, but I go, how long is it really serving you? How long is it really serving you? I, I, that’s for you to figure out, right? I’m not telling you when or what’s the right amount of speed, but I’m telling you, when it comes to generally being successful in life, increasing your standup speed will radically transform the probability of you achieving the things that you want most in your life. This is not something in your d n a, this is something in your character. This is something you develop. This is something you code. This is something you drive with your own discipline. It’s a decision you make. I am no longer going to allow myself to be affected by negative energy and negative things that happened in the past. I’m not gonna allow myself to say I’m overwhelmed. I’m busy, I’m stressed, I’m frustrated, I’m tired. I, i like, it doesn’t serve you.
RV (22:21):
If it doesn’t serve you, don’t let it stay with you. If it doesn’t serve you, don’t let it stay with you. Stand up speed. Do it, my friend. That’s all we got for this episode of the Influential Personal Brand podcast. That was my rant. And I love you. And I’m talking to myself, right? I’m talking to myself going, Rory, you need to pick it up, Rory. You need to get, you need to get up faster. You need to bounce back faster. You need to quit complaining. You need to quit sulking. You need to quit soaking. You need to quit whining about this or that, or whatever. Just respond. Just re just respond to it, deal with it, and, and focus on the things that, that make a difference. So I’m on this journey with you and I’m grateful for that and I’m, I’m grateful for you being here. I hope you find it encouraging, encouraging enough to share this with somebody who needs it. Share this with someone who, a team of people who you know are going through something tough. And keep coming back, will ya? I appreciate it. Hey, leave us a review and a comment if you can at some point. We’d love to hear your thoughts and we’ll catch you next time on the Influential Personal Brand Podcast.
Ep 388: Having a High-Performance Mindset with Todd Durkin
RV (00:02):
Well, one of my favorite quotes is from a Navy Seal. My friend Navy Seal Joe, and he said, Rory, the human body can take near anything. Hmm. It’s the mind that needs conditioning. And today I’m gonna introduce you to someone who is a new friend of mine, a client of ours and an expert on high performance mindset. His name is Todd Durkin, and when I say he’s an expert on high performance mindset, we’re gonna hear some of his story. But just to give you a frame of reference, he has been part of the mental and conditioning coach for people like Aaron Rodgers, drew Brees, and U F C Champion, Mike Chandler. So we’re talking some of the premier athletes in the world. Todd is also the author of the book called Get Your Mind Right. And that’s why I brought him here today. He’s gonna help us get our mind right and stay in that high performance mindset. So brother, welcome to the show,
TD (00:56):
Man. Roy, thank you for that introduction. Great to be here.
RV (00:59):
Yeah. And I can’t, it would, it would be, it would be wrong not to give a shout out to our man, Bob Wheatley, who is one of our clients and one of our team members and one of my favorite humans who I really respect. And that’s obviously how we met. Met you, you were his coach, right?
TD (01:13):
Yeah, B Bob used to come down and train in San Diego at my gym, fitness Quest 10 when he was a pitcher at U S C. And every year he and his brother Brent would come down and train with me in preparation for his season. And then ultimately Bob became a professional pitcher. But the Wheatley family is an amazing family. And when Bob reconnected a few years ago after his professional career, he said, Hey, I’m working with this guy Rory Vaden and Brand Builders Group. And I’m like, what’s that? Bob came on my podcast, we talked about you. And I’m like, I gotta meet this guy at Rory. And that’s how we got connected, Rory.
RV (01:49):
I love it. I love it. Well, so I wanna hear, I, I wanna hear about what it takes to have the kind of mental conditioning at at this, you know, elite, athlete level elite entrepreneurs. I know you also coach entrepreneurs, especially now in recent years. But like, tell us a little bit about the backstory first. So you mentioned, you mentioned your gym. Sure. How did you, how did you kind of get into where you’re at now?
TD (02:13):
Yeah. Well, one thing I always say, and I’ve said for 23 years in working with those athletes and entrepreneurs is this, get your mind right. Get your mind right. Get your mind right. But the reason I say that is because I wanna know how you get your mind right when your mind’s not right when you’re struggling or when you’re down, or let’s say you used, you know, you’re a high performer, but maybe you’re, you’re overwhelmed or you’re stressed, or you’re depressed or you’re down, or life through your curve ball. I’ve really set my life to be one where I was the underdog, right? Growing up, youngest of eight kids, parents were divorced earned a college football scholarship. And when I went overseas to play professional football in the World League, I hurt my back and three herniated discs, spinal stenosis, degenerative back disease. And at the age of 25, my dream of playing in the N F L was shot.
TD (03:02):
I’m like, what do I do now? Cuz from five to 25, I wanted to be a pro n f l quarterback. And I did a lot of soul searching. I had to heal my back pain without surgery, ideally, which I did. And I was like, man, what am I gonna do next? And that led me down this five year circuitous route to ultimately open my own gym. And being from the east coast, I was born and raised in New Jersey and moved to San Diego. After living in 13 cities in five years to heal my back, I opened my gym with no clients, no money and no business plan. Not a good way to start
RV (04:04):
Uhhuh
TD (04:10):
Right? So what happened was, I started working with everybody, didn’t matter who, like, it wasn’t athletes. I did not work with athletes. It was anyone who would come in. Cause I had to pay the bills. And I’d laugh now because I was working with people from teens on up, the people in their seventies, obese non-athletes, tennis players, you name it. I worked with them. But in through a fortuitous or not moment, I, I met a guy named Vaughn Parker. Vaughn Parker was the starting left tackle for the then San Diego Chargers. And I actually did body work and massage therapy and waling along with training. Vaughn had a bad back. So when I worked with Vaughn, session number one, I’ve got him on this table and doing all this hit rotator release technique. And you know, he had just signed a 20 million y year deal, which was a lot of money.
TD (05:02):
It’s a lot of money now. It was a lot of money in year 20 2002. Well, the table, Rory, when I was working with him, broke in half with him lying on the table, 310 pound left tackle for the single chargers. It breaks in half. Like, my gosh, my gosh, my first pro athlete table breaks in half. He’s lying on the, on the floor saying what just happened? I’m like, I’m not sure. But I had just watched this v h s tape on time massage. So I br I take off my shoes. I start doing this time massage work because what do you do? You bootstrap it, you figure out what to do. And he’s like, this is amazing. This is wonderful. How long you’ve been doing this work? I’m like, this is like the first session I’ve ever done with time massage. But I had a, a background in body work.
TD (05:46):
Well, Vaughn, after that session was like, that was the most amazing work. The San Diego Chargers, we, we’d love to have you come down and, and do some work in, in the team room after the games to stretch us out, do body work. And lo and behold, I become the, the, the sports therapist for the San Diego Chargers. I met LaDainian Tomlinson, the first round pick for the Chargers, drew Brees. That’s how they ultimately became clients of mine because one guy named Vaughn Parker brought me to the Chargers for two years. I trained those guys and, and did all their body work. Ladainian came into my gym, he brought Drew into the gym. I’d been training Drew now for 22 years. And the rest is history. Cuz in the athlete world, it’s all word of mouth. And in 23 years of my career in the fitness world, a lot of doors have opened up.
TD (06:33):
But it was my pain back in my back injury that all of a sudden these guys would come in like, man, I got a bad back, my bad back. And that was my vehicle to change lives. And for the better part of two decades, what I’ve learned is that physical pain often perceives your deepest purpose. And even the last three years of the pandemic, I can tell you what in, in doing a lot of depth work in helping people overcome the mindset aspect of, you know, being down and out. Ladainian wrote the forward to my first book, the Impact Body Plan. Drew wrote the Forward to I Get Your Mind Right book because I don’t care if you’re a high level, you know, athlete or you’re an entrepreneur, you, you have a successful business or not. Mindset is everything. Energy is everything. And what I’ve learned is my gift is in mindset and helping people get their minds right, especially when their minds aren’t right. Because I’ve been down that road multiple times of how you gotta fight for your mindset, your heart set and your soul set.
RV (07:31):
Yeah. So I want to, let’s, I wanna talk about that cuz I mean obviously you mentioned Covid, like it’s been a heavy, it’s been a heavy last few years for the whole world. And you know, in the United States, we got a lot of political divide. We got, you know, covid and controversy of our vaccines and, and you know, all this George Floyd and all of these, you know, massive external things that are happening. But then it’s like alcohol is, you know, through the roof anxiety and depression and all that sort of stuff. So like, talk us through that. If your mind’s not right, like what’s the, what’s the first step that you do? Like when you say get your mind right, and you go, okay, how, walk me through, how do I get myself out of that spot?
TD (08:16):
I want to get deep on you for a moment because I believe everyone’s got a struggle. I think everyone has a struggle. Even the most successful athletes and entrepreneurs in the world have a, have a struggle. And the last few years there’s been a struggle on some level, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. There’s, there’s a struggle. And a lot of times a struggles, especially amongst men. We don’t talk about it many times, but I know in a lot of the people who I’ve been working with there’s a struggle, mentally mindset, overwhelmed, maybe anxiety, maybe depression, maybe they feel like they’re off their north star. And, and, and man, I used to be, everything was flowing and now everything’s a push. And I’m like, brother sis, I, I feel you. I know because Rory, the back pain I had 25 years ago, for me, it resurfaced in the middle of the pandemic.
TD (09:09):
Why? Well, because I have the mentality of I’m gonna save the world. This isn’t a good thing, by the way, because I took on the onus of I’m gonna save all the people I work with in my coaching groups. I’m gonna save all the gyms in the world. I’m gonna save my own gym. And I literally said this, get on my back. Get on my back. We got this, we got this. Well, my body broke nine months into the pandemic. My knee started hurting. I had a second knee replacement, 52 years old, knee replacement. Six weeks after that, my back starts killing me. I spent all of 2021 in debilitating back pain where they told me I needed a massive fusion of my back. Here I am Rory, I I I’m a coach, I’m a trainer. I I I’ve had all this success in the fitness world and I’m, I’m breaking physically and mentally.
TD (10:03):
Cuz when you’re in pain, you, it’s all consuming in your head and you, you can’t get outta your own head. And here I am, I just wrote a book, June of 2020, it came out. Get your mind right. And here I am the Wright maniac guy. In my mind, I’m like, I am practicing everything I say in the book. And I’m like, God, why are you putting this on my plate? Why are you putting this on my plate? So when I say, you know, how do you get your mind right when your mind ain’t right? There were a time, even the last couple years, I had to fight like mad to get my mind right myself personally. And what I found was, the more I shared that, the more people were opening up and like, they’d be DMing me or hitting me up like, Hey Todd, like, man, if they only knew, like my marriage is good, my family’s good, you know, business is good, but let me tell you, I I am really struggling right now.
TD (10:51):
I’m like, okay, where are we at? Like, number one, like, I wanna make sure you don’t do anything stupid for yourself personally, but I wanna make sure that, you know, you start to feel an alignment again. And when you say, where do you start? For me, this is me personally. I’m a man of faith. We gotta look at all your core values and are you, are you living in alignment with that? Because let’s face it when you look back at your struggles, it’s always the struggles that ultimately allow us to go to that place that allow us to grow. But none of us love pain. None of us love struggle. But in the last three years, it’s those struggles that ultimately allow us to find what we’re all searching for, fulfillment, joy, peace, happiness, harmony in our lives. These are the things that we truly want.
TD (11:35):
And where do we start? I think it’s with a lot of tapping into the whispers. I call it my book, tapping into the whispers is what’s God revealing to you? Where do you need to go? Do you need to slow down? You need to speed up. Do you need to spend more time with your, your kids and become a better father or mother? And to me it starts with a lot of, of internal doing the work and, and talking to a coach or someone, a therapist, or even a doctor about where it’s at is how do you get your mind right? You, you, you, you do that soul searching, it takes. Now I can tell you all the things you need, okay? You need to be working out. Well, what if you can’t work out? I I couldn’t work out with my back in knee.
TD (12:12):
Were all jacked up. I mean, I’m crawling in my backyard thinking I gotta get my mind right. I know movement’s a key part of it. I talk about it all the time. But what if you’re so in pain, you’re debilitating and you’re on a couch and, and you’re like, man, I I I need to take a nap all the time. I’m exhausted because pain is killing me. So to me it’s like, you gotta fight. Like Madden have other people around you. I call ’em fire breathing dragons. How do you surround yourself with fire breathing dragons that’ll say, you know what? Get your tail up, get your booty up and move. I don’t care if you take a five minute walk, you listen to a great podcast like yours, Rory. You listen to some, some great music and whether that be gospel music or old school music, hip-hop music, you move your body, you listen to the right messaging, you listen to that message is gonna really heighten your vibration so you can operate a different level and you fight light mad for your identity.
RV (13:00):
Well, and I, I mean, I I pick up the move your body thing, which is, which is really huge. But I, well, I heard you before that when you’re talking about like listening to the whispers, it almost, it’s, it almost seems like you’re, you know, there’s like a part of like listening to your body, listening to your soul, listening to God, listening to what, whatever term you want to use of interpreting that signal about what needs to happen and what, what do you need to do? Like how do you tap into that?
TD (13:30):
You develop a routine in the morning, in the quiet time where you sit there in silence. See, silence is the hardest exercise you’ll ever do. Be like, Hey, what’s the hardest exercise you do with the, the guys in the gym? I’m like, it’s called meditation or prayer. And you just sit there and silence and you listen. I used to think prayer was, you know, talking to God and you’re praying like, dear God, can you please bless all my problems? And I got these challenges and through a lot of work with my pastor and and mentor a lot of prayer is actually listening and listening and tapping in and tapping in the whispers means this, I believe that when you hear shouts, it’s ego. And when you hear whispers, it’s God. So if there’s these shouts going on all the time, it’s probably your ego saying, I need to do this or I need to do that.
TD (14:18):
But if you consistently journal your, your whispers and day after day after day, it’s saying, what I was writing down in 20 20, 20 21 is slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down. For months I was journaling the same thing. Slow down. How do you slow down when the world is so fast? Or when you’re trying to figure things out, your mind is racing and it, it, it, it creates anxiety. How do you slow down? And one thing I’ve always said, and I’ve watched some of the best athletes in the world do this, and I’ve come up with the good ones could speed a game up and the great ones can slow it down. The good ones could speed a game up. The great ones.
RV (15:01):
What do you mean by that?
TD (15:02):
What I mean by this is this. If it’s I’m an athlete, I’m a coach. As a coach, you look at the world’s best athlete, think about a two minute drill. A two minute drill is if you were to watch a quarterback go down the field in a two minute drill, while it’s really happening fast, everything is beautifully slow and he’s in control of the rhythm of a game. Life is the same way. It’s really fast right now. There’s a lot of things going on. A lot of decisions have to be made. You’re trying to juggle your family and all of the things with your business and revenue and payroll and the team and leadership. And it could be overwhelming. But when you can slow the insides down where you can actually control and not get anxiousness or anxiety, or you’re constantly just reacting to everything, I believe the best entrepreneurs and business folk in the world actually operate slowly and that’s hard to do.
TD (16:01):
So I liken the, the athlete to the successful businessman or businesswoman who can slow things down, at least in my world the last several years is when oper, when I’m operating at my best, the insides are actually slowed down. Despite everything on the, on the outside world is really, really fast. When I react to the speed on the outside, all of a sudden now my anxiety will start to heighten. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like, man, I’ve got 50 things going on and I need to really reduce this. And Rory, we talked about this on my podcast cuz you talked about what you, you shared with, with Lewis. How’s going from 17 to three? It’s how do we simplify? You know, it’s, it’s this, it’s this simplification process is really complex, but for me it’s how you slow things down early in the morning before people get up.
TD (16:51):
You sit down and if you open up a blank notebook or a journal and you just sit there and listen for a minimum of five minutes and then start to write, that’s part of your morning routine. And you, and yes, exercise and movement is, is a part of that. But if you can tap into the whispers and slow things down and really listen, whether you call it meditation, whether you call it prayer, whether you call it quiet time, I believe that is going to allow you to give, get you some inner peace and to really tap into the profound wisdom that’s already there versus just reacting to the day, boom, boom, boom, boom.
RV (17:29):
You think that like, you know, like I’m thinking about Mike Chandler, so I’m not, I don’t follow UFC that close, but like I know he’s, you said he’s fighting Connor McGregor coming up and like, yep, that’s, that’s the real deal. Like how do, how, how does somebody like that incorporate Wyatt time or slowing down their mind? Is it something that happens before a match? Is it, is it, does it happen during a match also somehow?
TD (18:00):
Yep. Yeah, that’s a good question. Let’s, let’s face it, if you’re a UFC fighter, you gotta train like mad because it is me metabolically one of the hardest things you’ll ever get. Those
RV (18:10):
Guys are, I’m in there insane, insane,
TD (18:13):
Insane. But let me, let me, let me liken it to this. All of us should be training with that same intensity. We should all be training with that same intensity. Now, it might not replicate, you know what Mike Chandler, who, who is, who is prepping for Conor McGregor as we speak right now, but that intensity when training and if you’re a a, a 40 or 50 or a 60 year old man or woman, you have to be training with the intensity that is going to allow you to release all of the, the, the angst and anxiety and stuff on the inside so that when you feel, when you’re done with your workout, you feel more at peace. And now you’re not being run over by overwhelm or anxiety. That’s the first aspect.
RV (18:59):
You say training with the intensity you’re talking about physical, like physically,
TD (19:02):
I’m talking physical, working out,
RV (19:03):
Physically moving in in a way that’s comparable to release the internal turmoil.
TD (19:09):
100% interesting. Now, when that’s done, the best time like Mike would do is then when you’re, you’ve got all the junk out of the trunk as I would call it now tap in and take 5, 10, 15 minutes of quiet time to reflect on the inside because Mike, who is tr is in in great shape, in great condition like an N F L athlete would be as well. Then it’s, Mike is a man of faith. Mike’s gonna be in prayer. Mike in the locker room is gonna be very calm prior to that, that fight. Now in the cage, you’re gonna be a little, you know, you’re gonna unleash it a little bit, but if you get too hyped up, you start what hyperventilating you get short of breath and breath. What I would say is this, I said this to Drew Bre, I asked him this question, when you’re coming out in front of a a 70, 80,000 people, are you hyperventilating and you’re stressed or are you relaxed?
TD (20:03):
He said, well, a little bit of both because I know that someone’s trying to kill me. So if you realize that every one of us has 18 to 22,000 breaths a day, if you take a deep breath right now, you have 18 to 22,000 breaths a day. How can you slow your breath down to number one, be thankful and grateful for breath and realize that if you can slow your breath down in the midst of a fire, in the midst of a fight, in the midst of chaos and turmoil, then you can operate more functionally. So to answer your question, Mike is in tremendous physical shape, but he’s also going to be tremendously disciplined in the practice of prayer and quiet time as well. In the mental preparation, the mental preparation for that fight is visualization. Can you can you envision the game a thousand times before you play the game?
TD (20:55):
I would tell a high school athlete, like I would tell an entrepreneur before going to a big meeting or like, Mike’s gonna fight Connor. You’re gonna fight that fight a thousand times before you fight that fight. Because mentally you’ve gotta make sure that you can visualize, you’ve gotta smell what you’re gonna smell in the ring, in the cage. You’re gonna smell it, you’re gonna visualize it, you’re gonna see it when you’re walking out. You’re gonna feel the music, you’re gonna feel it. So you can be relaxed in that situation. The power of the mind is amazing. So if you can use that visualization every single day to manifest what you wanna manifest, that’s the power of, for anyone who might be listening, like, man, I lost myself. I used to, I used to have the edge, I used to have the mojo and I’ve gotten my butt kicked, my tails between my legs, fear or not my, my friend.
TD (21:38):
You can get it back. You just gotta get aligned with those habits, those values, and make sure that we can recapture that mojo and that edge. Just as Mike Chandler would do, a Drew Brees would do an entrepreneur would do is get it back. Cuz we don’t wanna be that p i p that previously important person. We wanna be that v i p that we have it, but like that self-talk, oh man, I don’t know. Am I too old? Man? I’m getting my butt kicked. I, I don’t know if I still got that edge. I don’t have the energy levels. Like stop, stop telling yourself these things because the self-talk gets ingrained and gets wired in your brain. Just as someone that’s at the elite level, at 25 to 35 years old, physically performing at their best, stop telling yourself what you can’t do and start using positive self-talk that will allow you to operate back in the, in the position that you used to be.
RV (22:28):
I wanna talk about TT talk about, talk about the difference, right? So you, when you think about a Drew Brees and Aaron Rogers, you know, these are the premier performers. Ladainian Tomlinson in his, in his time was, you know, one of the greats.
TD (22:46):
Oh my God,
RV (22:46):
What, what, what is separating them from everyone else? Because you go, I mean, to get to the N F L, don’t you have to do all these things? I mean, to even to even be there, don’t you have to have self-talk and you have to be training hard and you have to have visualization. You, you know, I don’t know how many of ’em do quiet time or journaling, but, but certainly controlling your breath, I mean, certainly the physical regimen, I think. Yeah, but then you go, you know, to me those things don’t even represent, like to me those are almost like the price of admission to getting to the league. It’s not, you know, like what separates Drew Brees from, you know, any other N f l quarterback? I mean, or, or do you think it does, do you go No, there’s quarterbacks in the N F L that are not, they’re not doing that kind of routine with their, their mental conditioning like they are with their physical conditioning.
TD (23:43):
The, there are, there are quarterbacks that aren’t, there are some that aren’t, but I’m talking absolutely. Okay. I’m talking Rory about the elite of the elite. How do you become elite? And I would say there’s two things. One is extreme discipline. And now that sounds rhetorical, but when I say extreme discipline in nine years of training, LaDainian thomason, I can’t count on one hand the times that he was late or ever missed a session ever in nine years, he’d be un early, he’d be doing his mobility work, he’d warm up on the treadmill, he could see him prepping if he wore that little headband. I knew he was being serious that day, but he always showed up. Now were there times where he didn’t feel like it 100%, but he also told me, Hey, I wanna be better than Emmett and Walter and I’m gonna train to be the best to ever play the game.
TD (24:33):
Now whether he’s the best to ever play the game or not, it’s not important. What’s important was his desire matched his discipline, right? And he did that. Drew Brees people will tell you when you, when you were around Drew in, in the 20 years that he was playing and training here with Darren Sproles and, and all the guys he trained with you know, everyone from, you know, chase Daniel and, and Zack Erz and Gerald McCoy and Srosy, all these guys. Drew made everyone better. Why? People say, why do those guys come to you? Do, what do you do that’s different? I believe the best of the best needs someone to hold them accountable and get their mind right, because who’s gonna call people out when you’re at the top of the game? I didn’t understand in 2006 when LaDainian won the MVP and he said this to me, what’s next?
TD (25:26):
What’s next? It made me think like Rocky four, when, you know, you know, you lose your passion, you take all your passion and you lose it. And, and that like, what’s next? Like, what do you mean we do it again? I didn’t understand that when I was in my early thirties of like, what’s next? Just let’s run it batten lt. But what he was saying was, I need a bigger dream. I need something to keep me fueled up. Because when you have reached what you may have believed is your pinnacle of your career, and maybe you’ve tapped out at a certain financial level or you don’t know how to continue to operate year after year after year at the highest level what I have learned is it’s mindset. So when I say extreme discipline and mindset of the two things that separate all of the world class high performers I’ve ever worked with, it’s one thing to get to the top and I love the climb, but man, oh man, it is a far different thing to stay at the top knowing that man, I gotta recreate and reinvent myself to get to another dream.
TD (26:22):
You know, pastor Jeremiah, he’s not an athlete, but let me tell you, at 80, 82 years old, I’ve had the opportunity to train this guy for seven years. This guy inspires me. He’s always like, how do I get to the next level? I’m like, doc, you’re, you’re one of the top the top pastors in the world and have a huge following. H how do you get to, like, how do you do that extreme discipline and mindset at 82 years old to say, we ain’t done yet. The best is yet to come. I’m like, man, I I gotta pick up my game. That’s when you talk about iron sharpens iron. You put yourself on other coaches or, or entrepreneurs or other mission driven messengers, as you would say, Rory, man, now you get inspired when you go to a live event and I’ve been at your live event. I’m like, dang, Gabrielle, like, fires me up, Ryan fires me up. Right? All, all the, when you’re around other people who fire you up, your mind all of a sudden like, man, I gotta pick it up. We all need that.
RV (27:17):
Mm-Hmm.
TD (27:19):
String discipline, extreme discipline and mindset. The mindset of, I ain’t done yet. I gotta find something to go deeper. I need a coach to take me there. I need, I need, I need someone to, to sharpen my sword or call me out like I call drew out or LaDainian out or any of my, any of these guys that aren’t doing the things the way they need to, I’ll call ’em out. Most people wont call people out. If you’re, if you’re already successful, they’ll kiss your tail. We don’t need more tail kissers. We need people that are gonna call us out and, and say, Hey, you got more in the tank, but you need to pick it up and stop drinking the way you’re drinking. And you alluded to that. Or Hey, why are you doing that stupid habit? It’s all about habits. So what, what do you, why are you not taking your quiet time?
TD (28:00):
Or why not working out the way you, you need to work out. Like when you get some serious accountability in your life and you’re like, Hey, let’s pick it up because you got more in the tank versus settling for mediocrity because now it’s like we just kind of like settle. It’s nothing worse than settling for mediocrity. I hate it. I hate it myself. If I’ve ever been stuck, I’m like, man, I gotta pick it up. I gotta do something. Go to a personal growth workshop, hire a coach, read a great book. Like do get around people that are actually inspiring you. Make sure you’re going to the gym and working out, getting into an environment. These are things that you know and you gotta stop doing. The stupid habits that get you in trouble. Eating like garbage drinking, too much alcohol, doing other knucklehead things that, that we sometimes, as as humans do recalibrate, reignite and reinspire.
RV (28:50):
Mm-Hmm.
TD (28:56):
Up.
RV (28:57):
So don’t even, just don’t even just don’t even worry about it. Go, just go,
TD (29:01):
Go just sh go The heaviest way in the, in the gym is the front door. Or if you’re really like, man, I’m real. I, I I know that but I’m not doing it. I’m weak in the flesh. Then hire an appointment with a trainer where I come from the background. I’ve been in the training world for 20, almost 25 years and my, my gym for this question, it’s, it’s built on accountability. Now I’m doing less training these days and focusing on, you know, the entrepreneurs and athletes that I wanna work with. But the bottom line is this, if you really wanna show up, then set an appointment with your trainer in your respective community. And I’ve got folks, if you don’t like, I don’t know any good trainers, then reach out to me and I’ll set you up with a trainer in your community. Cause I know I’m worldwide. And watch what happens when you have a session once or three times a week at 6:00 AM 12 noon, 6:00 PM whenever you don’t show up because it’s in your calendar. Pastor Jeremiah three times a week is with me. He, he makes it 12 noon. I’m like, why 12 noon document Murray workday. He like, cuz it’s not convenient
RV (29:59):
TD (30:01):
He’s like, I need to have the discipline to do the things that are most important because I know that my physical strength and energy that I get from the gym and you are going to allow me to write the prolific work that I wanna write. So I’m gonna schedule it in the worst part of my day. 12 noon. I’m like, that’s pretty brilliant. That’s an 82 year old man who is trying to change the world. And he does it Roy, I have a nutritionist myself. Wait, you’re a coach, you’re a trainer, you’re a speaker. All the, yeah, I need the accountability. I need to have my meals delivered because if I don’t, I don’t eat lunch cause I get too busy. So it’s the accountability. So how do you do it if you’re, if you like show up, well, I’m not showing up then hire, hire a coach or a trainer or an accountability coach like myself to say, get your boot to the gym.
TD (30:49):
I’m gonna follow up with a text. And did you get there? You either did it or you didn’t. And if you want to, if you wanna perform at the level you say you want to, then you better show up. I have a guy I once train named Jacque Suze. He came with me the first year, a small college division three. He said, man, I wanna make it one year in the N F L. I said, that’s all we gotta do. Jacques show up every day for the next three months. Jacques is there, made it in his first season. Jacques played 12 more season in the nfl. He’s now coaching in the N F nfl. But it’s like the extreme discipline to show up and you don’t feel like showing up. And if you don’t, I’m gonna text you. I’ll come get you outta bed. If I have to like show up and do the things that you say you wanna do because there’s nothing worse, then you tell me you wanna be great.
TD (31:28):
It’s like I tell my kids I got three kids. Don’t tell me you wanna be great. Like do the work, show up and do that. Because the last I check is that you know, a lot of people have talent, but not everyone wants to work for that. So they always say that hard work beats talent with talent don’t work. A lot of talented people out there. If you can match talent with hard work, watch out. You can do whatever you want. You can take your business to the next level. You can recapture the essence of of you, you can get your edge back in life. So to me, what I’m finding is a lot of 40, 50, 60 somethings right now that have lost that edge. I’m like, get your edge back. Get your life back. Cuz man, if you feel like you’re drowning or you’re struggling, you’re overwhelmed, you’re burnt out, man. Now’s the time to reset, recalibrate.
RV (32:15):
Mm-Hmm.
TD (32:21):
Website’s probably the easiest way. Todd durkin.com. Todd durkin.com. I got all, everything that we do is on the website. I’ve got a podcast, the Todd Durkin impact show. It’s my way of of getting people to get fired up. Cuz the motivational aspect is one thing. And I’m on social media, Rory, I love Instagram. I love Instagram. I’m, I’m on that all the time. You can always DM me, but my website has all the opportunities. Bottom line is this motivation’s in the in the head, inspiration in the heart. So motivation dries up if you don’t constantly feed your mind, you know, fertilizer and get that mind right by listening to good message and listening to pods and getting your workouts in. You gotta protect your dome. You gotta protect your dome. And if you don’t, you’re gonna slowly follow down the abyss of depression and and anxiety and you feel like everything is like caving in on you. That doesn’t have to be the case. And I say get your mind right. Get your mind right. Get your mind right. Change it today, change it today and make it make it part of your mission. We talk about a meaningful mission is make it your mission to get your mind right, get your heart rate, get your soul right. And when you get all those things aligned, then you can recapture the essence in the mojo that maybe you’re really striving to do.
RV (33:35):
Yeah. Well, brother, I appreciate the, the, the inspiration and the injection. I feel like you fired me up and I lo I love that you’re helping people get their mind right. Thanks for sharing a little bit of that with us and we wish you the best. Good luck to you, man.
TD (33:51):
Thank you. You as well. Thanks so much.