You may remember just a couple weeks back that Rory and AJ were on the Love Intently Podcast with Sophie Kwok.
This week Sophie had one of our personal brand strategists, Kristen Hartnagel and her husband Jeff as guests. They talked about the power of expressing your needs to your partner. Here are a couple of highlights from the show with Kristen:
Kristen and Jeff are like peanut butter and jelly, they compliment each other so well. Maybe we should call them Kristen and Jiff? But things weren’t always perfect in their marriage. Have you ever wondered if your spouse is having an affair? In this episode, they share how they went from a conscious relationship with open communication to assumptions, leading to Jeff wondering if Kristen was having an affair. She wasn’t, but this experience reminded her of the important lesson of open communication within a relationship no matter how long you’ve been together!
Kristen and Jeff’s story shows us the importance of loving yourself first, and being extremely intentional and clear about what you need and want in a relationship. In their story we see how a lack clarity and intention led to the couple drifting apart, ultimately leading to Jeff suspecting that Kristen was having an affair. Hear how Kristen and Jeff came out of this dark hole in their relationship by learning how to express their needs, and how their marriage and family life has been going strong ever since.
Give what you need to get: The Five Love Languages and your Love Personality
Referencing the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Kristen realized in order to save her marriage and become more intentional, she needs to model what she needs the most. This is because everyone can only come from their own experiences, they don’t have context or a frame of reference for anything else. So you need to show how you want to receive love by doing that exact thing.
Kristen started keeping a gratitude journal. Every day, she would write down why she loves Jeff, and what he is doing right, so that she can share this with him. At first, it didn’t feel genuine to her because she was still feeling so resentful, but…
“I know the power of positive thinking. I know we create our realities by the thoughts and beliefs we are holding.” -Kristen Hartnagel
Eventually, their relationship improved, and Kristen reflects on the important point that it wasn’t Jeff who changed, even though she originally saw him as being the problem. The relationship improved by Kristen becoming more intentional about their relationship.
The most important thing to understand about love: It is not a destination
Kristen had a few breakthroughs on her personal development journey when it came to love that we can all really benefit from hearing. One amazing truth she discovered about love is it isn’t a destination:
“We set ourselves up for disappointment if we think love will be this utopia. Love is a verb, it’s what you do to make sure a connection remains. How do you love on? How do you love on through the things that show up as crap? As distractions or diversions from where you thought you wanted to go? You gotta love anyway. It’s a doing, a being, not just a destination.” -Kristen Hartnagel
The next thing she learned is that we must love ourselves first before we can love others in a relationship. It’s how we talk to ourselves and perceive ourselves that really matters. She learned to let go of what others think about her, and how to fall in love with failing:
“When I start to compare myself to others, or am worried about how my thoughts and actions are going to be perceived by others, I sell myself short. I have everything I need within me and if I can just remember to step in to my power and trust…it doesn’t mean things won’t go wrong, but I can fall in love with failing, and I can fail forward. Failure is just a judgement that we put on something anyway. It’s just a try that I need to try again.” – Kristen Hartnagel
You can listen to the full episode and read the show notes here: https://loveintently.com/blog/how-to-express-needs-to-your-partner
If you’re an entrepreneur or a couple who needs help building your personal brand and finding your unique voice in the market, Kristen wants to support you with a FREE strategy call! Fill out the form at Sophie.thebrandbuildersgroup.com for a free strategy call.
Sophie Kwok is the founder of Love Intently. She is passionate about empowering people to build thriving relationships. She says, “In a world of big engagements and comparison, Love Intently stands to remind us love doesn’t need to be a production. The everyday little mundane things matter most. Whether it’s a parent-child relationship or a romantic one, start small.”
Visit her website at: https:/loveintently.com
Kristen Hartnagel is a Founding Member and Personal Brand Strategist with Brand Builders Group and the creator of the Peace Purpose and Power podcast dedicated to helping people free their imagination and ignite their souls. She is a professional speaker and a certified Infinite Possibilities trainer.
As a Professional Singer, songwriter and recording artist, her favorite way to deliver her message is with keynote concerts. Throughout her career, Kristen has been part of 4 startups. She is a founding member of Brand Builders Group working with NYT bestselling authors, award-winning talent management agents and 7-figure influencers. She is leading a movement to help people release the past, live in the present, and take charge of their future.
Click here for our free short video course on the power of personal branding: KH.thebrandbuildersgroup.com